Ask me anything
Recent Responses
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A dolphin or an axolotl.
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Yep, I just finished the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and Veronika Decides to Die. They were both very good.
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Nope. Are you?
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Yes, things are fine. I'm trying to figure out the next step in my life, and I tend to get very quiet when I'm trying to figure things out. Thanks for asking! Nope, I haven't seen Sam and Jenn's pictures. I'll look right now!
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I'm going to go with Bob and anyone who is at the reunion. Me and Bob, Bob and my Dad, Bob and Bryan, Bob and the hotel workers. The possibilities are endless with him.
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Yes. I really miss Flagstaff. I think I will end up living there sometime in the future. I feel a sense of *home* there that I have not felt anywhere else, even though all of my family is in CA. I love Northern Arizona. I think it's a magic place.
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I don't think resent it the correct word, because that implies that I feel ill will toward them. I am always ecstatic for people who I know who become pregnant. There is no resentment felt. I do get frustrated, however, with women who do not take good care of their children who I see in the media or on ridiculous tv shows like, '16 and pregnant.' It definitely makes me wonder why they are able to have children and I am not.
I do think that when I do have kids it will be so much sweeter because I will have had to work so hard to get them. -
No need to feel sorry. People deal with much worse things every day. I have had ten years to process the weirdness of it all, so it's not as big a deal now. :)
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This is a good and complicated question and is something I think about daily. You are going to get SO much more information than you wanted, but too bad.
In short, no. Becoming a doula has not changed my desire to have children. I have always wanted to be a mom. How I have children, however, is an entirely different matter. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with a genetic disorder called Swyer Syndrome (it’s totally freaky! Read up on it. I am genetically male and physically female) that affects my reproductive system. I know that I can never have biological children (I had to have my the tissue that should have been my ovaries removed as soon as they diagnosed me because of cancer risk) and there is a small chance I could carry a child.
Not only has being a doula made me want to experience pregnancy and childbirth more (A LOT MORE) than before, but starting about a year ago my ‘biological clock’ started ticking. Before this happened to me, I didn’t really believe in a biological clock. I thought they were just a socially constructed myth. It is not. There are times when every ounce of my being screams for a baby to hold. There’s just nothing sweeter. I also have some close friends who are pregnant right now which makes me want to experience it. I think it’s the coolest thing ever that WE, we stupid humans who mess up so many things, can reproduce. I don’t know why this is so mind blowing for me.
I know being pregnant would be an amazing experience, but I am morally conflicted about spending so much money on an egg donor and in vitro fertilization when I could be using that money to adopt a child who REALLY needs a loving home. I feel that it would be very selfish of me to do that when there are thousands of children around the world who are sitting in orphanages. I also believe that we have a major overpopulation problem and that it would be better for the environment and our natural resources if people did not give birth to as many children. The biggest impact on my desire to have children, and how I have them, was nannying for five years in college. I was employed by the same family all five years and they have children who are adopted and who the mom has given birth to. The mom is in a similar situation to me fertility wise. Weird that I would become employed by a family whose mother has reproductive issues, right??? It further confused me because I thought that the adopted children would feel differently or be treated differently by others and they are not. They are loved in the exact same way, are treated the same way and are as well adjusted as the other children in the family. I thought that maybe seeing a situation in which the adopted kids were treated differently would make me say, ‘No way I am giving birth. I am only adopting because I don’t want anyone to feel different,’ but this family proved my theory wrong. Also, I still have a great desire to experience pregnancy. The obvious resolution to this is to just do one or the other. Adopt all of my children or carry all of my children. The problem is that I really WANT to adopt. I have such wonderful adoption examples in my life that I can’t NOT adopt. The obvious solution to THIS conundrum is to simply say, ‘I’ll just adopt some and give birth to some.’ But then I run into the moral dilemma of, ‘I will spend tens of thousands of dollars getting pregnant when I could have spent that money adopting babies who are already born and who need love.’ So then, you might say, ‘why don’t you just carry one baby and adopt the rest? It will be a happy medium!’ But then I think, what if the one child I carry feels left out because they’re not adopted? What if the rest of the kids feel resentful of the one I carried because they feel like they’re ‘more’ my child than the adopted ones? I know that the family who I nannied for disproves that theory, but what if it is different for me?
I am really good at giving my future children complexes, by the way.
So, again, to answer your question my desire to be a mom has not changed. Since nannying for the family in college I have wanted a big family since becoming a doula I still want a big family, regardless of how the children come to me. I am still confused about how to have them and probably will be until the time comes to start a family. Also, a lot of this depends on whether I have a husband/partner when I decide to have children and how he feels about the situation.
Until then, I will argue with myself because that is how I roll.
If you have any questions about Swyer Syndrome or infertility PLEASE don’t hesitate to ask. There is so much stigma associated with these topics and I think that talking about it is the only way to fix that. -
I love big, meaty Cabernet Sauvignons. Some of my favorites include Jordan, Chappellete, Chimney Rock and Silver Oak. My favorite red blend is Justin Isosceles. I think my favorite region would probably be Paso Robles? If I had to drink one thing for the rest of my life it would be Veuve Clicquot. I love love love the widow Veuve, the story behind the vineyard and her risky move to head her own business at the turn of the 19th century. I have a blog post simmering about my love for her. :) Stay tuned. Veuve is probably my favorite because we've used it to celebrate every holiday and important occasion in my family since I was 16 (this was the 'supervised' drinking age in my family). It ALWAYS reminds me of my mother and feeling fancy and special drinking our bubbles.
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No. I grew up in Belmont Shore and Huntington Beach.
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Either a mermaid or an axolotl.
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I wouldn't know. I have never been in love and doubt I ever will be. I come from 'one of those' Southern California families with schloads of divorce and bad relationships, so I've been pretty jaded and cynical when it comes to love and relationships since the age of 9 or 10?? I love my family and friends FIERCELY and most of the time I think that is enough to sustain me. There are days when I long for someone to be in love with in a romantic sense, but based on past experience I would just run run run away if the situation presented itself again!
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Sure, why not? I would not expect anything from it. I think the people who are on the show are total whacks. It would make for some entertaining stories, though.
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Five days. I was in Havasupai. There are no showers. We bathed in waterfalls.
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I have two tattoos that are half way through the removal process, so I don't think I'll get any more. Both of them were bad decisions, obviously. I considered getting Nelson Mandella's prison number (46664) on my upper forearm but that was in my political science student college days. I also thought about getting one of my favorite sayings/mantras tattooed somewhere, but I think it's best I keep my body clear of any more ink. Thank GAWD my step mom does tattoo removal at her derma clinic. :)
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I would go to the Thirsty Camel at the Phoenician and I would drink TEN Thirsty Camel Martinis, which would cost $150 plus a $30 tip. With the remaining $20 I would take a cab home. I am very thirsty right now. Can you tell?
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If I were to switch teams and had my choice of Hollywood A listers I would probably go with Angelina? I think she would be REALLY good in bed. Maybe Brad would join. Oooh. la. la.
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If I'd already attended a yoga class and/or swum some laps in the pool I would spend my extra hour reading in my bathtub infused with Dr. Bronner's Lavender.
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I have not. I am having a very hard time with food/self sabotage/old ED issues rearing their ugly head. I keep eating the foods I'm allergic to even though the allergies are getting worse and are making me physically ill more often. #girlsgotissues. :)
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