Ask me anything
lol you didn't even read the second part!! just like that. its not a possibility that he doesn't want to just be a better, giving (financially)partner for the long run...? I shouldn't just be supportive and give him his space..?
"spoke to soon .. didn't understand the last part you said -- break up with him? & don't sit wait and hope ... move on completely? .. thank you."
i did and responded. the second part didn't come thru at the same time and there was no note that it was a Part 1 or Part 2. he may want to be those things, but he wouldn't need to ask for space in order to achieve them.
either you're in a relationship, or you're not. space is the wild west of grey areas. you sit on standby while he "figures it out". you're hoping and wishing. and he's making the decisions. horrible position.
but you're CLEARLY not ready for this to be over, so I suggested you DO NOTHING. just sit, wait and hope for the best. but when whatever happens, happens, observe how this plays out, and learn the lesson so you don't repeat it.
1. had been dating guy a couple months, had a miscomm. Said he didn't want a rship anytime soon(I nvr bright it up)- we came to a agreement things were well- ask him if we're still on 4 vday (live 1.5hr away at coll.) he says I can still come, want be
"2. Hurt if I don't, said he was thinking of taking his mom & little bro out instead. I said 'so no valentines then &ok'. The only reason I was coming 2 him was bc he can't take off- new job 90 day probation. Feelings are hurt.. WWBD? Let him chase me?"
find someone who has some interest in you. holidays make it real clear who does and who doesn't. he's made it real clear that he doesn't.
he already told you in so many words "i'm not interested, but he'll take the sex if you're giving it away." so yes, stay home. and he won't be chasing you, maybe out of ego but not out of interest.
Random question: patti stranger always says mono. Before sex. Do you believe that..? Sounds good ideally but realistically?
Yes. Agree with the idea, and also that it is hard, especially when you're attracted to the person. But I'm unclear on why its unrealistic.
I wrote in a few days ago about my BF disappearing on his BDAY. He's now apologizing profusely and says it was very selfish of him and he wants to work it out. I want to give it a shot but I don't know where to start. Any advice?
you know the answer to this. you want me to confirm it?
he's standing beneath the exit sign, likely because there is someone he is more interested in on the other side of the door. his bday was likely spent with her, or at best, she knew he wasn't with you. a sign to her that he is serious about leaving.
maybe he wants to work it out because the new chick isn't what he thought and he doesn't want to be caught out there single. something happened with her to give him a change of heart... maybe. i hear him talking, but what is he DOING to let you know that he wants to make this work, besides apologizing. he's talking. that's not action.
not spending major holidays, including bdays with your significant other is a bright red sign that he doesn't want to be there. he's done creating memories.
Dating w 2 potentials, FINALLY over my ex & he is not even a factor! & realized my worth. I'm happy & in a good place. Had a small setbck w/ a guy tht wastd my time& playd games. Saw red flags deleted him. You have been a HUGE PART in this process THANKS!
Woo-hoo! Love that you are putting yourself first and making smart decisions about what is best for you.
Why is it always the females who are heartbroken & disappointed opposed to the men?
guys do get heartbroken and disappointed. you ever listen to a kanye, dream, or jay album? or like any alt music or old r&b?
its less socially acceptable for the average guy to talk about, but uh, yah, they get hurt. they're human.
my bf and i are from a very small town like less than 5k ppl. we have now moved to a major city and the women here are beautiful, worldly and very accomplished. how do i stay secure that my bfs will still want me now that there is plenty more competion.
more doesn't mean better. it means more. first thing, stop with the insecurity. nothing will drive off a partner faster. whatever you did to get this far with your BF, continue. obviously he likes you, so keep BEING YOU.
and you're projecting that these women are better than you. if you moved to a major city, most of those people came from other towns and were just like you when you arrived. so if you like what your eyes have been opened to, don't fear it, become the best of it.
if he's the cheating type, he could be that in a town of 5k or 5 million. if there's another woman nearby, there's always an option.
also, if it's any consolation, if BOTH of you just arrived from a small town, he's probably thinking the same thing about you. don't put anyone on a pedestal, ok? you looking up at them means they look down at you.
Why does it seem like men can move on faster after a relationship without closure? don't men need closure from a relationship as well?
Men tend to read closure better than women. She's not doing what she used to= its over= closure. The "let's talk about it so I really know it's over" is usually a thinly veiled, "I still miss you and I want you back."
Men don't really move on faster, they just don't express loss the same way women do. Drinking, smoking, clubbing, sexing a bunch of different women are all distractions from what they don't want to deal with. (That's not indicative of those who do it now and again, but some people make lifestyles out of it.)
Re: childhood ?: & today I feel like we hvnt talked but I dnt wnt him to think Im tripping or being clingy. Tld me he was in a study group&would txt aftr tht was 4 hrs ago..Tld me last nite things wouldn't change. Am i Tripping!? Dnt wanna scare him off
You are tripping and being clingy if you're counting the hours from which you talked. For whatever reason, you're insecure about how he feels about you. And you're grasping at stuff to interpret them as signs of what he feels, or doesn't.
