Ask me anything
Recent Responses
-
-
I think, like cleavage, it depends on context. In church, I'd say showing a large bulge is going to offend. Going out at night, not so much. There's a lot of room in between. Though I have to say, I don't think I've ever been personally offended by the sight of anyone's bulge.
-
Definitely not on my account, and not that I'm aware of on a partner's account.
-
I'm all good with never seeing it. It would never have satisfied the conspiracy theorists, anyhow, they'd've just claimed it was photoshopped. It would've just fed bloodlust and fueled revenge plots. If the administration wants to, say, show evidence to the UN or a bunch of journalists or some other theoretically "neutral" third party to verify, that might be a decent compromise. But honestly, no one who thinks this has been faked is going to be convinced otherwise, are they?
-
There are a few different responses, all of which can be useful:
1) It's only awkward because you aren't used to it. The more you do it, the more you'll discover that it can actually increase both the heat and intimacy of your sexual interactions. Practice makes perfect!
2) You're not used to it because you've been sold a bill of goods. Many of us got raised with the mythology that women aren't supposed to have sexual desires, and if we do, we certainly aren't supposed to TALK about them. On the converse, men are supposed to be such awesome lovers that they psychically know what their partner wants without ever having to ask, just by the sheer power of the testosterone coursing through their veins. It's bunk, all of it, and it's a trap that keeps us isolated and alienated from our own, authentic sexuality. It's also SILLY. Of course women have desires. Of course men aren't psychic. Of course all of us -- at least the good lovers among us -- want to know more about how to please our partners. How could talking about sex not help us do that, and help our partners please us, too?
3) Even if it feels awkward, it's a heck of a lot better than accidentally violating someone's boundaries because you didn't make sure you have enthusiastic consent. Would you rather feel a little awkward, or would you rather risk really damaging your sexual partner?
Hope this helps! -
-
The most important thing for me is perspective and approach, not experience. It gets tricky comparing oppressions. Instead, what I look for is someone who understands how oppression operates, or is at least open to learning about it and learning how we can all take place in undoing/counteracting it. Attitude and action are key. After all, some folks who are oppressed learn from their experience how to become oppressors, and some incredibly privileged folks are powerful forces for social justice.
-
I love YNM charts -- they're so helpful in fostering conversation when you're getting to know a new sex partner. Plus sometimes, they give a girl good ideas!
-
This is a hard question for to answer, as I don't really intend to have children at all. So it's pretty hypothetical. I definitely wouldn't prefer to raise a child with a partner who's not there, though I know that people who find themselves in that arrangement do find ways to make it work. I think I'd probably like a co-parent who shares primary responsibility for the child with me, and I'd want that person to be my partner, and to share most of my values about child-rearing. I wouldn't mind living in a house with other adults and children and helping out with each others' childcare, etc., but I think I'd want the child to know who hir parents are and ultimately have the two of us be responsible for her well-being.
-
Wow. You're the laziest troll ever. You can find the answer to that question pretty much everywhere. If you don't mind me asking a question in return: why do you care?
-
What a great question - did you know I have the word "brave" tattooed on my arm?
I did it as a way of committing to always do the most right and honest thing in any situation, as best as I can figure out. To be true to myself, even when it would be much easier to do something wrong and false. -
Well, I'm not a medical professional by any stretch, so I can't weigh in on the physical or hormonal risks/benefits to having or not having uterus. But I think a woman is a woman regardless of what body parts she has. Is a trans woman not a woman? What about a woman born without a uterus? Who gets to decide what's a "real" woman? The gender police?
I reject any model that suggests our gender is tied to either our reproductive capabilities or our specific body parts. Don't ask me to define what gender *is* - I leave that to folks far smarter than I. But I am certain, at least, that gender is more than the sum of any set of parts. It's a gestalt - always greater than/beyond its components. In my book, a woman (of any age) without a uterus is a woman. Who happens not to have a uterus. Just like some other women may not have tonsils, or appendixes, or breasts. -
The last book I read that I really loved was Sherman Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian. One of my favorite books of poetry is Mary Oliver's House of Light (though in a totally different poetic direction, I also adore Anne Carson's The Beauty of the Husband). Graphic novels: Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, and Fun Home, by Alison Bechdel. Fiction: Monique Truong's The Book of Salt, and Nancy Huston's The Mark of the Angel. Oh, and Their Eyes Were Watching God, by Zora Neale Hurston. Also, for slyly political fun, Mark Dunn's Ella Minnow Pea. Nonfiction: Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma. Kate Harding & Marianne Kirby's Lessons From the Fat-O-Sphere. Escapism/fantasy: Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings. Most favoritest book of my whole childhood: A Wrinkle In Time, by Madeline L'Engle. I could do this for a long time, but I think I'll stop there for now...
-
Gosh, I think that's a really personal call. For some people, attraction and affection are completely intertwined to the point where they can't be separated, and for others they have little to do with each other. The important thing is not to make assumptions or judgments about how things are or *should* be, for yourself or anyone else.
For me? They're related but not the same. Loving someone in a particular, intense way can make me want to fuck them, even if I wouldn't have otherwise been attracted to them or picked them out as a lust-object. And I find it difficult to sleep with people I don't have some basic respect or fondness for - or at least feel that the potential to develop that fondness exists. There has to be some spark of connection. Truly anonymous or emotion-free sex doesn't appeal to me. And, at the risk of sounding like a cliche, good sex will definitely increase my fondness for and connectedness to someone. How much of that is nature and how much is nurture? Who knows. But it works for me. -
It's called What You Really Really Want, and it's about how women (and everyone, really) can navigate all the twisted messages and misinformation we learn about sexuality and find unique, healthy sexual identities that actually make us happy. It's a workbook - super interactive.
-
Jaclyn Friedman’s Bio
Boston, MA
Writer, WAM!mer, loudmouth, feminist evangelist, unabashed hussy, editor of Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape
