-
-
Thanks for reaching out to me by asking such a complex question:) Interestingly, I recently wrote an article about this very issue...
As a psychologist, I believe that change (in any way) is possible. However, the individual has to first recognize a desire to change. That desire has to be fueled by a realization that something is wrong. Then...that person HAS to be willing to put in A TON of work (emotionally, behaviorally, and cognitively) in order to effect the change. This last part is what causes people to repeat a cycle of abuse. In other words, although an abuser may recognize that their behavior is wrong, they are not willing or capable of identifying and coping with the root cause for their abusive behaviors.
I recently spoke with a man who was able to make that change from abuser to loving husband and father. He is now an outspoken leader on this subject. His name is Yahanseh Nyghtstorm, and he was the inspiration for the article that I wrote. (http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2010/06/possibility-of-change.html)
I hope that I answered your question, but please don't hesitate to reach out again if you'd like:)
Blessings,
G -
Hello Writer! You have posed a million dollar question. Dealing with touchy issues with family can be difficult because of heightened emotions. I completely understand your feelings about your sister's children. My question to you is...have you ever mentioned your feelings to her before? As odd as it may sound, she may not know that her kids are out of control. Start by doing that, but (again) I stress that you should choose your words wisely. Everyone is going to be defensive when it comes to their child, so be delicate. I wouldn't ask her to stay in a hotel just yet. Next, take charge of your household during their visit. Step in when her kids begin to act out, and lay down the rules and the consequences. This should cue her about your expectations. If, that doesn't work...print out mapquest directions to the closest Marriot.:)
~G~ -
Hello Writer,
First of all, I want to tell you that I am proud of you for gathering the strength to tell your mother about what happened to you when you were younger! I can only imagine how much courage it took to do this. I am sad, however, to hear about your mother's reaction. Rest assured that her response is not unique, as many parents disbelieve their children when they tell of the sexual abuse they endured. Although you cannot control or dictate her reaction/ response, you can take control of how you embark on your journey of emotional healing. Research has shown that a parent’s negative reaction to the disclosure of sexual abuse can derail the healing process. That is why I want to encourage you to focus solely on YOU at this at this time. Find support groups in your area comprised of others who understand what you are going through. Moreover, find a therapist who specializes in issues related to sexual abuse to help you along the way. It’s really important that you surround yourself with a circle of people you are sensitive and supportive of your range of emotions. To answer your question…broach the discussion again with your mother when you feel strong enough to do so knowing that she may or may not be supportive, and when you begin to find it healing to speak openly about your abuse.
Sincerely,
G -
Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to me, and also for reading my Blog. This is a really complex question because there are so many layers to it. First, I would recommend that you begin by having a heart-to-heart with your daughter. Although not all kids her age are sexually active, most are exposed to significant peer pressure to engage in sexual acts. She may not feel comfortable talking with you. However, having an open line of communication is key. Of course, being unbiased is difficult. However, the better you are at this...the more your child will open up about what they are thinking, feeling...and doing. Once you know the truth, you can than make informed decisions. Naturally, the choice to have her take birth control is a personal one. In order to help you determine whether this is right for you: Make a pro and con list to determine whether you can or cannot live with the consequences of either decision.
Again, regardless of your decision, it is clear that the time is more than right to have clear and open conversations with your daughter about sex. Remember...a parent's intuition is very poignant! If you feel that there is cause for concern...there is most likely cause for concern.
Happy Parenting,
G -
Hello There! Sometimes toddlers are really finnicky about what they want to eat. Textures, colors and flavors all play a part in their likes and dislikes. Try not to make a big deal about meal time, but instead gently encourage them to sample everything on their plate. You might try having them "help" in meal preparation. Sometimes if they take "ownership" of the food they will be more likely to eat it. Puree it in other foods, or try to mask them in some way to get them to take in the nutrients. Nonethless...don't stress because he will be just fine:)
G
-