If he's sending mixed signals, he's not all that interested.
If he said things wouldn't change, and they've changed, believe what you see, not what you hear.
Pt1. Had been talking to this guy on& off for 2 years, we reconnected and came to see him for the weekend friends live in the same city, hung out fri& ended up doing him, sat I spent w friends & stayd w hm that nite no sex, left Sunday am ..
"Pt2: that when I askd him the childhood question..& he said it's pretty personal .. I'm confused is it something really that personal & he's not ready to share or was that a snub..? WWBD?"
can't call it really. could be either or, or both. but bottomline it: he's not comfy enough with you to share, either way.
Does a man respect the woman with standards (not settling for fwb) even if he doesn't budge on what he wants. Does what they are missing dawn on them one day?
yes. they do respect it. they may not want to be bothered with it, now or ever.
sometimes it dawns on them. (often it does.) sometimes it doesn't. you really can't call it.
keep your standards. instead of trying to convince someone you're worthy. spend your efforts finding someone who sees your bar and is willing to meet it. who are you without your standards? and whoever that less standards having woman is, do you want to be her?
B! you know ppl say like what are your 10 must haves or non-negotiables, are those things like artistic, over 6'0 ft, etc.. besides givens like job, educated, kind..? examples please!! & What are YOUR non-neg. or a few of them? im tryna make my own list.
sense of humor/ laughs at my jokes
everything else, besides you know, henious stuff, i can pretty much deal with. i have preferences, but nothing else that will make me say "no way. just can't" without giving it a shot.
Belle! 21, just transferred to a new school to pursue a Communication Disorders, want my professor to be my mentor, how do I go about this? & also how did u work, live, have social outings & make time to plan & write your book? I also want to write a draf
so ask. but wait till the end of the semester. you can ask questions for guidance here and there, but if you want her to be official wait. and try not to use the word mentor when you ask. it's daunting.
you make time for what's important to you. but honestly, i did have to fall back on my social life to write. didn't become non-existent. but i wasn't out all the time either.
21/19: I haven't requested to b taken out yet but he did say he wanted to hang out & to let me knw my schedule or whatever.. So when brings it up ..that's the Time to bring it up. How do I become queen is this for a relationship? Or courting stages also?
tell him you don't hang out at the house as that is not a date. you prefer to go OUT, doesn't have to be pricey. but you don't sit up in the house. when he brings it up, that's the time for you to speak up about what you want.
you be a queen by being active and vocal about what you want and what is best for you. you don't have to go along with the program if you don't like the program.
you make decisions. you are not a passive participant in life. it's your life. take some action to get what you want out of it. and that applies to all aspects of life, not just relationships.
Re: 21/19 ... Teach me this Queen business. What page of my belle book do I need to refer? & I've heard u mention Carrie plays princess not queen .. Explain! & ok so I want to be courted he wants to hang at the house - which I dnt wanna do sets up for adv
princess/queens is not in the book.
princesses get taken care of, but they get told what to do. queens make decisions. they're also the most important piece on a chess board. BB2.
if you want to be courted and he won't do it, find someone who will. if you've expressed what you want and he is not willing, then he is not the right person for you. you are not being demanding or high maintenance to expect to be taken OUT and actually dated.
D! Roommate hinted that me and her friend should get to know each other. He's 19 going on 20 .. I'm 21 (big diff in age for guys at this stage- maturity wise). He's nice mild mannered but I don't really know if he's what I'm looking for .. He's young & do
it's honestly not that big, swear it. the biggest issue is all the places you can go that he can't. that gets old really quick.
if he's cool, get out of your own way and give him a shot. you don't have to marry him because you went on a date with him. if it's not fun, don't see him again. if it is, see him.
curious, what are you looking for? do you know?
I'm from the South, & I know NY us crazy expensive, how were you able to afford living on your own in BK when u first arrived? The job you accepted... Did the sponsor your move? & I want to write for a mag? Freelancing the best way to get experience? & do
the job paid next to nothing and sponsored nothing.
you need to write before you try to freelance. that's not a test run. get a blog and start with smaller publications who will give new writers a shot.
Re: 21/19: I know I want someone that can bring something to the table, teach me things, court me, like me. Someone smart, educated (he's In school), someone like a companion, we can have fun .. & yes the going to bars & he can't go does get old fast.. WW
a younger dude can do all those things. he's not 5 years younger, he's 2. he's getting an education. at 20, aren't you in the same boat?
the only valid argument you can make is he can't hit bars/clubs and at 21 that tends to be hugely important. if you want to write him off for that, so be it. but everything else you're assuming without getting to know him.
everyone brings something to the table and everyone has something to teach. you should want to do some teaching too. princess life gets old, the goal is to be a queen.