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I am allergic to: dairy products, peanuts (peanut butter), oranges, and chocolate. My reactions aren't that severe, they just cause asthma attacks if consumed in large quantities or daily. I take Singulair and Advair.
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This is one of my all time favourite questions. I usually ask it in the form of: "You're hosting a dinner party and can invite six people, living or dead, whom would you invite, and why?" I've never really covered the fictional angle and that adds so much more dimension... But, my answer remains that I would invite Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis to dinner. So many questions and so little time.
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I venture to say I'm backwards on drugs... meaning, most people will say they should be illegal, but not for them. I don't understand why drugs are illegal, or why certain ones are. Pot especially. But, my personal feelings are rather difficult to digest and they're tied to the shame of the drug being illegal and having parents that were consistently smoking it and knowing it was illegal and the difficulties that brought up in my childhood. I'm not someone that indulges, because of that, and I don't think it should be done in or around children or with them in the home. I think that we should be working towards focusing this country into realizing that drug addiction is a medical problem. But, the drugs wars and the crime and the police forces all rotate on a money and capital basis.
However, I'm not in the majority of people that think that pot is not addictive and I do think it is harmful after prolonged exposure to it - prolonged meaning years. However, you can say that about anything. I'm not a judge-y person about the whole pot thing unless there are children in or around what you're doing and then, it's a red, hot button issue for me. You want to break the law? Fine. Don't confuse the children in that situation or subject them to one of those kinds of secrets where they're scared their friends are going to say or do something to someone with the authority to do it.
As for sex... I'm more open. I don't understand why, we as a society are so closed off about this issue. Sex is natural. As long as you're doing it with consenting adults, I'm cool... And, I like it. A lot. -
Structured? That's a difficult question to answer... kind of long, too.. I think a relationship should be an equal meeting of the minds... I think that there should be a lot of communication flowing to and from both parties, just on expectations; meaning, what are the hopes and dreams and where each of you are, in terms of what things are. But, I don't think people in a relationship should be anchored. I would hope that anyone I was involved with, would feel free enough to have a guy night and would be secure enough to let me have girl night without either night ending in a fighting fiasco of insecurities. I think one good practice in any relationship is to set aside one day of the month that's special - between the two of you - one absolute day where you don't schedule anyone or anything and you are together on that day. No matter what. I think having that one day a month allows a couple to reconnect with each other and shows each other that, hey - nothing is more important than this relationship.
Now, as for what leads up to that kind of level of a relationship and dating and what have you and how that's different than friendship? First of all, the one rule is affection. I don't know how to explain it, but affection between people that are in love is different than the affection between friends. There are the flirty texts or flirty emails (not necessarily sexual) and the brief little, "I was just thinking about you and wondering how your day was going" phone calls. There are the surprises for no reason and the dates, obviously the dates. There's the getting to know what the person likes and enjoys. And the talking between each other is just different... it's more like sharing than being with a friend is. There's a simple relief that exists that doesn't with a friend, because the connection is deeper. Even more is the support factor - it's just a huger level of a commitment to be involved with someone versus just being a friend. For example, I don't expect a friend to tell me to my face that I'm being a bitch or a jackass, and then, publicly get my back. They may do it and it's wonderful when they do, but I don't expect it. I do expect that from the person I'm with. I also expect the person I'm with to be one where our relationship issues are our relationship issues. Friends are sounding boards, but there's a danger of letting third and fourth parties in. There's a commitment and a level of trust that you fall into, gradually, in which you know that person isn't going to judge your bad habits or try to change them, that they accept them and sometimes, love them. You let a person you're involved with in deeper and share some secrets not even friends know and you do so in a safe and secure environment. I think the two biggest words that come with any relationship are communication and trust. A close third is honesty and you grow and cultivate that slowly, let your guard down. Shame on anyone that manipulates that and hurts that.
