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All responses Most smiled responses
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There are several really good books on rope bondage aimed at beginniers, one of the best of which is Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook. Two others I quite like are Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes and The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Have fun!
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There's nothing you can do to *make* another person be secure. Nor is there any guarantee that even if he were secure, he would necessarily be OK with being polyamorous.
You can reassure him that you love him and you don't plan to replace him, but that's about all you can do. Security has to come from within; you can't do it for another person.
If he absolutely does not want a non-monogamous relationship, then he may be right; you may have to choose. Should it come to that, I would suggest that you don't choose between two people; instead, make the choice that brings you closer to the life that you want to have.
Good luck! -
"Nautilus" is a good one, I hear. Oh, wait, you mean for a submissive, not a submarine! :)
Actually, that's something I'm likely to draw a blank on. I've never used a different "scene name" from my real name; I'm always just Franklin. A good place to look, though, might be in works of fiction you both like. -
I don't know yet when it'll be done; it's a bit more complex than the other stories, so it's taking quite some time to write. (I think it'll be worth it, though!) I haven't decided yet where it'll be released.
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asked by NataliedelV
In quantum mechanics, things behave in really strange ways that aren't anything like the way things in the macroscopic world behave. Under certain circumstances, particles can seem to be in two places at once or seem to take two different paths at once, for example, and will remain in a state of being both here and there simultaneously, until they interact with an observer that "collapses" them down to being in just one place.
For example, a photon fired at a beam splitter can behave as if it goes off in both directions at the same time, and it continues in this odd way until it interacts with an observer, at which point it gives the appearance of having only gone off in one direction. (That's oversimplifying, but it gets the idea across.)
Schrodinger's Cat is a thought experiment that's designed to help explain the idea. In the thought experiment, a cat is placed in a box with a radiation detector attached to a vial of poison. The radiation detector waits for a quantum-level event. If one is detected, then the vial is opened and the cat dies; if it isn't detected, then the cat lives. Since quantum phenomena often act like they simultaneously happen and don't happen, the cat would simultaneously be dead and alive. It would stay that way until someone opened the box and observed the cat, at which point the superposition would collapse and the cat would appear to have been alive or dead all along.
This can't actually happen, of course. A cat can't simultaneously be dead and alive. More importantly, though, people get really messed up about what an "observer" is.
A lot of New Age pseudoscience and faux spiritual philosophies have sprung up around quantum mechanics, mainly with the idea that since we observe the universe, we bring it into being just by looking at it.
Problem is, to a physicist, an "observer" isn't a person. An observer is anything whose state depends in a thermodynamically irreversible way on the state of the thing being observed. If a photon collides with an electron and changes its state, the electron is an observer. In the Schrodinger's cat thought experiment, the radiation detector is an observer. Anything you see about human beings creating or affecting the universe just by looking at it is bunk--it's based on a false idea of what the word "observer" means in quantum mechanics. -
Hmm. Interesting question.
There are a number of possibilities. You could create a profile on a Web site like Fetlife, Collarme, or Bondage.com, and point it to an IM profile on something like Yahoo or AIM. (I've heard it claimed that AOL's killer app, back in the early 90s, was cybersexing, long before Web sites like Fetlife existed.)
Another possibility is to set up a profile on a site like Literotica and use the forums there. I know at least one woman who's done exactly what you're talking about by participating in the Literotica forums, then chatting in IM with some of the folks she met there.
In any event, no matter how you choose to go about it, the key bit is interactivity. You can't just put down that you're looking for IM domination and get what you want; I would say that engaging folks in conversation, like perhaps in online forums, until you find folks whose tastes are similar to yours and who want the same thing you do would probably be the best approach. -
Without feeling weird? Well, if you've never talked about this sort of thing before, you will feel weird; it comes with the territory. Doing anything for the first time, whether it's riding a bike or shooting darts or using a computer, always feels weird.
However, that's not a big deal. Feeling awkward won't kill you. In fact, it won't even hurt you. And once you've done it, the weirdness goes away quickly.
When I find myself in a position where I want to talk to a partner about something that makes me feel weird, I say so. "Listen, there's something I want to talk about. It's not easy for me to talk about it, and I'm probably going to feel awkward saying this, so bear with me." Just acknowledging that you feel weird, of and by itself, really helps, I think.
