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The more Korean you know, the easier your life will become and the more Koreans you'll meet -- but it's definitely pretty easy to get by without knowing any Korean and even easier to get by knowing just a *little* bit of Korean. Of course, I say this as someone living in Seoul. Your mileage may vary if you're in a rural area.
And I can't promise for certain that you'll hook up with guys here, but I can say that every gay American guy I've known in Seoul has done very, very well in terms of casual or FWB situations. One guy I knew has been in several serious relationships as well. If it's just one-night stands or hook-ups you're looking for, there's tons of smart phone apps and there are also a few jimjilbangs that are notorious for being areas where gay men go to just hook up with one another. (But my one American friend said that at the one with the hottest guys, none were interested in involving him, though they were into him watching.)
Being out of the closet is where it gets tricky, however. My friend has never been in a serious relationship with a guy who's been completely out of the closet. His boyfriends have all been out with at least some of their friends, and one was out with his siblings. But none have been out with their parents. He's always been introduced as a friend. If it's public affection you're worried about, there are certain things that can be totally passed off as just friendly, so even if a guy is closeted, he'll still be at least holding your hand or leaning on you, especially if alcohol is involved. And at Homo Hill or Jongro, things are waaaaaay more relaxed in terms of PDA.
I'm pretty sure this is also you, so I'll add it here:
"The Oppa factor lol. Do guys like it if other guys call them Oppa if they are dating?"
My friend always dated down in age, haha, so I can't answer for sure. I'm going to tentatively say yes, though.
Anyone else have anything to add or corrections to make? -
I have a varied European heritage -- mostly German, French, Scottish, and Polish, according to my mom -- with a miniscule amount of Native American, but I am very, very much just American and white, haha. The last person born outside of America on either side of my family was my grandmother's great grandmother on my mother's side. On my father's side, I'm the seventh generation born within the same *state*.
I will say that when I've traveled to France and Spain, I've regularly been confused with being a local. People often go out of their way to ask me for questions and directions in both countries, especially in Spain. A woman actually joined me at my table at a cafe in Madrid and tried to have a conversation, and she was shocked when I told her I don't speak Spanish. When I told her I was American, she asked if I was Puerto Rican. I told her the state I was from, and she told me that I really looked Spanish, especially my eyes.
Personally, I don't see it. When I look in the mirror, I just see white American. Other people must see things I don't, because I've also had friends' parents ask me about it as well. -
No way, haha. He haaaaaates Kpop with a passion. As far as I know, he only watches American TV shows (except for baseball) and mostly English language films. I know he likes a few singles from the girl groups, but even then, most of the time he'll just say how stupid the lyrics are. He also claims he doesn't find any of the girl groups pretty. I've asked him in the past and he's said he doesn't find any of the women in SNSD attractive and that "there are NO pretty girls in 2NE1."
The only Korean music he really listens to is older stuff and I've seen a few Epik High albums on his iTunes. -
I'll take what I can get.
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Ha, no, mine have always been sloooooooooooooow. It took Bacon three months to admit he liked me -- and this was AFTER my friend had told him I liked him. I'm also the only girl I know who HASN'T gotten the immediate, "Will you be my girlfriend?" or, "I love you!"
I must just be crap.
I have seen some FAST relationships in Korea, especially with my friend and his boyfriends. His former boyfriend said he loved him right off the bat, and his current boyfriend moved in with him in less than a month, so... I've seen it happen.
In regards to you boyfriend, is he nearing 30? Haha. At 30, that's when families start breathing down their children's necks about marriage marriage marriage marriage marriage, marriage and babies, when. -
Haha, thanks for the compliment. As for the question...
I don't think I can make a sweeping comment that Korean men in the USA or Korea are better. It all depends on the individual guy. In my past, I've found that I've gotten more involved with Korean men who've spent time abroad. Eager lived in the US for a few months and had traveled Europe fairly well. Bacon spent three years in the US and Canada.
I wouldn't say that makes them "better," and I would certainly never brush aside a man because he hadn't spent time abroad. It's just that in general, it's easier for us to relate to one another if he has. We both know what it's like to live in outside cultures. He'd probably be far more relaxed if I messed up some Korean etiquette or made a cultural faux pas or whatnot. His English would probably be better. And we would probably both share a passion for traveling.
But again, those are all sweeping generalizations. Of course there are Koreans who've never left Korea and are completely aware and openminded to our differences (and similarities). There are certainly Koreans who speak wonderful English and who've never been abroad. And on the flipside, there are Koreans living abroad who don't speak English well or at all and who might be kind of bigoted.
