Dude, alf my life WAS without the internet. It was a magical time when people spent most of their time outside and didn't give a fuck about who was their friend or not.

Scrubs.

Clear.

My wife, my kids, my desire to punch assholes in the asshole.

I go back and forth on this one. For a long time it was Freddy Krueger. Then Michael Myers. Then Pinhead and the Cenobytes. Then back to Michael Meyers again with the Rob Zombie Halloween movies. Now I think the only monster in my life is the load I dropped in my pants.

I like to kick midgets in the nuts. Does that count?

I'm hung like a sloth, have the personality of a gnat, and sting like a cucumber.

It's a dish best served with chili fries.

So far I have had the most recent experience with Playstation 3. I've tried Xbox and it's ok, but I have a virtual boner for my PS3.

Yes. And then I hate them more

Her tits.

Bob Dole.

Any band except A Fallen Mind. They're a bunch of limey bastards.

I own Hitler's vagina. It's in my other pants.

"Hey, Cunt. You make me a sandwich yet?"

I'm an introverted extrovert.

Christian Anarchism? WTF are you smoking?

I prefer dollar bills.

Taco Bell.

I'm not shy. I just dislike talking to new people, as a general rule.