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All responses Most smiled responses
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I just submitted a writing sample to Tavi! If you want to write for 'em, you can always submit to submission@rookiemag.com. I know they read every submission <3
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Ah! I can't tell you the basic plot, but images that pop into my head: balloon tits, dog diarrhea, dead rats, the world's longest penis drawn on paper, and vomit on a moving escalator. Does this make my novel sound like it was written by a juvenile, sick fuck? It is/was.
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Most of my friends and I took some time off to work and do other shit before going to grad school. My friend Sarah only took a year off, but everyone else I knew worked for about 2-5 years before starting grad school. You should do whatever feels right for you! If you are eager as fuck to start an MFA program right out of college, then do it. I will say however, that unless you are planning to get your MFA several times, or get an MFA and then a PhD in Creative Writing, I would consider 'saving' an MFA for when you really need it. After working for two years, I was desperate as fuck to have some time to write and that helped me to work harder and be more appreciative of the time I had at Iowa, and maybe I would have been just as appreciate right out of college, but somehow I doubt it.
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Hmmn. This is a hard question. I liked my MFA program, although at the time, I was sort of consumed with this relationship that took up a lot more mental space than anything else, so that way, I wasn't totally "present" during my three years at Iowa. I probably would still be the same writer I am even if I hadn't gone to Iowa, but now that I've said that, I wonder if it's actually untrue. Having been through Iowa, I feel "tougher" than I did. Like you can level any kind of cruel, hurtful, cutting criticism at me and I can take it. It helped me realize that there are readers who will try to figure out what your vision is and only want to help you achieve it, and then there are readers who only want you to achieve THEIR vision of what writing should be. Going to Iowa also just gave me time and gave me the opportunity to be around so many different writers and meet so many incredible writers at every stage of their writing career. It helped me discover poetry and the importance of it in my life. It helped me realize that there are few places in the world where a poetry reading by a poet who has one book out by a small press can pack a motherfucking room. It helped me realize that there are few places in the world where almost everyone in the world believes in the sanctity of the written word with as much love and ferocity as you do, and that, for all its downsides, is an amazing thing.
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Wow, this is a really tough question and I apologize for not responding sooner! I think I used to be a profoundly jealous person, to the point where my jealousy was disturbing even to me. It scared me to think that I wanted to know someone so well that I basically wanted to 'possess' them. There was something repulsive to me about that, but at the same time, utterly appealing. There is no easy way to accept that the people we love have had lives or will have lives that we were never a part of, or will not be a part of one day. You just have to try. For me, losing someone I loved because my fears over his past eventually consumed me and destroyed our relationship, was enough of a wake-up call for me to realize that I needed to just accept the world as it is, not as I want it to be.
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Hmmn, I pretty much stayed away from drugs in high school and college, and still do now for no reason except that I am just someone who doesn't respond very well to mind-altering substances. Instead of relaxing me or putting me closer to a feeling of spiritual expansiveness or unity, it pretty much always turns me into a paranoid fucker. I think I might be too controlling about my own brain to enjoy the feeling of chemicals altering it? I don't know. But it was also important to me to figure out what areas of my life I wanted adventure and recklessness to happen. I was very reckless in a lot of ways that were fun and beautiful to me. I was adventurous when it came to boys and travel and art, but I knew that adventures with drugs would never be the fun experience for me that it was for some people. As for alcohol--I was never a heavy drinker or a binge drinker or someone who would order shots at the bar on a friday night. I hate the idea of total abstinence when it comes to anything--food, sex, and other carnal pleasures--but again, I'm someone who feels awful when I lose control, and so I was never the type to get SLOSHED.
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Hi! I'm so sorry I've been very slow about responding to formspring. I get nervous when someone asks an important question and I keep waiting for a moment of brilliance to strike me, but of course, it never will. To answer your question... this might sound like an easy-way-out, bullshit answer, but I really mean it: no one can decide what's right for YOU when it comes to sex and relationships. For me, personally, it's very important and I'm not sure I could have a romantic relationship with someone without sex being involved, BUT this is only true for me. If you want to wait to have sex, or even if you don't feel like a sexual person, then that's okay too, and you shouldn't feel pressured or judged in any way for it. On the other hand, I have also had friends who were somewhat fearful of having sex because of a lot of slut-shaming bullshit that they were raised with that equated having sex with being less virtuous and good somehow, and it was important for them to understand that there is absolutely nothing shameful about wanting to have sex or having sex before they could enjoy having sex without shame or fear. But know also that there is nothing shameful about not having sex or not wanting to have it.