From that point, say exactly what you said here. "i have major issues letting myself go. its hard for me to give up control. I'd like to work with you to find a way for you to take control, because I trust you and this is something I'd like to explore with you."
See? Simple! Not necessarily easy, but simple. Life rewards courage. :) -
I'm not familiar with them. A quick Google search turned up a Web site that has some very ambitious ideals; I assume that's the organization?
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It's been continued (and extensively rewritten) on the Web site. No promises, but we may be seeing more of Eileen and Anthony in another story...
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Other than mine? :)
I generally find Literotica to be a good source of BDSM stories, though I don't have any specific recommendations. -
I've just posted a complete rewrite (with a long extended ending) of the Webcam story on my site at symtoys.com -- I'm working on a totally new story right now, that should be up on Symtoys and Amazon soon(ish).
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"What is Annoying partner behavior," Alex?
Have you talked to him about it? -
Thanks! :) To be fair, though, there are also quite a few very cool people in the scene as well.
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Thanks! :)
I'm working on a total, top-to-bottom rewrite of the Webcam story right now. When that's done, I'll be starting something entirely new. Stay tuned! -
If you're not into it, you're not into it. One of the things I have discovered is that BDSM activities with someone who's not into them aren't fun. A partner who is just grudgingly going along with it isn't a good partner to be involved in BDSM with.
I'd suggest trying to find something in it that works for you. Forget any stereotypes you have in your head about what people who are into BDSM are "supposed" to like, and see if there are any activities that you DO like. Talk to your partner about what he likes, and see if anything in those lists intersects.
Good luck! -
So your partner who isn't your husband doesn't want to accept that you're polyamorous?
In that case, there's little you can do except end the relationship. After six years, if he hasn't figured out that you aren't going to run off and be with him exclusively, he's not going to. I'd suggest laying it out on the table quite simply: You're not monogamous, you're not going to be monogamous, he doesn't get to have you all to himself, and if that's not okay with him he doesn't get to have you at all.
Yeah, it's rough letting go of a six-year-relationship. But if he's insisting that you be something that you're not, what else can you do? -
Sadly, no. A while back, I had planned to set up a community Web site where folks could exchange decks, but that sort of fizzled; it turns out that it's a lot easier to use a deck than it is to write one, so nobody wanted to write decks, everyone just wanted to download them. Needless to say, if nobody's writing decks, there's nothing to download.
I'd love to see a lot of folks exchanging cards and decks, but I'm not quite sure how to make that happen. -
Funny you should ask; I'm working on that right now!
The first Kindle book is finished, and will be available from Amazon and at symtoys.com very very soon (it may even be on Amazon's listings in the next 72 hours or so). The second book, which has a completely new chapter at the end, should be up a week or so after that. -
That's a pickle, isn't it? The organized BDSM community in most cities is large and relatively easy o find, but on the flip side it's also often rife with assumptions that may not fit you, and I've noticed that in many places it's rife with misogyny as well.
That doesn't mean it's all bad, though. There are often people in the BDSM community who *are* a good fit, if you can find them. I've met some really amazing people by attending BDSM munches, which are informal, social get-togethers for the purpose of meeting folks rather than for play. It definitely pays to be careful when meeting anyone for play, of course, but munches can offer a low-pressure way to vet folks and fond people whose ideas about BDSM match yours.
In all honesty, though, I personally have found a lot more success in meeting people on OK Cupid, which is an awesome site I highly recommend, and meeting people socially through friends. It can be a bit tricky at first when you're starting out and oyu don't already have a social network of folks who are kinky, but I have found it pays to deliberately seek out the company of sex-positive, open, happy people and to build a social network of folks like that.
Good luck! -
The dds are that you can't "convince" him to do anything. I tend to be very skeptical of any attempts to "convince" a partner to do things; in my experience, it is much better (and more successful) to find partners who have similar tastes, and who already enjoy experimenting and trying new things.
Having said that:
Have you asked him WHY he thinks it's disgusting and wrong?
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Franklin Veaux’s Bio
Pierced, tattooed, polyamorous, kinky, atheist transhumanist
