I'm not a father.
But I remember when my mom was pregnant with sister
And the most unpleasant thing about that was like, I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW THE BABY GOT IN THERE. MOM, DID YOU FUCKING EAT A BABY?
THAT'S STUPID, IF YOU WANTED A DAMN BABY, YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT IT THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE YOU ATE IT. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE.

my entire childhood was ruined.
my mom was a baby eating weirdo.
i couldn't sleep for months.

I actually think it should be illegal for anyone to wear clothes.

Except dogs.

When dogs where clothes, it's hilarious.

It should always be lawful for dogs to wear clothes. I feel very strongly about that.

Formspring, this is why we're best friends, YOU ARE HILARIOUS.

If I had a yacht, I'd name it S.S Fancy Pants. Or, "I could have fed many starving children for years with the amount of money I spent on this". Kinda long, so I might just go for, "Sorry, kids." Or, "better luck in the next life." Or, "My happiness is important, too."

If that's what someone wants to believe i don't see how it would benefit me to tell them otherwise.


I hope god is a french fry.

When I have a snowball fight, my siblings always aim for my crotch.
When I have a water fight, my siblings always aim for my crotch.
When I try to have a pillow fight, they refuse to join in because it's a queer way to fight, apparently.

But constantly focusing on balls when you are fighting is not queer, I guess.

What is this logic.

No. My mom has. She's a criminal. omg.

a dolla maks me holla
I can go to the dollar tree, and buy some crayons. And with those crayons, I can draw a world in which everyone is made of hotdog buns. CREATIVITY AT IT'S FINEST.

Yo' momma... Gave birth to you.

Unless you were adopted... But she still loved and cared for you, as though you were her own, and that's just as wonderful of her.

who does that
wat

WOULD I REFUSE TO LOVE A PERSON FOR HAVING A BAD TATTOO? NO.
WOULD I REFUSE TO LOVE SOMEONE FOR GETTING A LITTLE TOO EXCITED BEFORE THEY KNOW WHAT'S REALLY HAPPENING? NO. BEEN THERE. DONE THAT. EVERYDAY. OMG LOOK AN OWL. I'M SO EXCITED.

WOULD I REFUSE TO LOVE SOMEONE FOR BEING A STALKER? NOT UNLESS THEY WERE THE DANGEROUS KIND.

The only time my mom genuinely humiliates me is when she starts telling total strangers her whole life story.
One time in particular, we were in the checkout line after grocery shopping, and it's loud and shit in there you know, so I can't really hear what's going on. I put all the stuff up there, while my mom is standing in front of the cashier, and by the time I get within earshot, she's like "And then my daughter was born, through c-section, THAT WAS SO MUCH EASIER. Vaginal births are for the birds. THAT'S HOW I HAD THIS ONE *POINTS AT ME* IT WAS NO VACATION" and the cashier lady will be like "OH IS THIS YOUR SON?!" like, in that, I dunno, 1 minute, that it took me to put the crap up there and move forward, she'd already heard so much about me. The other thing is, she just said I was born from her ladyparts, who else would I be besides her son?
But, since she did ask, that gave me the option to shriek NO I'M NOT, I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS WOMAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE, which I was pretty tempted to do. But mom was like "YEEEEEES ;D" in some half-baby-talk-half-creepy-pervert-tone-of-voice. And then there was just part of a second, where they both stared at me, with these weird smiles on their faces, and I was like "Am I being Punk'D? dez bitches B crazy"

So yeah. She does stuff like that all the time. That's not even the worst of it.

My dad humiliates me when he does, the kinda-sort-of-similar-thing, of making crackpot remarks about politics to total strangers. Recently, and again, we were at Wal-Mart in the checkout line, the lady in front of us was trying to sort out her welfare card, or something. And she was like "why can't it all be together" and dad goes, "well, enjoy it now, because after this election, you won't have it anymore." HE WAS IMPLYING THAT, "WHEN" ROMNEY WINS, HE WILL TAKE WELFARE AWAY FROM THE "UNDESERVING" .And that time, I actually said "Holy shit, dad." And he was like, "what?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT. YOU LOOK FUCKING INSANE, THAT'S WHAT. CHILL OUT. SHUT YO' PIEHOLE. I wanted to tell that lady I was sorry, and then be all like 'yo man, das not hoo i am ok, das not hoo he is, he's just been drinking a lot of coffee 2day, ya dig?"

