"spoke to soon .. didn't understand the last part you said -- break up with him? & don't sit wait and hope ... move on completely? .. thank you."

i did and responded. the second part didn't come thru at the same time and there was no note that it was a Part 1 or Part 2. he may want to be those things, but he wouldn't need to ask for space in order to achieve them.

either you're in a relationship, or you're not. space is the wild west of grey areas. you sit on standby while he "figures it out". you're hoping and wishing. and he's making the decisions. horrible position.

but you're CLEARLY not ready for this to be over, so I suggested you DO NOTHING. just sit, wait and hope for the best. but when whatever happens, happens, observe how this plays out, and learn the lesson so you don't repeat it.

"2. Hurt if I don't, said he was thinking of taking his mom & little bro out instead. I said 'so no valentines then &ok'. The only reason I was coming 2 him was bc he can't take off- new job 90 day probation. Feelings are hurt.. WWBD? Let him chase me?"

find someone who has some interest in you. holidays make it real clear who does and who doesn't. he's made it real clear that he doesn't.

he already told you in so many words "i'm not interested, but he'll take the sex if you're giving it away." so yes, stay home. and he won't be chasing you, maybe out of ego but not out of interest.

Yes. Definitely. live a little so you're not 30 married forever with kids and wondering what if about all the stuff you missed.

Yes. Agree with the idea, and also that it is hard, especially when you're attracted to the person. But I'm unclear on why its unrealistic.

you know the answer to this. you want me to confirm it?

he's standing beneath the exit sign, likely because there is someone he is more interested in on the other side of the door. his bday was likely spent with her, or at best, she knew he wasn't with you. a sign to her that he is serious about leaving.

maybe he wants to work it out because the new chick isn't what he thought and he doesn't want to be caught out there single. something happened with her to give him a change of heart... maybe. i hear him talking, but what is he DOING to let you know that he wants to make this work, besides apologizing. he's talking. that's not action.

not spending major holidays, including bdays with your significant other is a bright red sign that he doesn't want to be there. he's done creating memories.

Woo-hoo! Love that you are putting yourself first and making smart decisions about what is best for you.

guys do get heartbroken and disappointed. you ever listen to a kanye, dream, or jay album? or like any alt music or old r&b?

its less socially acceptable for the average guy to talk about, but uh, yah, they get hurt. they're human.

more doesn't mean better. it means more. first thing, stop with the insecurity. nothing will drive off a partner faster. whatever you did to get this far with your BF, continue. obviously he likes you, so keep BEING YOU.

and you're projecting that these women are better than you. if you moved to a major city, most of those people came from other towns and were just like you when you arrived. so if you like what your eyes have been opened to, don't fear it, become the best of it.

if he's the cheating type, he could be that in a town of 5k or 5 million. if there's another woman nearby, there's always an option.

also, if it's any consolation, if BOTH of you just arrived from a small town, he's probably thinking the same thing about you. don't put anyone on a pedestal, ok? you looking up at them means they look down at you.

Men tend to read closure better than women. She's not doing what she used to= its over= closure. The "let's talk about it so I really know it's over" is usually a thinly veiled, "I still miss you and I want you back."

Men don't really move on faster, they just don't express loss the same way women do. Drinking, smoking, clubbing, sexing a bunch of different women are all distractions from what they don't want to deal with. (That's not indicative of those who do it now and again, but some people make lifestyles out of it.)

You are tripping and being clingy if you're counting the hours from which you talked. For whatever reason, you're insecure about how he feels about you. And you're grasping at stuff to interpret them as signs of what he feels, or doesn't.

If he's sending mixed signals, he's not all that interested.

If he said things wouldn't change, and they've changed, believe what you see, not what you hear.

"Pt2: that when I askd him the childhood question..& he said it's pretty personal .. I'm confused is it something really that personal & he's not ready to share or was that a snub..? WWBD?"

can't call it really. could be either or, or both. but bottomline it: he's not comfy enough with you to share, either way.

yes. they do respect it. they may not want to be bothered with it, now or ever.

sometimes it dawns on them. (often it does.) sometimes it doesn't. you really can't call it.

keep your standards. instead of trying to convince someone you're worthy. spend your efforts finding someone who sees your bar and is willing to meet it. who are you without your standards? and whoever that less standards having woman is, do you want to be her?

protective
sense of humor/ laughs at my jokes
supportive
good conversation
reliable
self-sufficient

everything else, besides you know, henious stuff, i can pretty much deal with. i have preferences, but nothing else that will make me say "no way. just can't" without giving it a shot.

so ask. but wait till the end of the semester. you can ask questions for guidance here and there, but if you want her to be official wait. and try not to use the word mentor when you ask. it's daunting.

you make time for what's important to you. but honestly, i did have to fall back on my social life to write. didn't become non-existent. but i wasn't out all the time either.

tell him you don't hang out at the house as that is not a date. you prefer to go OUT, doesn't have to be pricey. but you don't sit up in the house. when he brings it up, that's the time for you to speak up about what you want.

you be a queen by being active and vocal about what you want and what is best for you. you don't have to go along with the program if you don't like the program.

you make decisions. you are not a passive participant in life. it's your life. take some action to get what you want out of it. and that applies to all aspects of life, not just relationships.

princess/queens is not in the book.

princesses get taken care of, but they get told what to do. queens make decisions. they're also the most important piece on a chess board. BB2.

if you want to be courted and he won't do it, find someone who will. if you've expressed what you want and he is not willing, then he is not the right person for you. you are not being demanding or high maintenance to expect to be taken OUT and actually dated.

it's honestly not that big, swear it. the biggest issue is all the places you can go that he can't. that gets old really quick.

if he's cool, get out of your own way and give him a shot. you don't have to marry him because you went on a date with him. if it's not fun, don't see him again. if it is, see him.

curious, what are you looking for? do you know?

http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/blog/2009/11/30/empire-state-of-mind-part-i.html?currentPage=2

the job paid next to nothing and sponsored nothing.

you need to write before you try to freelance. that's not a test run. get a blog and start with smaller publications who will give new writers a shot.

a younger dude can do all those things. he's not 5 years younger, he's 2. he's getting an education. at 20, aren't you in the same boat?

the only valid argument you can make is he can't hit bars/clubs and at 21 that tends to be hugely important. if you want to write him off for that, so be it. but everything else you're assuming without getting to know him.

everyone brings something to the table and everyone has something to teach. you should want to do some teaching too. princess life gets old, the goal is to be a queen.

i don't need to be all up in every aspect of his life. i need my space, he needs his. 24-7 all access burns you out.