I am the worst at answering these questions because I'm always like, "IDK, it depends on the guy!" Because it's the truth, haha. I wish I could tell you guys, "Well, ALL Korean men blahblahblah," or, "You KNOW a guy's going to be trouble if he ever bipbipbip," or, "A Korean man who has yadda yadda yadda will be the best." God knows it'd be easier if there were rules to these sorts of things, but there aren't -- at least not beyond the glaringly obvious ones. (If a man physically or verbally abuses you, obvs he is REALLY BAD NEWS, regardless of his race, nationality, first language, culture, age, whatever. There's never an excuse for that shit.) Imagine if you'd asked me who's better, an American who's always stayed in America or an American who's traveled abroad. What could I say? "An American who's traveled abroad because they're more culturally aware and worldly"? Trust me. I've met some ignant folk in my time abroad and some of my best friends back at home, who are intelligent and aware of the outside world, have never been abroad.
There are good people and bad people, and while our life experiences and culture and ethnicity and gender et al. shape us and who we are, there ultimately isn't any one deciding factor as to what makes a person good or bad.
And why do you want to meet specifically Korean men? Haha. Be more concerned with meeting a *good* man, not necessarily a *Korean* man. -
No he does not -- but I'm thinking of telling him.
The stress of having a secret is getting to me. A weekend or so back, we were marathoning "Breaking Bad." I wanted to take a shower between episodes, so I put my password-protected computer to sleep. He asked me to put my password back in so he could use my computer and I told him that I wouldn't. He raised an eyebrow and said that there was something on there that I didn't want him to see, that I had a secret like Walt. I brushed it off as a joke and said that yeah, I'm selling meth to support my family. But it made me feel bad.
I thought about it in the shower that day, and I came to the conclusion that I'm going to tell him. I worked out what I wanted to say -- that I have an anonymous blog, that I sometimes write about him but started it ages before I knew him, that I don't want him to read it, and that I'd take it into consideration if he asked me to stop writing about him -- but by the time I got out of the shower, the moment had passed.
He knows I have *a* blog and that he will never read it. I spilled that much one time. I can't remember whether or not I told him it was anonymous. But I'm starting to feel like an a-hole for keeping such a big secret from him and for telling him he can't use my computer when he sometimes leaves his at my apartment.
Some people know they're getting serious when they start dreaming of marriage and babies. Others know they're getting serious when they start feeling guilty for keeping an anonymous dating/sex blog. Life choices. -
asked by tomrockett
I get this question allllllllllllllllllll the time. I should set up a link somewhere, haha.
Bacon is named as such because the first night we met, he had eaten 20 pieces of bacon for dinner. He used to eat bacon sandwiches for breakfast every day. He ate a bacon double cheeseburger at Burger King that night. In short, he loves bacon and eats a ridiculous amount of it. -
Oh man, I am not a romantic person at alllllllllllll and my 100 Days was kind of a fail, ahaha. With that in mind...
Typically the 100 Days mark is where you can get couple rings. Some are fairly expensive (R and her boyfriend paid 150,000 apiece), some are moderately priced (50,000-100,000), and some are cheapies (Sidney, coffeejusayo, paid 10,000 apiece). Cheap is the route I plan on taking with Bacon, haha. Price tag doesn't matter to me, really. Other than that, you can give each other whatever. I got Bacon a card. He gave me... nothing, haha. (He made up for it with White Day, which I still have yet to write about, urgh. I am a fail blogger.)
I don't think there's any standard 100 Days gift aside from the ring. But I could be wrong. As far as I know, there is no set in stone thing that you MUST do at your 100 Days or that would be expected as a gift. One of my friends said she heard somewhere that you're supposed to give a gift that will last forever -- so no flowers or chocolate, haha. But again, could be completely wrong about that. If anyone has a better answer, please let me know.
From what I can tell, some people go all out romantic, and if that's your style, cool. Me? I'd just give him something he'll like or something that means a lot to him -- or both. Practical and sentimental. Two weeks back, Bacon started a new job, and I surprised him with a box of stuff that was practical and sentimental: a new tie (practical), a toothbrush holder for my place (practical and sentimental), ugly cheap underwear to leave at mine (practical as he sometimes forgets to bring a clean pair, urgh), and one of those little blank vocab card books (practical because he has to study some new things for his job; sentimental because he has to study English for some grad school tests and I wanted to reinforce the idea that him taking a new job does not mean he's giving up his dream of going to grad school).
I hope this helps, but I have a feeling it won't, haha. Too vague. Sorry! Good luck! -
Since I am getting it on the regular, I am posting (and looking at) less pictures of Kpop stars. Pictures have to REALLY strike my fancy for me to go, "Hnnng," and post them.
In the meantime, there are about a billionty Fuck Yeah _____ Tumblrs out there that will satisfy your needs.