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I'm sorry for the radio silence! I've been so busy lately, but I will try to blog again soon! <3
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Oh! Um "Alphabet" by Inger Christensen. It's technically a book, but it's one long poem that I love.
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Ah! The answer is long and boring, so to make it short--being an English major made me hate reading and writing. I loathed the approach to critical reading and interpretation at Stanford. I especially hated classes that discouraged any discussion about the historical and social context surrounding works of literature. I honestly hating reading so many books from the Western canon. I hate the term and concept of the "Western canon." Talking about books sucked all the joy out of reading them and thinking about them. I was in classes with horrible entitled jerks, often white, often male, who would dominate conversation and name-drop Foucault without thinking, and these jackasses were also often the first line of defense against ANYONE daring to question whether or not a so-called great work of literature was actually a great work of literature. I lost it when this dude started talking about how LAUGH OUT LOUD HILARIOUS Ulysses by James Joyce was, and then we got into a hella intense debate about Joyce, where I said that I didn't find Ulysses to be a brilliant, perfect text at all, but instead deeply flawed, deeply meaningless and hollow at times, but something that has been perpetuated by the academy and imposed on the public as A VERY IMPORTANT WORK OF ART, and that if not for the rise of English departments in colleges, Ulysses would have vanished into the ether like many flawed, long, annoying books before it.
Okay, so my answer is not short and I'm criticizing a "great work of art" for being long and also for being flawed when my response here is clearly flawed and too long. But anyway, yeah, I decided that being an English major would only cause me to feel disgusted about literature and disgusted with myself for wanting to create more literature, and I knew if I allowed reading and writing to exist purely in the domain of pleasure, then I could probably stave off the eventual bitterness and self-disgust I will one day feel about choosing to be a writer. -
Uh, maybe? Is a Richard Kern photo? If you send me the link, I can tell you if it's me, or if you're just a racist who can't tell Asians apart. Kidding.
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Hoo boy, this is hard. I struggle with this in all of my relationships. Sometimes I wish so badly I could exist in the interior of someone else's world, but I know that can't happen because even if someone told me everything he or she was feeling, I would still never understand exactly what it feels like to be him or her. I struggle with little things, like if someone says to me, "I'm sad," how can I possibly understand what sadness means to that person, and how can I ever make that person understand what it means to me? For me, personally, I really have to tell myself over and over again that it's okay to feel lonely and it's okay for someone you love to make you feel lonelier than you've ever felt. Because there's nothing sadder than someone you love, someone you want to know and someone whom you wish would know you, says something or does something that makes you feel like he/she doesn't get the first thing about you. And I have to tell myself that it's okay if that happens. And that it will always happen, and I just have to accept that we can't ever really know anyone, no matter how much we love that person or how much that person loves us, and if we can accept this, then we can continue to seek the things that feel great in life... love, intimacy, friendship, flirtation, comfort, and beauty.
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Oh! I did answer this, but it's okay to ask again. Unhappybarber is an old screenname handle. It's taken from a George Saunders short story called "The Barber's Unhappiness." I love George Saunders. Tender Gluttons is such a dumb riff off Gertrude Stein's book, Tender Buttons. I think I may have answered a question similar to yours a few months ago, and probably in greater detail, so feel free to scroll down for my earlier answer if you want to know more!
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Before AWP in February, hopefully! We're working on the edits and some other last-minute stuff right now!
