i'm a lesbian
in a bathtub full of blood
feel light-headed, i'm

my last suicide attempt was this morning when i attempted to die by repeatedly closing my eyes and not getting out of bed. it didn't work, but i haven't given up. several times today i've exhaled air out of my lungs. i think i will be dead soon.

whenever i talk to someone about suicide, it seems like... their mouth is partly open, tense lips, eyebrows squished together a little, head tilted slightly back, eyes watery.

thank you

i'm not sure what 'accurate' is referring to here. i don't think there is a real, essential self that can be pointed to. regarding the things that can be said about a person though (what things they have done, what thoughts and feelings they have had), it seems like being a self or being an other each has advantages and disadvantages.

self advantage: 'first hand' access to things comprising self

self disadvantage: biases of all sorts, memory is subject to all manner of unreliability, may be harder to discern broad trends and patterns from the sheer noise of self experience, is subject to varying levels of 'self awareness'

other advantage: biases are less likely (i think), less information to filter through

other disadvantages: experiences may be too limited or contrived to be useful, doesn't provide any direct access to thoughts/feelings, can be colored by self biases and limitations, is subject to being misled by 'dishonest behavior'

so, um, i guess i don't think either is very accurate

it seems like in most cases i would trust what other people say about someone over what they say about themselves

shipped 30x

never knowing when it might happen appeals to me

since i would know my situation is temporary, i could focus on projects during that time - maybe trying to have some interesting thoughts, learning to think about the pain of my shackles in different ways, communicating with other slaves, if there are any...

in my normal life i could wonder about how i keep ending up in slave ships, how time seems to stop during that time

just seems way more interesting overall than not having my hand

Are there any valuable artifacts in the white house you could give me without anyone noticing, just stay casual and slide them into my hand right now, like we're shaking hands

I would like to change my answer regarding whether I believe in angels to 'no'. How do I change that?

yes, of course

madonna

it depends, but ocean in general

50 cent

that was the first person that came to mind

a video of a husky saying 'taco bell'

i've never noticed a pattern

i said that i wanted to be a geologist, but i'm not sure what i really wanted to be. maybe an archeologist.

in my mid 30's

in the present