Ugh. What?

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    1. Dyna Moe
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    3. Dyna Moe

      I assume the same reason bulls have rings in their noses-- so farmers can painfully pull them into slaughterhouses with minimum resistance.

    4. Dyna Moe

      I refer you to the one immediately preceding this one, which among other things is not a fucking question.

    5. Dyna Moe
    6. Dyna Moe

      My words are printed lots of places. I had a best-selling book out last Christmas, dumbass. And suddenly the internet doesn't count? How about the film script and stage writing credits? It's gotta be letter-pressed on vellum to meet your standards, faceless internet taste-maker?

      Also, why would I care if you call me a writer? It's not like I'm claiming to be the Queen of Saxony or a bull mastiff, both of which could easily be disproved. You would have a case there if your question was "Why, if you're not a heavy-boned, short-muzzled working breed of the Molosser type, are you called a "bull mastiff?" I would cop to that.

    7. Dyna Moe
    8. Dyna Moe
    9. Dyna Moe

      Socks, over the knee preferred.
      Acceptable colors: black, teal, violet, or raspberry.

    10. Dyna Moe
    11. Dyna Moe

      The pathetic fallacy is the treatment of inanimate objects as if they had human feelings, thought, or sensations. "Pathetic" isn't pejorative but rather related to "empathy."

      Any thing else you don't feel like looking up?

    12. Dyna Moe
    13. Dyna Moe
    14. Dyna Moe

      I don't know who that is. I thought it was the creator of "Garfield" but wikipedia says this guy is on a sitcom.

      Honestly. the Golden Globe is the shortbus of awards so I can't imagine anyone getting their knickers in a twist over it.

    15. Dyna Moe
    16. Dyna Moe

      A Mattese sheer purple lipstick I bought in 1998. I don't think you're supposed to keep them that long. I may have paid upwards of tens of dollars for it.

      I only have two other lipsticks of the 99 cent variety, bought to use with costumes. I'm not really into makeup, especially lipstick. I'd rather draw attention away from my disgusting mouth.

    17. Dyna Moe
    18. Dyna Moe

      Karaoke showcases two types best: the fantastic singer and a spectacularly awful singer who sells his/her awfulness with a lot of showmanship. I am neither so I do not enjoy the experience. I also have no friends and booking a karaoke room for one is top of the list for identifying sociopaths.

      That said, when pressed and given no other options, my signature room-clearing number is "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett in which the adult male singer chews out an underage girl for "tricking" him into fucking her by being so fuckable. It is an odious song that I deliver in the robot-like monotone of Rex Harrison.

    19. Dyna Moe
    20. Dyna Moe

      Let's see... a short, homosexual Scientologist who is married with one or more children by a child bride wants a date with little old me? Oh my stars and garters, whatever will I wear?

      Seriously, pass. I wouldn't even put in the effort to "run away" since I assume he has the gait of a constipated pug and I'd lap him at walking speed.

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Dyna Moe’s Bio

Comedian. Illustrator. Dessert Topping. Floor Wax.

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