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You're welcome! And thank you for your sweet comments about my story. <3
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Whoa, this question is a toughie! I don't even think I'm qualified at all to answer it because I've always gone somewhat unusual routes to finding the jobs I've found. Let's see, craigslist is horrible, but I actually found my second job out of college via Craigslist and it was for 826 Valencia, a non profit founded by Dave Eggers, that I thought, at the time, was my absolute dream job. I've also found some part-time work--teaching, waitressing, odd jobs--via Craigslist, so I wouldn't rule it out, but I'm saying such obvious things right now that I could slap myself. If you are interested in jobs with a mission of social justice or activism, anything in the non-profit sector, and/or community organizations, I really, really suggest www.idealist.org. A lot of cool organizations post job openings through that site. My first job working for a healthcare workers' union (SEIU-UHW) was a job I found through idealist.org. Also, do not underestimate the power of your social network. I'm extremely shy about taking advantage of my social network, but sometimes my friends and family will push me to do it, and I've never regretted it. The job I have now was a job I found out about through my high school boyfriend (we dated more than 12 years ago!) If you ask around and put the word out there to as many people as you know, you will often find that a friend of a friend knows someone who works for X company or organization, and that company/organization is hiring! It works, even though if you overdo the schmoozing/social climbing/selling yourself, people might become wary of you, not to mention it's just a slimy way to be in general.
Something else that is good to do, especially if you are interested in any sort of writing/freelancing/publishing/editing work is to check out the websites of magazines, publishing houses, literary agencies, literary organizations that you really admire and love because they will often post job openings right on their website. Sometimes when I think it would be lovely to switch career paths and work for public radio, I obsessively check NPR and This American Life to see if they are hiring (or even if they are accepting interns even though I am WAY too old and WAY too broke to intern at this point.)
I've been lucky because I was able to secure two jobs right out of college, one via idealist.org and the other via craigslist, of all places, and both were in a way, my dream jobs at the time. Once you have a job, be smart about keeping in contact with people you meet and work with because you never know when you might be looking for a new job, and you never know who might be able to help you find that job. After I left my second job at 826 Valencia, I decided to look for part-time work in the restaurant and hospitality sector, and it turned out three of the places I applied for were restaurants/hotels managed by people I knew through my old job at 826 Valencia (they were all active volunteers!) I'm honestly not very good at being assertive and putting myself out there and asking people for help, but whenever I have forced myself to do it, it always leads somewhere (even if it's not exactly the place I want) and I never ever ever regret it. It takes a while to build up contacts and a robust social network, but it's a great way to advance your "career." Sorry for being really gross and using douchey language like that. Of course, all of this is maybe more applicable for my own particular "career path" (again, sorry,) in writing. I've built up a lot of contacts by working at 826 Valencia, going to the Iowa Writers' Workshop for my MFA (and earning really valuable teaching experience along the way) and just having friends who are also writers and also trying to make it in the world even though writing is not the most financially secure thing one can do. And after ten years of doing this shit, I finally feel like I have a network of people that I can reach out to when I'm looking for work.
I hope this helps a little bit! Good luck! -
Oh man, the heartbreak of having your heart broken. I'm not in any position to be giving out advice. I often deal with heartbreak in really juvenile, uninspired ways. The first time I had my heart broken, I was sad for a year. How did I deal with it? I did a lot of walking around and listening to the same album on repeat (at the time it was the Flaming Lips album "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots,") and watching really mindless television that I didn't even enjoy but somehow soothed me. There was an episode of SATC where Carrie breaks a flower vase and then in the next episode she's all angry and hellbent on trying to have a great day. It's really embarrassing to admit, but watching it always calmed me and made it easier to make it through the day without bursting into tears. I also (for the first time in my life!) really relied on my friends. I talked to them about my irrational desire to go to my ex boyfriend and valiantly try to 'win him over.' They took me out to get ice cream and late night burgers and played Scrabble with me and I went out dancing and went to show in San Francisco. Most of the time, only half of me was really existing in whatever moment I existed in and the other half was thinking about how sad I was and how I might never not be sad again. But then time passes and it helps to fall in love again and it even helps to fall in like again because it just makes you realize that there are so many people that you might potentially love one day if only you can stop being so fucking sad all the time! And it's hard to stop being so fucking sad all the time, but it's possible! My most recent break-up was really hard too. I ended a three year relationship with the person I thought I would love forever and ever and ever, and then when it was over, I had to reconcile with my previous conviction that this was the person I would always love more than anyone else, because if I allowed myself to believe that to be absolutely true then I was looking at a pretty lonely life without any chance of ever loving anyone else as much ever again and that made me sad for sure. I spent a lot of my nights watching Top Chef, and for whatever reason that that helped me a lot. I went to France feeling sorry for myself because everyone in France seems to be in a relationship (or affair) and it reminded me that I wasn't. But then I fell in love again and I realized that falling in love isn't the hard part (at least not for me,) but figuring out how to sustain and nurture that love is the difficult part. I think I've also learned that even if at the time I feel shattered and like I will never pick myself up from the floor again, there will always come a time when I no longer feel that way, and even the most devastating sadness will eventually go away and what's more, when it does, I won't emerge more fragile and broken than ever before, but in fact, it's possible that I'll emerge feeling totally okay and even a little bit happier. I hope my cheesy, new agey, personal anecdote-y advice helps a little.
