Oh, right! I got you now.

Parenting is hard. We place so much pressure on parents and tell them there's a "right" and a "wrong" way with dire consequences for the latter. Often when I see a rather ungentle, deliberate parenting choice (like some of the "don't spoil the baby by giving him what it wants" tenets) it's backed up by many, many people in our communities and "experts" in our culture. You know, if you hold your baby when she's hungry then she'll learn she can have whatever she wants. Crap like that. In no small part are parents doing things like this because they are terrified what would happen if they were more mindful and gentle and strong, rather than punitive and authoritarian.

Also: raising a kid is hard on our egos. And I think many of us are raised such that when our kids conflict with or confront us think there are sort of two classes: those Dominating and those Being Dominated. Like, people might think I'm a pretty good parent in this or that way but sometimes I get this crazy-righteous anger that I'm being infringed on in some way by my selfish kids. That inner monologue... <sigh>. I've had it since my eldest was about 10 months old and I hate it. It never helps me make good decisions.

I do try to relate to parents how much I wish I'd been gentler. Other than that, and raising my kids in a respectful fashion that is still, Hello, producing good kids, it's hard to know how to influence things for the better.

Thanks for your question!