At some point in the last 5 years or so I stopped attempting to find my validation externally and started focusing inward so that my validation was dependant on no one but me. I never plan to be completely free of the desire for the external validation; there is worth in the opinions of those I trust and respect, but it has resulted in my ability to see the amount of dysfunction I added to my relationships because I relied too heavily on my relationships to feel validated.

I can recognize that I also have tended to continue in relationships far past their point of usefulness. If the relationship ceases to grow and develop as time progresses then likely its not worth continuing in and changing or exiting gracefully means the difference between burning piles of belongings and being friends and meaning it.

To this date, I have not been very good at keeping my exes as friends, but I have reached at least a resolution with all of them that left me without regret.

Certainly I will say that my current relationship with Robert is a direct result of the awareness I have of HOW dysfunctional I have been in relationships past, because I am very careful not to repeat those patterns in this relationship.

Occasionally I am still passive-aggressive, I still allow my imagination to get the best of me and I still really want to run for the hills, but now those occasions are fewer and they cause a dissonance in my own head.