Also. You guys. I am the most contrary person in the world. Whenever people ask me to do things, my gut reaction is a loud and resounding NO. So this is just counterproductive. -
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It was different for both of my jobs.
With public schools, you should only use one recruiter and submit your application ONE time. I used Work N Play, and they were great.
With hagwons, you should use as many recruiters as possible. I signed up with specific recruiters, but I mostly just scanned job postings every day and applied for every single one I was interested in. Recruiters don't matter too much with hagwons, so long as you can tell they're legit recruiters and jobs. Some will lie about job openings. Some will lie about certain details of the job or apartment. Best thing to do is to ALWAYS talk to the current or former teacher IN YOUR POSITION. Insist upon it. This will weed out shady jobs and recruiters immediately. In the end, I got a great job but had a really shitty recruiter. He messed up everything he possibly could, and he was always really, really late replying to my e-mails. But the job is great, haha, so... didn't matter.
Recruiters matter less than most of us think they do. Just apply for whatever jobs appeal to you. But again, only apply with ONE recruiter ONE time for public schools. -
I love this question, haha. I've been thinking about it since I got it.
For Taec, no way, he is not high enough on my bias list. Kyuhyun... I think if I were to ask Bacon for his blessing, he'd probably give it to me. After all, way back when, he didn't care if I slept with other guys, he just wanted to be with me. Of course things have changed since then, we're in a relationship now, our feelings for each other have progressed, yada yada yada. While I don't think he'd be 100% for it, I think that if I were to ask, he'd say that would be okay. He's not the jealous type, and anyway, Kyuhyun would be on my celebrity list, haha. I'm not saying he'd fully support it, but I think he'd be okay with it.
However, I don't think I would do it. I'd feel far too guilty, even with his blessing. And I'd feel incredibly selfish. Because if Bacon were to ask me if he could sleep with another woman, celebrity or otherwise, noooooo way. I AM the jealous type, haha. So it wouldn't be fair, and I'd feel too horrible about that.
Besides, I don't know if I'd WANT to sleep with a celebrity crush. Of course I fantasize about it, and I've known two people for whom that's turned out QUITE well. (One slept with a very famous author, one slept with a rockstar. Not telling either.) But I don't know. What if Kyuhyun had a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally small penis or he wanted to pee on me or he was awful at sexing or he made funny noises or he was a total a-hole or he said weird things or he had a third nipple or his junk smelled bad or he had ugly balls? It has the potential to be phenomenally disappointing, and then what. My illusions would be shattered! My life would be meaningless! I'd rather keep celebrity fantasies as just that and enjoy sex with normal people.
But I mean... if I were single, I'd take those chances, haha. -
Haha, no way. I can think of places WAY worse than FF.
S Club.
Papa Gorilla.
Helios.
UN Club.
Need I go on? -
I think the dating and social life in Korea -- or anywhere, really -- is what you make of it. I've known attractive women who've ended up celibate for the year, I've known friendly people who became recluses, I've known shy people who've broken out of their shells, I've known serial monogamists who turned into one-night stand enthusiasts, I've known perpetually single women who've found The One... I can't tell you exactly what your time in Korea will bring you. I've known gyopo men who've fared quite well, and I've known gyopo men who haven't. I've known gyopos who've had a rough time in general and some who've had great experiences all around. It all depends on you and your life and luck in Korea.
All I can say for sure is that you've definitely got height on your side and a leg up with being able to start conversations with your choice of women, be they English or Korean speakers, haha. Go for it! Come to Korea and make the most of it. -
Hmmm, hagwon versus public... I prefer the smaller class sizes, better pay, lack of co-teacher, and later hours of hagwons. But I miss the vacation time and random class cancellations of public school. And at least in a public school, you can brush off the fact that kids don't know your name since you don't know their names. It still really bums me out when my hagwon kids ask me what my name is, even though I've been teaching them since July. (They don't know anyone's names, actually, so it makes me feel a bit better. But still.) It all depends on getting a good hagwon. For me, my hagwon job is way better than my public school job because my job last year suuuuuuuucked. A lot.
I like Ilsan a lot! There's pretty good Western food choices (Uno, the usual pizza and fast food chains, a Friday's, Outback, an AMAZING Indian restaurant, a delicious Belgian restaurant, and an all right Mexican place, off the top of my head). Line 3 sucks, it's true, but the buses are great. In excellent traffic, it takes me about 20 minutes to get to Hongdae, 40 to get to Myeongdong, 60 to Itaewon, and 90 to Gangnam/COEX. A cab from Hongdae to Western Dom or La Festa area runs about 15,000. There's a Wii-bang really close to me. Tons of accessory shops, the usual cosmetics chains. Lots of cute little cafes. A fair amount of wine bars around. Everything's nice and new and clean. There's always dramas being filmed. Lake Park is nice to visit. There's some good bars near the La Festa area. I really like it.
