I didn't often think of my own death (or the possibility of it) because for all humans death is a certainty. I accepted long ago that I'm mortal and I can never escape it, but being the optimistic realist that I am I hoped/hope to live for a very long time. This isn't to say that death didn't hurt me - it damaged me permanently emotionally, but not out of fear of my own life's end, but because I watched so many pass away that I couldn't help. Clinically I probably have "survivor's guilt" or something similar and depression and anxiety have been the end-result of years living on the edge of life and death while watching others succumb to the battle. The reality of kidney failure and dialysis was that I was always 5 days away from death, but I chose (and continue to choose) to think more about life and *living* instead of waste moments on the infinite "what if's". I'm a fighter.

...and thank you for the compliment :)