Proficiently.

Bloody hand prints? Must be that vampire coven that keeps popping up from time to time. I keep ghosting them, but do they stay dead? Oh, no. I laced the door with rose water, garlic and mistletoe, which is why there are also piles of soot in front of my door, too. Which reminds me ... I have to refresh the garlic traps again.

Jamaica: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hibiscus_tea

Jonathan Coulton, "Code Monkey".

Yes, please.

I did not like it.

A bullet to the head.

This one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi11IAqa9Pc

Play

Bagels.

Italian sausage.

YES.

I spilled some on my pillow. Does that count?

In real life.

Whichever Mistress prefers.

CHICAGO. AND DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT.

Both of them.

I keep waking up with new scars. I'm thinking that I've been secretly dating a vampire in my sleep.

Yep.

In a reality show.

Yes.