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All responses Most smiled responses
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I'm not sure, but a safe first step would be to stop drawing comics.
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A nikko G-nib, Speedball india ink, smooth 400-series bristol, a hijacked old version of photoshop, a small crappy laptop, a small wacom tablet, and a lot of bad memories.
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That someone on the internet will figure out my greatest fear, find my home address, and then bring it to me while I sleep.
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Microns for some stuff, pen & ink (w/ a g-nib) for others, & sometimes just a pilot precise v-5 when i'm lazy. sometimes i color it with ph martin's watercolors & a brush, too.
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No. I'm not down with statists. Or state-sponsored pogroms. Or the Stasi. Or deadening, endless bureaucracy. Or iron-fisted centrism. Or Great Leaps Forward. Or fetishization of factory work. Or too much of the color red.
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hey, thanks man, i'm glad you want one. i would love to draw a dog for a change! although i could never draw one as perfectly and effortlessly as you are able to, just from memory. i know i've seen pictures of beluga all over the internet... maybe one of us could find one or a couple that would be cool to turn into a drawing?
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I would probably just reflexively fall to my knees in prostration, and beg forgiveness for ever even suggesting that anyone vote for me instead of him. I worship the jello he walks upon. Plus he's worked hard his whole life to pay dues and make a difference in the world, whereas I've just fucked off and doodled about stupid shit like herpes. No contest!
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Almost, once, in little-league football, when I was "dog-piled" by 15 or 20 Polynesian 5th-graders. But I managed to keep it together (although I think I cried a little, because I was still a girly sissy faggot queerboy who never, ever should have been the only white kid on a Hawaiian little-league football team). My sphincter was determined to not have me share the fate of certain other classmates, who probably still has not recovered from their "doodoo boy" status.
I did shit in the ocean once, though! -
The large check (well, "large" is highly relative, but for me anything is enormous) was for some illustrations I did for a Dartmouth computer-security campaign. They're probably the only client I've ever had that has actually paid me what I'm worth, so naturally, I assume they're involved with money laundering.
Illustration is a fun diversion from cartooning, but being told what (and what not) to draw makes it a lot harder, since it reminds me (and everyone else) that there are many, many things I cannot draw well.
Sadly, I don't really have a favorite art director because I hardly ever do real, actual, professional illustration work. I just don't know where to look, and people hardly ever tip me off or seek me out. Probably because I'm old and I smell bad, and don't have a snappy wad of gel in my hair to give me that up-and-at-'em big-city look. Jesus, I didn't even go to art school. In fact, this weekend at a comic convention I was outright amazed at the amount of my friends who were complaining about owing hundreds (or, in one case, thousands) of dollars in taxes because of all the money they made freelancing last year. It really sobered me up. Some of them owe more in taxes than I even MADE last year -- which of course means they're making at least three times that much money. Where does it all come from? Where does this gushing firehose of freelance cash spew? These are questions that I would like to answer someday. Especially now that people have stopped buying cat portraits! -
to appear dumber then i am
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If the question is "do _YOU_ have herpes," the answer is a little tricky. Yes, there are antibodies for type-I herpes in my blood, which I discovered from a blood test in 2004. Blood tests, even the most current and accurate ones, can only tell you which type of herpes you have -- type I or type II -- but they can't tell you where you have it. And you can potentially contract either type of herpes on any part of your body where there's nerve clusters -- your junk, your butt, your armpits, your eyes, your chest, your ears, etc... Anyway, to my knowledge I'd never gotten symptoms of herpes anywhere on my body, so I wasn't sure where I was contagious to others.
There's also a "swab test" for herpes, which you can only get if you have something that appears to be a herpes outbreak. Basically they stick a big q-tip in a sore and test the fluid for the presence of the herpes virus. A couple years ago I got what looked and felt like a small blister on my balls. Out of curiosity, I went to a Planned Parenthood to get it swab tested. Since at the time I also had a cold sore in my mouth, I took the opportunity to get both my mouth sore and my balls-sore tested, to see if either of them were herpes.
Both tests came back negative for the presence of herpes.
It turns out that all the cold sores I was getting in my mouth -- the ones I describe so much in my book _Monsters_ -- were actually just canker sores, which, while annoying, aren't herpes, nor contagious.
I've read that until recently (a couple years ago), blood tests for herpes antibodies were fallible, and so for a while I wondered if maybe the blood test I'd gotten years ago had gave me a false positive, and that I, after drawing a whole graphic novel about herpes, might myself not even have the virus.
But, long story short, that changed when I started doin' it with someone again, and now let's just say that I'm ALMOST positive I do indeed have herpes. Unfortunately, I have just ceased caring about what that means many years ago.
If your question is "do _I_ have herpes," then that's a hell of a lot easier: probably. Roll a 20-sided die. If it comes up with a number higher than oh, let's say, 3, than you've got it. Tell your friends and get over it.
http://www.herpesonline.org/faq.html -
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Because I care so much less about formspring! I'm getting to it, I swear....
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NO WAY am I answering that anywhere on the internet, but nice try.
But I think I do spend a lot of time hiding my political opinions -- most of them -- from people, even my friends, especially since I started hanging out with more cartoonists than circle-A types. I've been self-censoring a LOT over the past couple years especially out of a desire to not alienate people I like and will probably see a lot. Even still, I've lost at least one friend over a discussion of the (horrifying) latent politics in the Iron Man movie -- and even then I was being nice. -
I don't know if I had a choice in the matter. I think I'm just a function of my own time, location, and life choices. I read comics; I emulated what I read; I found the experience pleasant. I've frequently had the privilege of leisure time to waste on drawing them. Events could have very easily played out differently and led me to something different.
On the other hand, I did give up an embarrassing amount of fortune and contentment just to make the time & space to draw more comics. Maybe it sounds too existential, but I guess there's really no way to tell whether you're "meant" to draw comics. Creating art is just a luxury, especially these days. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think there were probably ways to spend one's precious portion of minutes on Earth. But hey -- there sure as hell are worse ways too. -
There are a couple that I think are complete toxic messes; a few that I think are self-obsessed boobs; a few that are sad, racist, misogynistic cliches; a few that have fallen victim to their own undeserved hype... but I don't know if "hate" is fair. All us cartoonists are fucked up. Otherwise we'd have real jobs.
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Like most folks, I guess I am a little of both.
I'm also polite, and introverted, with a head that is usually brimming with statements that should never be uttered aloud. The internet is good, cheap therapy for that, sometimes, so that's where my (still severely toned-down) gripes and rants usually leak out. Blame livejournal.
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Gabby’s Bio
Cartoonist. Voyeur. Evident narcissist & internet time-waster.
