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My wife and I were on holiday in the Nebulon System when two things happened:
1. I stared at a sunset so brilliant that it fried my retinae to a crisp.
2. We happened upon this lovely little consignment shop while passing through Vega on our way home and they had these on the "New Arrivals" table, so I haggled the own and got them for 15 Quasars. That's right, 15Q! Can you even believe it? -
Having never met my father, I'm gonna go with that option because it would be pretty awesome to be massaging a man's buttcheeks and then say "How's this working out for you, Mr. Smithson — actually, do you mind if I just call you 'dad'?"
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Ohhhhh, I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to take a pass on this question.
I think of my own tweets as illegitimate children: I love them all equally and know none of them intimately. I've never been a draft writer so, for the most part, once they're out of my head they're mostly gone.
As for other people's tweets, if I star something, it means it made me laugh. But I can't even remember knock-knock jokes so I hope people aren't offended if I can't keep their tweets in my head for more than a few hours at a time. -
Wild Animals, in no particular order:
Cheetah - Growing up, I thought it was awesome that an animal could run as fast as a car on the freeway, kill with predatory abandon, and still find time to look so cuddly.
Wolf - I'm from the west, and growing up you always heard the stories about wolves almost going extinct and then they were reintroduced into Yellowstone National Park and became a thorn in the side of rural ranchers who thought that government-owned land belonged to them. So, I've always bought into the metaphor behind a wolf's majesty, intelligence, marginalization and perseverance.
Giraffe - We got a blanky/lovey thing for the boy when he was born and named it Raffa and have followed up with giraffes of all shapes and sizes, so it's a sentimental favorite. -
Fuck, man, this is the toughest question I've been asked yet.
See, I have this thing about 1) originals and 2) the propensity to "Americanize" foreign products to make them more palatable to our big dumb tastes. That is to say that, the U.S. version of The Office notwithstanding, I'm usually vehemently opposed to it. However, in this case I have some other emotions that mix it all up.
The pros of Ringo Starr are not only that he has an English accent, but that he has a Liverpudlian accent, which is brilliant for storytelling. When you listen to Ringo, you are there on the island of Sodor with all of those self-centered, self-conscious god-damned steam engines.
George Carlin's primary pro is that he's fucking George Carlin, man. It's like a Pixar cartoon where your child understands it on one level and you understand it on as totally different and altogether more cynical level. Plus, Carlin gets into it more than Ringo. Yeah, he's a Yankee in Sir Topham Hatt's Court, but he doesn't embarrass himself or the rest of us Great Americans.
Then there's the question of Alec Baldwin, who, I think in his down years before 30 Rock, narrated several of the books for CDs. His take is American all the way through. But he brings elements of pathos and ethos to the stories that neither Ringo nor George can touch. There's this one story with this bitchy car named Caroline who doesn't like to work hard and breaks down when she does. He voices her as a flamboyant southern woman — basically, as Kim Basinger. I can listen to it a hundred times and still laugh. And the boy can, too. He knows the sound of an actor drawing on personal experience to really nail a part when he hears it.
Alas, the answer comes down to a sentimental cop-out: I heard George first, so George it is. -
I understand your concern but the answer is still yes — I plan to watch Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve.
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Three:
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole - something about individuality.
Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates - Something entirely different about individuality.
LA Confidential by James Ellroy - Something about epic storytelling. -
What I heard most frequently in junior high and high school was Shaggy and several variations, including Shag, Shag-Dog, and Shagatha. I was skinny and, surprise, had facial hair sooner than most of my less manly pussywimp friends, so the nickname(s) stuck. And my life was forever changed. I think.
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When I was 19 years old, I asked that exact question to a nutrition expert who was also a personal trainer. More importantly, she was really fucking hot.
She said that if you're looking at two products whose general nutritional value, or lack thereof, were roughly the same or even if the natural one was slightly less "good" for you, she always went with the natural product. I agreed with her.
Did I mention she was smokin' hot? -
Etymologically, it's a tough call.
Edward comes from the Old English, meaning "rich guard" or "blessed guard." It is also the most common name of English kings.
Jacob, AKA Israel, is the name chosen for a whole frickin' kingdom/country.
I'm no scientist but I think a king ain't a king without a kingdom. So, Team Jacob. -
Add this reply to THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN YEARS AGO!
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If I wear the suit, everyone else has to be naked. Or at least pretend-naked.
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When are YOU coming to South Carolina? Better yet, when are we having The Great Southern Tweetup we talked about a while ago, and where should it be?
(Also, I'd love to come up to North Carolina. I'm gonna work on that.) -
Marry: Tina Fey
Screw: Penelope Cruz
Kill: Dick Cheney -
People I know: My wife. She's a wonderful mom, a fantastic wife, and a really, really good human being. She's made me a much better person by example alone — and, yes, some gentle nagging.
People I don't know: Believe it or not, Oprah Winfrey. I'm not her demographic and I've probably only watched her show three times all the way through in my life. But I can't think of anyone else, male or female, who has overcome adversity, controlled her own destiny, lived with integrity, had a positive impact on millions, and gotten rich beyond her wildest dreams in doing so.
I have a deep admiration for so many people who have devoted their lives to helping others, but I am, unfortunately, not one of those who has been able to do the same. I'm a breadwinner who has attempted to help people while making a living for myself and my family. When I look at somebody who's doing something remotely close to what I do and/or want to do (entertain with integrity while helping — and making some money doing it), nobody comes close to Oprah. -
I first got it about eight years ago around the time that he had a short-lived talk show on VH1. A friend of mine had seen him a couple of times at the Largo in L.A. and was convinced that his girlfriend had dumped him for Zack. So every time I saw him he started talking about his ex-girlfriend. After The Hangover, it started happening again. A lot. So I decided to roll with it: http://bit.ly/7cqazE (in case you hadn't seen it)
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Ah, this the "what's your day job" question, isn't it? I try not to tie my day job directly to my Twitterings so that my company doesn't feel compelled to tell me how to live my social networking life. However, it suffices to say that I do enjoy my day job and that it's something Internet-related. Also, some light Google sleuthing will lead you to the answer you seek.
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All the time, kiddo, all the time.
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Neither. The best movie ever is Look Who's Talking Too.
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$5 gets you a hug. $10 gets you a kis. $25 gets you anything you want. ANYTHING.
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Essex Mortimer Dogg’s Bio
I am probably what you think I am.
