I'm going through edits for my second book, my first young adult novel, which is called "Great" and will be out from HarperTeen in early 2014, fingers crossed. I'm also working on the outline and first two chapters for my third book, another young adult novel, which doesn't have a title yet. That'll be out sometime in 2015, I believe. I'm working with supahstaaah Aubrey O'Day on her first novel. I'm trying to write an original pilot. And I do stand-up comedy!

Right now, hipster banjo mope rock. I also dig 1920s and 1930s jazz a la Jelly Roll Morton.

Okay, so in the rest of your question you said you met a new girl and you dig her but you want closure with your BFF. If this gal isn't making moves or giving more signals that she's into you, it's time to set her free like the butterfly that she is. You may need to back off the friendship a little bit, since it seems you are still into her. You can ask her for a definitive answer on the "will we or won't we" angle, but chances are she will dance around it. And only start dating girl #2 if you are sure you are done with romantic stuff with girl #1.

This is an excellent question. I think we should all be issued vibrators (or fleshlights? or whatever?)

I know it's gross! That's why I'm NOT into it! I like to joke about it onstage because it is so so gross.

Sure, but only if that was a mutual agreement.

Honey, if he was an asshole it doesn't matter whether he "loved" you or not. He was a jerk! You don't truly, deeply want to be with someone like that.

You need to start to say no. You're not a better person because you drain yourself of all energy and resources.

Well, I suppose we've got to find out if he's into you. You could straight-up ask, or you could do the friend thing where a TRUSTED friend asks him for you. Whether he's into you or not, you are still a cool person, so be confident and know that no matter what, you will eventually find the right guy for you!

Gurl I am a fan of the h-less Saras as well. We must unite!

Hmmm. Well, I'd back off from the friendship with him and try to just do stuff with her. Or maybe skip the threesome hangouts and just do stuff with one or the other.

I'd say Margaret Cho, John Leguizamo, David Sedaris, and Kathy Griffin. And the great George Carlin.

Hi darling. I'm terribly sorry I took so long to respond to you. It's been forever and a day. I'm going to assume that you are still engaging in this behavior. You CAN tell someone -- you told me, right? I think the next person you ought to tell should be a counselor. Listen, everybody relapses sometimes. I mean, that's part of the healing process. Having an issue like bulimia or agoraphobia (which I have) is a chronic thing that you have to continually manage. Your eating disorder brain is very strong and you've been "feeding" it by engaging in the puking -- so then it gets stronger, and it shouts louder at you -- and on and on. It's not your fault. You didn't ask to be this way. However, you DO have a choice, and that is to continue to do this in private or to put up the white flag and ask for some help. Don't be embarrassed -- I relapsed into agoraphobia and depression when I was 31 and had to ask my parents for help. You are way younger and way likelier to bounce back fast! I am proud of you for writing to me. I wish you the best of luck.

Are they BBQ? Yes.

First of all, how old are you? It sounds like you're underage, and you didn't "let" some guy feel you up -- he felt you up, he's a creepy old man, and that's abusive and probably illegal. You need to talk about this to a therapist ASAP. I'd also tell your mom.

There certainly can be. As a comic, I face this challenge when I want to use humor to address a serious situation. Some situations just don't mesh well with jokes.

Tell them.

That sucks, but it's her loss! In the future, you can always flip the script by giving them your number/email. I know that puts the ball in their court, but it's kind of sexy!

I would talk to the people whose opinions matter most to you and tell them that the rumor this girl is spreading is untrue. You might consider asking your friends for advice on how to handle her. If necessary, you should talk to Crush Boy, too.

Have you tried a vibrator? They can really be quite wonderful. There's a site called Babeland.com that is owned by women (they also have a few brick-and-mortar shops) that has lovely advice.