Also, I don't know if this goes with the whole kissing / hand-holding thing, but I'm not a huge hugger with my friends. If I haven't seen a person in a while, then yes... I'll hug them, but I'm just the type of person that usually reserves that for relationships... so, I equate most touching with being in a relationship, as a way not to just show sexual attraction, but to show intimacy. I'm not a huge hand holder and I prefer to link my arm to whomever I'm with. Touches are just more intimate... and loving.
This is a difficult question, because I feel like there's a right and a wrong answer and I'm not doing very well explaining it. -
Out of my new handy dandy purple aluminum containers that I bought shortly after Christmas. Room temperature, please. Occasionally with a little lemon or lime wedge (mostly lime).
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72 to 74 degrees with some cloud cover, but not too much and a slight breeze... But every now and then, a terrific thunderstorm is just amazing to watch....
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The ones that I have currently do. I'm low maintenance, so I don't require a lot of care. I'm also not only a good listener, but a good venting source, as I am extremely unjudgmental. So, I usually hear, "thank you for letting me vent". Where we get into problems, my friends and I is if you're consistently coming to me with the same problem and you have a solution, but it's too inconvenient to put in place or if you're refusing to listen to any suggestions, then it just becomes a continual whine fest and that I won't listen t continually. As a friend, I am willing to hold your hand through the rough stuff, but not allow you to bury your head in the sand and complain indefinitely. And usually, once I do help, my friends are very appreciative of that and if they're not, then we no longer are... I give people a leeway and it takes a while, but, if consistently, time after time, you want me to listen when your world is falling apart but don't want to be there for me when mine is, I am not afraid of letting my feelings be known. Life is too short and filled with too many obstacles to ever let a person just drain you of your emotional support for the people that will value it..
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Depends. Who am I, if I'm not me, meeting me?
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Assuming you mean 69 "sexy" love songs:
1. Desire - Ryan Adams
2. Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
3. Crack The Shutters - Snow Patrol
4. Feelin' Love - Paula Cole
5. Bloodstream - Stateless
6. Inscape - Stateless
7. Inside Out - Bryan Adams
8. Blue Dress - Depeche Mode
9. One Caress - Depeche Mode
10. I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
11. Breathe A Sigh - Def Leppard
12. I Want You - Madonna's version featuring Massive Attack
13. Set Down Your Glass - Snow Patrol
14. No Ordinary Love - Sade
15. Sweeter & Sweeter - Alex Parks
16. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel
17. Lay Your Hands On Me - Peter Gabriel
18. Colourblind - Counting Crows
19. I'd Have You Anytime - George Harrison
20. I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles
21. Speechless - Beyonce
22. The Moon - Swell Season
23. Everybody Here Wants You - Jeff Buckley
24. Be With You - Beyonce
25. Sex For Breakfast - Christina Aguilera
26. Glory Box - Portishead
27. If You Love Me - Brownstone
28. The Skin I'm In - Gavin Rossdale
29. Bad Habits - Maxwell
30. A Question of Lust - Depeche Mode
31. Let It Down - George Harrison
32. Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol
33. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band
34. Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer
35. Walking On A Dream - Empire of the Sun
36. I Want Someone Badly - Jeff Buckley
37. Mad About You - Sting
38. Old Love - Eric Clapton
39. Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine
40. Mouth - Bush
41. Addicted - Josh Hoge
42. I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe - Ok GO
43. Brown Sugar - D'Angelo
44. Come Back To Bed - John Mayer
45. Need You Tonight - INXS
46. Red House - Jimi Hendrix
47. Lover Lay Down - Dave Matthews Band
48. I Wanna Be With You - Mandy Moore
49. Sweetest Berry - David Ryan Harris
50. I'm On Fire - Bruce Springsteen
51. Mercy - John Mayer's version
52. All You Wanted - Sounds Under Radio
53. Sex On Fire - Kings of Leon
54. Say It - Ne-Yo
55. Hot Like Fire - Aaliyah
56. Anytime, Anyplace - Janet Jackson
57. Feeling U, Feeling Me - Alicia Keys
58. Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer
59. In Your Room - Depeche Mode
60. Would You Mind? - Janet Jackson
61. If - Janet Jackson
62. I Melt With You - Modern English
63. Oublie - Noir Desire
64. Cinder and Smoke - Iron & Wine
65. Hungry Eyes - Eric Carmen
66. Tonight's The Night - Janet Jackson
67. Red Light Special - TLC
68. When The Body Speaks - Depeche Mode
69. Edge of Desire - John Mayer -
For a friend? Yes. No question. For a stranger? Honestly? I probably would, but if I did, it would probably be a reflexive action. It depends on the situation and how it occurs.