bUT i DIDN'T. bECAUSE i'M SHORT.

tHAT'S NOT WHY. PROBABLY.

bUT i FEEL IT MAY BE A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

CAPS LOCK WHEN DID YOU GET HERE

Don't come to a party you're not invited to, capslock.

das so rood

There's this girl I go to school with, she's a senior. And people call her a slut all the time. I'm not sure why. It has something to do with the way she dresses, which I think is pretty cool. And uncommon, around here. I think she fucking makes her clothes or something. But that's why she's a slut. Because they don't like the way she looks. It has nothing to do with sexual promiscuity... Which is something I don't think people should be berated for, anyway. Unless they're just a jerk about it, you know. Like, if they're hurting people, intentionally, manipulating them or something. Then, yeah, I guess it's reasonable to say "WELL I DON'T FIND YOU PLEASANT AT ALL, SIR/MADAM." Or if you want to go all pre-school up in this bitch, you can shout "OMFG U R SUCH A SLUT'
BUT LIKE I'VE SAID BEFORE. I LOVE THE WORD TROLLOP. IF I WAS GOING TO GO ALL PRE-SCHOOL UP IN THIS BITCH, I'D BE CALLING PEOPLE TROLLOPS INSTEAD OF SLUTS. IT HAS TROLL IN IT. THAT'S SO FITTING.
maybe i'll make up my own word, like 'genitals troll' trollin' all the genitals
and whatnot
u noe

Anyway, I don't know this girl, at all, but she seems like a solid person, with like, the most absurdly badass Anthrax shirt, ever. Idk why we aren't friends.
That's not true. Ik why. I'm short.
That's probably a contributing factor.

I've seen 987658765678998765 virgins accused of being sluts.
So what I previously thought was the meaning of that word, must have been wrong.

If the word can be applied to pretty much any woman, then I don't see why it can't be applied to men, as well.

Actually, I think I'm going to start telling people I'm a slut.

I'm going to be like 'omg dat guy is such a slut, look at his top, omg is dat white lol it's after labor day, my god ur a slut'
And just see if it catches on.
My new (lol 'new' as if I had one before) goal in life is to see if I can get every high school student in the surrounding areas to start calling men sluts, regularly.
When I'm done with this world, everyone will be a slut.
It'll spread like the plague across the midwest, then all of the united states.
My America will be a better America.
Soon Canada, the UK, the Middle-East. THE ENTIRE WORLD.
some kind of Sneech shit will go down, like the whole 'stars on thars' fiasco, and being called, or considered, a slut will be a desired social status.
The words, humans, person(s), people(s), man, woman, boy, girl, individual, being, mortal, hominid, fleshy, et cetera, will become obsolete. The use of these kinds of words will, at first, be considered quaint. Like when people say "rad" or "groovy" these days.
And eventually, the use of these words will be punishable by law.
I'll be appointed king of the sluts. THIS WAS MY BRAIN CHILD.
I will drape myself in velvet.
SPEAKING OF CHILDS, I WILL START HACKING HANDS OFF FOR SAYING THE WORD CHILD, AND ALSO; sluts (former people) will be so busy trying to be sluts properly, they'll forget to have sex. They'll stop trying to advance medical science and technology. They'll stop cultivating the land. And this race of sluts will die out, completely.
When I'm lying among the many casualties (caSLUTies) of this beautiful empire I created, I will shed a single tear. Not out of regret, or sorrow, but of unmitigated, unadulterated, rapture.
And as the tear rolls down my sunken cheek, and into the barren soil beneath me, I will take my last breaths, knowing, that I won. I finally won. I WON.
ARE YOU PROUD OF ME NOW, MOMMY? I WON. THEY REFUSED TO BE AT PEACE. SO I GAVE THEM ANNIHILATION. PEACE OR ANNIHILATION.
YOU MADE YOUR CHOICES. NOW YOU SHALL KNOW /ETERNAL/ PEACE.

ok

That is not a flattering facial expression she has there. That looks a lot like the face I always make... Now I'm seeing my head on her body.

it's weird.
but i'm kind of into it.

We had a science book that had some illustrations of naked people in it.

Yes, illustrations, as in, not real ppl.

When i was like 9, i hid that book in my room, and looked at those naked ppl all the time...

/sinsofthepast

Share them with everyone on Formspring, obviously.

but not with the people who don't like cats.

fuk doz guys.