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Many gay couples opt for original and unique ideas which has led to the evolution of gay wedding traditions. Some couples will, of course, want the kinds of traditions they grew up with, but many more want to use gay wedding traditions, most of which are in the wedding ceremony itself. Gay weddings are redefining what a wedding can look like.
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Thanks for asking. This is a great question and I've observed that the answer depends on the age of the couple.
In my observation, many men will only wear one ring, not two. In this case, often the engagement ring will double as a wedding band.
Younger lesbian brides (those under 40) are likelier to wear two rings. For example, my wife Jen, like many lesbians, wears her engagement ring and wedding band next to each other on the same finger. This is very common, and of course, traditional. My engagement ring doesn't have a stone (my choice) so my engagement ring is now on the ring finger of my right hand, and my wedding band is on the ring finger of my left hand.
I've noticed that gay and lesbian couples who are older and/or who've been together for a long time, already wear rings and in this case, usually substitute those rings with new wedding bands, forgoing an engagement ring altogether. These couples are also less likely to have had a traditional "pop the question" proposal experience, hence the lack of engagement rings. -
Interesting question. It depends on the types of products. Regarding jewelry, gay-themed wedding guest books and invitations as examples, there is a market for those products. There will always be part of the gay population that likes products that are very overtly gay, with rainbows and/or references to other gay symbols. Those that produce and sell these products aren't being opportunist per se, because there is a(I believe dwindling) demand.
My clients are not that market and prefer to purchase products that they like because they like the design, not because the products are gay-themed. I've never had a couple purchase "gay wedding rings."
On the other hand, there is a legitimate *need* for some other gay-friendly or themed products such as wedding greeting cards and cake toppers - because the default is otherwise very hetero-centric. For example, at our wedding, we received the same few wedding cards over and over again - and it's because most of the others at CVS/Rite Aid/Duane Reade say husband and wife. -
I work on many small weddings, very often with fewer than 100 guests. I tell my clients who are planning with 50 or fewer guests to figure on spending $20-25K and those closer to 100 guests to spend $35-40K. The most expensive wedding I ever planned had 50 guests and cost nearly $100K.
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Very few of my weddings are of a religious nature or in churches/chapels. I've had 128 clients and maybe 15 church weddings. The main reason is that most churches don't perform gay marriages. The ones that do are United Church of Christ, Congregational, Unitarian Universalist, some Jewish synagogues and in Eastern Massachusetts, Episcopalian. It's pretty limiting.
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Thank you very much - I appreciate that. I am open to hearing from new vendors that have something special to offer. A unique perspective, talent, vision or something otherwise distinctive will get my attention right away. I am especially open to hearing from vendors in other parts of the country (outside of New England). Of course all vendors I work with must be gay-friendly and preferably gay-owned businesses. I have a special fondness for vendors who are authentic, flexible, totally up for anything (gung-ho!), laid back and slightly mischievous. I also really like vendors who follow the advice I provide on my www.gayweddinginstitute.com blog and who make a serious effort to be gender neutral and non-heterosexist.
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Sure. I'm very excited to plan weddings in the State Room and Boston Public Library for the first time this year. I'd also love to work in the Regattabar in the Charles Hotel which is one of my favorite spaces in the Boston area.
I've also never had the pleasure of completely transforming a dull ballroom or completely raw space for a client with a big design budget so I think that would be a fun challenge. I'd love to drape the heck out of a place like Cyclorama in Boston but don't typically work in places that need draping.
Beyond New England, I think I'd have fun working in Gotham Hall or the NY Public Library in NYC. Who wouldn't, right? -
Great question. Planning my own wedding was very stressful because over and over again I kept hearing, "wow, your wedding is going to be something else!" People's expectations were through the roof which added a lot of pressure and stress, though the planning itself was fairly easy. Jen and I are very often on the same page and make decisions easily together, which helps.
On my wedding day prior to the wedding, I was a nervous wreck, but not about the details, just about the permanence of the biggest day of my life!
At the wedding, I was pretty good about letting go of the details since we had someone I trusted in charge. My biggest concern during the event was the flow. I wanted to make sure we were fairly close to schedule, had plenty of time for dancing, that the toasts weren't too long, etc. During the wedding, my only worry was that we were running a little behind schedule. -
I did. The article that's referred to is about the lawsuit challenging Proposition 8 (a voter referendum which banned gay marriage in California). One of the lead attorneys challenging the ban is a noted conservative. You can read the article here: http://www.newsweek.com/id/229957
When individuals and families on both sides of the party line come together, the world is going to change. Marriage equality is this generation's major civil rights issue. -
Great question. My company used to be called It's About Time and was named that when gay marriage first became legal when it was *about* time.
14 is the number of individual plaintiffs in that case that first legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts (the first state in the US). It's also the number of the amendment to the US Constitution that ended the ban on interracial marriage and helped with integration in the 1960s.
The idea is this: 14 is an important number in the history of civil rights. These are stories that change the world. What's your story? -
Wow, thanks. Believe me, I don't always feel inspired and have my share of difficult days, but when I do, I try to do something, anything at all, really, just to get started.
I'm fueled by momentum and that leads to inspiration. Once I get started, it snowballs from there and I can be highly efficient. As Simon Bailey tweeted today: "A moment creates momentum and momentum creates monumental results. When you want to give up...just remember it's only a moment!"
Another thing that keeps me going is having something to look forward to. It could be something big or something little. It could be personal or work related, but it keeps me focused. And that reminds me of a favorite movie quote from the film A Family Thing: "Happiness is having something to look forward to." -
I don't get stressed very easily, certainly not with wedding planning. There's one little time when I get nervous and that's right before I send the couple down the aisle(s). It's one of the most important parts of the wedding day and I want it to be just perfect. It always is, of course, but I get the tiniest bit of nerves just then.
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No, I didn't know what I wanted to do for the longest time. I found myself volunteering in AmeriCorps, planning nonprofit events, working with teens, working at REI, delivering pizza... But I was always good at planning events and when gay marriage became legal here in Massachusetts, I saw the opportunity to work for myself and help couples plan amazing weddings. It was something I totally fell into but has been an amazing experience. I really feel like I have the coolest job.
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A tie: the AIDS anti-retroviral therapy which has extended the lives of millions. And the internet (thanks, Al Gore!)
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I love Irish music, reminds me of my late parents. I'd take a traditional Irish seisiuns live over just about anything else.
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Yes. I'm wrapping up a book for couples called Gay Wedding Confidential: Adventures and Advice from America's #1 Gay Wedding Expert. My next book (which I'll start in the next month or so) will be a primer on gay weddings for wedding industry professionals.
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Honestly, I've worked with so many gay couples who have been together 15, 20, 30 years that their proposal was more along the lines of, "So we should probably get married, huh?"
My current favorite is two ladies in their 50s who met only a few years ago and bonded, in part, over a shared love of bowling. The proposal happened after one of them sent her bowling ball down the lane and turned around to see her partner on bended knee, in front of all at the bowling alley! There are bowling balls on some of their wedding stationery! -
My career probably would have continued along the nonprofit path, and I'd probably be an Executive Director of a nonprofit somewhere.
But I'm quite sure that would have eventually led to burnout and I would end up owning a business. Some kind of consulting, training, teaching kind of thing, maybe nonprofit event planning or fundraising.
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Bernadette Coveney Smith’s Bio
Nations's first gay wedding planner, educator & expert. Owner of 14 Stories. I dream in logistics. I am grateful every day.