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I think it's unfortunate that so many people feel so lonely, when no one has a clue how sad they are or that they feel like giving up. There are all kinds of self harm, but I think you're referring to suicide. If you are... I think that people that go through with it are deeply tortured.
If you're talking about cutting or something like that? Cutting is something I'm not familiar enough with to have an opinion. It baffles me that physically cutting could help with emotional pain. There, too, there is a deeply emotional issue at work.
Self harm exists in bulimia, anorexia, and in overeating. It exists in exercise too much or body building too much. It also exists in alcoholism and drug abuse / addiction. All of which, usually, have at their heart, a deep psychological issue. These people should be handled with care, but not so much that they walk all over you and don't get help. They are also people that have to want help to get it. Unfortunately, people have to be open to what's going on inside of them for others to take note or know how difficult their situations are. The more loudly and excessively you proclaim how much pain you're in or how difficult your life is, usually it's not as bad as the person who is internalizing it all... or is hurting and quietly sitting in the corner. -
My mother pretty much damn near ordering me to apply for food stamps and the fight that occurred over the fact that I'm ineligible, I know I'm ineligible, I looked it up online to show her I was ineligible and the fact that she's still pissed off with me for being angry at her for telling her that I wouldn't qualify for it in the first place and wasting 30 minutes of MY time on this tonight and comparing MY job to my cousin's, who is a make-up artist working part-time at a hair salon and equating our salaries and saying that I should qualify for something I KNEW I would not qualify for in the first place.
My sister having two of my shrugs and one of my bras for over a month and a half because I need the hooks and eyes repaired on the shrugs and the wire is coming out of the bra and she said she would fix it. Yet, when they have a computer issue, I'm expected to be over there within the week to resolve it - and I do, and almost nearly always free of charge. I've also done a hell of a lot of babysitting for them recently, and didn't get paid for that. All I asked for in return is one little favor and to get it accomplished, I'm going to have to ride my older's sister's ass. Just do the shit I ask you to do in a timely manner. I understand you've got kids and work part time, but, she's been off since Wednesday on vacation and won't go back until Tuesday. And the kids? 7 and 14. Not exactly babies requiring the same level of care.
Being told that I would have to come home, after working on a Saturday, to wrap baby gifts for the shower on Sunday... because I refused to go shopping with my Mom and my sister on Saturday (shopping with my Mom is a huge ordeal) and I wouldn't have been able to, once I did find out I had to work. For November and December, I helped my Mom shop for Christmas and wrap at least 2/3rds of the presents, because I had the time. My sister had the time and tried to pawn it off on me. Hello? Busy, busy weekend. Do you think maybe you two could back off of me. I mean, my mother gets pissed off because my grandmother favoured my aunt, supposedly.... so my mom favours my sister and talks about how raising a family is hard while you work, but she doesn't work full time, never works past 6 and when she works on a Saturday, she's in the office at 9:30 and out by noon. Also, when it's just a week that you just had pretty much off? Can you help out?? I mean, just can you?