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Oh man. Well my favorite awards show moment was when Tupac's mom and Biggie's mom came together and hugged at the BET awards. So I guess I love both equally. The only mildly controversial thing I can say is that the East Coast beats out West Coast when it comes to food. (Even though there is so much delicious food to be had in the Bay area.... but New York is still the mecca for food.) The Chinese food in New York is better than the Chinese food in China (in my opinion!)
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That's such a funny question! I like her okay. Her music seems really trite and both overly referential and overly watered down sometimes, but I guess I support her instinct for performance and aesthetic bombastic-ness. My friend Tony made this website in honor of her Telephone video: http://letsmakeasandwich.com/ and my friend Ryan made a fanzine, "Prison for Bitches," about Gaga that's pretty bitchin': http://prisonforbitches.com/
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You know what? My immediate response was: no time at all! I went to a high school where very few of my peers valued creativity or intellectual pursuits of any kind (sorry that's a loaded and slightly scummy term, but by "intellectual pursuits" I just mean being interested in learning about the world and actively being a part of it) and then I got to college and was so so hungry to meet other people who were interesting and I did, right away. I was also so eager to be free and independent after an extremely restrictive upbringing, so all of that just made me want so badly to love my college experience. But if I were to try and be more honest about my college experience, I would say that it did take me a while to get totally comfortable.
I was never comfortable with dorm life and the "dorm spirit" that was a big part of being a freshman at Stanford. I remember the first night of orientation in my dorm feeling very bro-ey and there was a lot of hooting and wooting that never fails to make me feel low energy and uninspired by comparison. There were a lot of group activities at the beginning of freshman year and I never really felt comfortable participating in that particular type of "ritualized wackiness," if that makes sense. Like there was one night when the Stanford band ran into all the freshman dorms and swept us up and we all went on a "band run." And it was supposed to be a fun activity to make everyone feel comfortable and happy about being in college, but it had the opposite effect on me. It made me feel small and anxious and sulky and honestly, it made me feel like I wasn't high energy and wacky enough. The next day there was a football game that everyone got gussied up for. Again I felt like the weirdo who didn't want to get face painted and I hid in my room and wouldn't go to the football game. I was the only person in my dorm and when I went to talk to the Resident Fellows about not wanting to go, they kind of looked at me totally confused, like, Why not??
I also made friends with people who probably weren't the best match for me but I sort of became friends with them because they happened to live in my dorm and (gasp!) liked me! It was painful to realize about my freshmen year friends and also it was eyeopening to realize that I could actually CHOOSE my friends based on common interests rather than this person who had to become friends with whomever wanted to be friends with me! I think by the middle of sophomore year, I was beginning to be more thoughtful about forming friendships and juggling my schoolwork and figuring out what was important to me. By junior year, I had a really awesome group of friends (we are still friends and they are still the best writers I know) and I felt like I had found my place at Stanford. I also figured out by then that I didn't want to be an English major and that it was okay to never want to go to a football game and to not have school spirit and not ever want to go to a frat party or a weird dorm party. So I guess I should revise my answer completely and say that even though I loved being in college right from the start, it did take me two years to really find my place in the sun. Hope your college experience (if you've started it) is a good one so far! And don't despair if it's not, because I've found that you can always find like-minded, cool people. If not at first, then eventually if you keep looking.
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