Feel free to e-mail me with other questions. -
Hrm. Yes and no.
Of course there are times when I miss being single, but those times have been getting less and less. What I miss most are my weekends. Because Bacon works from 8am until 10pm or later, Friday night through Sunday night is the only time I get to spend with him, so it's been hard. If I go out on a Saturday night, then I only get to see him on Friday night, when we're both exhausted from the week -- and since I'm exhausted, I'm never super stoked to go Out out on a Friday night myself -- and don't do much, so it kind of sucks when that's our only time together. That's been the hardest part for me, honestly, because I want to spend time with him, but I want to go out and see my friends, but if I do that, I don't get to see him. It sometimes puts me in a really shitty position. If I go out, I'm letting Bacon down; if I stay in with Bacon, I'm letting my friends down. I feel guilty if I see Bacon and don't see my friends; I feel guilty if I see my friends and don't see Bacon. I try to work it out, but to be quite frank, I sometimes suck at this and fail at it, and this has stepped on some toes all around. It's the same for him as well. His band has all but disbanded (hur hur).
The good news is that in the near future, Bacon is quitting his awful job, which means I'll actually get to see him during the week, and hopefully everyone can be happy again, yayayayayayay. But we'll see, haha.
If it weren't for that issue, I don't think I'd miss being single at all. When I'm out at clubs, I'm never sad that I can't meet guys. I don't miss meeting new people. A part of me kind of hates dating, haha, so it's nice to be done with that. I still admire hot dudes, but I don't necessarily want to bed them. Or if I do, I don't feel any desire to act upon it to get them into my bed. I'm content with what and whom I have. I'm INTP, he's INTJ, and it's been said that that's a good coupling since neither person realizes they're in a relationship. I think that's fitting. I haven't quelled my desires or anything, I've just focused them all on one person. I don't feel at all stifled or trapped like I thought I would. I still feel independent. I still feel like me. I just have one guy who makes me happy instead of none or several who make me all right.
Also, I was single from April 2002 until November 2010, so, you know, I've had quite a bit of a single life. -
I still haven't come up with a good solution to this, haha.
I don't think I'm going to tell him. In the future, I *would* tell a future partner after some time, but with Bacon... I've been writing about him for over a year now. There's so much history there. It'd be weird to come out and say it *now*. Most people came down on the side of not telling him, and I'm leaning toward that side as well. Which is selfish and hypocritical. If I were being written about, I'd fucking damn well want to know, anonymous or not. But I don't feel bad for not telling him -- I'd just feel bad if he found out, haha. And that makes me realize that I *should* tell him and blah blah blah.
But it's haaaaaaaaard, you guys. :(
I'm happier just writing a little bit *less* about him and sticking to topics and things that I know I wouldn't mind if someone were writing about me. I don't feel like I'm censoring myself, I just am taking his potential feelings into more consideration, I guess.
It's only awkward when he wants to use my computer and I either take the reins or breathe down his neck. God knows what he must think, especially since he's also seen past Google searches like "how to have anal sex" and "how to get an abortion in Korea" accidentally pop up. And he's seen my screensaver of saved pictures to my hard drive, which is a beautiful slideshow of all things relevant to my interests, such as cute animals, hot men, hot porn, funny porn (think of googly eyes on cocks), XKCD comics, and bad Photoshops I make.
We really need to stop using my computer. -
Hahahahahaha. I don't see it. Sorry. :(
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I've been thinking about this question for the three months it's been sitting in my Formspring, haha. Sorry. Am shit with replies sometimes (read: always).
I'm not 100% sure on when I'll leave Korea yet, but I have thought about what'll happen to this blog when that time comes. I'm not sure what I'll do with it. On the one hand, I could continue it wherever my travels next take me and change the subject from dating Korean guys in Korea to dating ______-an guys in ______, most likely Australian guys in Australia. Or maybe I'll still be with Bacon and will still be blogging about dating a Korean guy in _______, most likely Australia.
On the other hand, I might abandon this blog and start a new one for my new location and let this one stand as A Korea Blog. I'd still occasionally post about Kpop -- I already know I'm going to have a hard time giving that up, haha -- and answer any Korea questions that came in, if that were the case.
Either way, I'll still be blogging. I've been internet blogging in various ways and sites (Livejournal 4eva.) ever since 2000. No way could I stop blogging just because I stopped getting Korean dickings. I'd just go back to having waaaaaaaaaaay fewer followers again, haha.
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