Ask me anything except anything to do with the secret to helium

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    1. Ugly Advice Woman

      God doesn't care what you do as long as you go to church. If God endorsed any reason for you not to go to church, he wouldn't be doing his job properly.

    2. Ugly Advice Woman

      You will need your bronchial tubes if you ever plan on visiting the Bronx, otherwise, you can certainly give them up. Don't donate them to Japanese tourists, though. Japanese people don't really like the Bronx, so it is likely they will be using them for alternative and illicit purposes.

    3. Ugly Advice Woman

      Don't put helium in the fridge. It reacts negatively with the freon. Helium is very secretive. Freon is kind of like one of those SEO bloggers that are always writing about secrets nobody wanted you to know. Very bad combination. Leave the helium, and get a 1st generation iPod that doesn't work anymore.

    4. Ugly Advice Woman
    5. Ugly Advice Woman

      You only need a turkey baster while living in a tent in Mexico, and who does that anyways? The letter 8 has been hiding under the buffet table for as long as I can remember.

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      A heliotrope is a type of donkey farm that was outlawed in 1973, because the farmers were said to be cruel, and only fed the donkeys french fries. If you think one exists, you should draw a gigantic hexagon on the ground just outside the farm, stand in the middle of the hexagon, and toss Milton-Bradley board game pieces at the fence. Authorities will arrive within moments and take care of things from there.

    15. Ugly Advice Woman

      Your giant squid is simply suffering from Bieber Fever. Justin Bieber smells like laundry detergent because he bathes in it, and then he stuffs no less than 216 dryer sheets in his clothes and body orifices right before a concert. This is why the girls are nuts about him. He smells soooo good! You need to somehow convince your pet giant squid that he's never going to smell like Justin Bieber. The dryer sheets are just going to end up smelling like squid. That's what happens when you're not a celebrity.

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    17. Ugly Advice Woman

      For someone who can't type properly and doesn't know how to use a comma, you've got your nerve telling me what I'm free to do in my own Q&A forum.

    18. Ugly Advice Woman

      If by "trihedral" you are talking about a three-legged donkey flying a brown airplane, then the answer is yes.

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Ugly Advice Woman

Philadelphia, PA

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Ugly Advice Woman’s Bio

You can ask me any question you'd like. Since I don't exist, I know everything. Feel free to ask questions about: mayonnaise, conveyor belts, 1976, Haiti, vacuum cleaners, ceramic heaters, people named Hector, people with 33 legs, and so on...