Two other things....? I can't name. Pretty much, I get over things quickly, as long as I have a bit of time to let it go. These issues are from both yesterday and the first one just a few moments ago. They're fresh in my mind and I'll be over them in a week or so. Pretty much, my mom gets into pissy moods about a lot of shit because she goes overboard and then, my father goes off on her. She excuses her way of spending and her lifestyle and thinks EVERYONE shops like she does. I buy a whole hell of a lot less than she does. Not everyone spends $1000 at Sam's in one weekend, she forgets. She thinks she "needs" so much more than she actually does. I just hate that she takes out her anger on me, and that's what this is and was. It was an attack on me and pretty much a demand for me to do something that I knew I would not be able to do. She's also angry with me, because when I said I was neutral in regards to her fighting with my father. That was the wrong thing. I was supposed to agree with her, period. When I didn't, she opened up her tirade with me. She is, single handedly, the most neurotic and most difficult woman in the world to deal with and I wish that she could just love me... for once... just love me and not start these arguments. I wish she could let go of stuff or, realize she has a huge mental problem that requires care and therapy, but she won't. I wish, she would take care of herself. -
Honestly? The one I remember last was a nightmare involving the quest for a new superintendent of the school district I work with. Needless to say, the selection was not a good one for our organization. I had that one early Friday morning. It woke me up one minute before my alarm. You know you're exhausted when you're bummed about missing one minute.
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A question like this usually comes with a motivation attached and does not make me feel at all comfortable answering publicly. I should ask you to resubmit with a name or a provide a name privately if you feel uncomfortable doing so. However:
Everyone thinks they're a good friend. I'm honest enough to say that I'm a wonderful listener, but I'm not a person that tries to buy affections, because my mother goes overboard on that. I also prefer a smaller group of extremely close friends, whom I would do anything for, rather than a lot of what become aquaintances.
I'm a good friend to those that I let in. Am I always friendly to strangers? No. I'm polite and try to be warm, but I can and do put a boundary between friend and acquaintance. The past few years have been difficult on that front and have taught me a lot about people and their personal motivations.
I'm loyal, trustworthy, and honest. The last one gets me in the most trouble. Sometimes people don't want to hear the answers to the questions they ask. So, yes... I'm a good friend based on the values and priorities I feel are important... but does everyone think that about me? No. We all have people that feel we were not a good friend to them at one point of our lives or another. -
The question is too vague. Please be more specific.
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That's a very difficult question to answer, because it's not a black or white question. First off, not all relationships are the same... because not all people are the same and needs vary from one person to the next. But, for simplification purposes, I will say that I find more to be fulfilled with in a personal relationship than I do with any job or career. I've always been more oriented towards helping people versus making money, so I'm admittedly biased. I can't be in a career field tied to it by the money or the size of the paycheck. I'm happiest making a difference in individual people's lives, so, naturally, I care very deeply when I'm in a relationship about the other person in it.
I think it does become the main priority in my life, and I don't see why it shouldn't. Relationships fail so often because of the "me" factor - from both men and women. You need "me" time, yes, but too often relationships fail because partners were more concerned with their own needs versus the needs of the "we" or the "us".
The complication arises, however, with children, because I don't know any mother worth her weight in gold that doesn't put her children as the priority - and quite a few fathers do it, as well. On a tier, I'd put children a smidge above a spouse/partner. But, a spouse/partner above work.
Now, does that mean that I wouldn't find my position important? Absolutely not. But, I can be me without my position... and, I can find another one I like just as much (even though I'm happily landed in the place I'm at), but... I can't be me without the person currently in my life.... because we've grown together at times and you do, inevitably, in any good relationship. That's the other half of me, in some respects, and so, yes. But, I don't neglect my position and I certainly do things on an important scale, but, I've always been a big believer in home being more important than anything else. If home is out of whack, everything else suffers. -
As long as the flux capacitor fluxes, definitely the DeLorean.
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Pride and Prejudice
Grace and Power (Jackie and Jack Kennedy biography)
Janet Evanovich books (not her "romance" ones, but the Stephanie Plum series) are a guilty pleasure
I enjoy James Patterson a lot
I look forward to answering this more in the next few years. I've kind of let my reading slide a bit. Going to rectify that digitally soon.
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bethany’s Bio
smart, sassy, and liberal writer, observer of life or something like it, lover of music and all things jackie kennedy
