How could anyone possibly care?

Nothing.

I've seen Airplane like a million times

I think he has talent, but his voice, his style and just him in general piss me off and make me want to punch him in the face.

I can't text a faceless soulless being!

Well it depends on the night. Tonight for example I'm feeling cheap and will settle for a couple hundred grand for the "full spread", as you call it.

I think it's hot. Why else?

Definitely not ones that type like that.

Weren't we already going all the way? Hence the "extra" 50?

You're setting me up for a Will-likes-black-men joke, I can feel it.

Coffee

I'm gonna need an extra 50 bucks before I can answer that question.

No because he's dead

More than life itself. The real reason she and Russell are divorcing is that she's having an affair with me.

Oh yeah we're best friends can't you tell by the loving Facebook statuses I post about her all the time?

YES.

Sigh. If you really want to know, message me. But I am not responsible for the mental scarring that may occur.

Good lord, what kind of a question IS that? I'm an attention whore and proud of it. The people who don't like it are just jealous.

He has to be older, first and foremost. I feel that guys older than myself are (for the most part) more mature, and I'm also the kind of homo that likes to be taken care of, and there's nothing like an older guy to do that. Another preference of mine is for him to be ethnic. I don't care what ethnicity, just something other than white. I do however make some exceptions on this one.

Ehhh…I do think I'm attractive and I'm confident in my looks but I am NOT my type.