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Yanno, that's totally an online thing. In real life, when speaking to a Dominant, you can't capitalize a pronoun.
However, the internet is limiting as far as how you can show a Dominant respect. So many submissives lowercase their personal pronouns and capitalize a Dominant's to show that respect. It's like tone of voice, internet-style.
As far as whether you should or shouldn't, that's a personal preference between you and that Dominant. If a Dominant requests you capitalize his/her pronouns, then do it. There's no harm in meeting that request. If you're comfortable capitalizing pronouns with a Dominant, then do it. It doesn't hurt anything. If you aren't comfortable doing it, then don't.
Here's my history with capitalizing pronouns. I started out on a spanking server which was just spankos - no D/s stuff - so I didn't capitalize pronouns. When I went to bondage.com, I was called on it. Someone flat out asked me why I didn't lowercase my pronouns and capitalize his. I told him I wasn't aware of that particular habit.
So... I made an effort to capitalize a Dominant's personal pronouns. I did that for about two years until it really started to fuck with my everyday writing. I slowly weaned myself from capitalizing pronouns, and I stopped altogether when I got me a real life relationship. It sort of put things into perspective for me and made me realize that it wasn't necessary.
So, to summarize - do what's comfortable for you. I'm not aware of any hard and fast rules that say you should only capitalize your owner's personal pronouns. Of course, if you are in a relationship, do what your Master tells you to do ;) -
I'm not sure why I didn't answer this question earlier, but maybe it's because I didn't know what to say. I still don't have much experience submitting 24/7 - I've only been with Daddy full time for two months. Plus I can't say that I've been submitting that much. We're going through an adjustment period still, with Sweet Pea, so there hasn't been much D/s.
Because of that, I think this question still applies. I do know it's what I truly need in reality. Because we haven't played much, I still have that longing, but I've gotten tastes, here and there, and it just feels right.
That's not to say that everything I've ever fantasized about will be what I expected it to be. I've had fantasies about a few things that now, when those fantasies could come true, I'm very skittish about them. But there are things that I never thought I could enjoy become almost-fetishes now. So it's a give and take kinda thing, I think.
Bottom line is... I know that I love and trust my Daddy, and while I have no hard limits with him, he also doesn't want to break his toys either. I'm safe with him, and that's all that matters. -
Well, I’m truly a newbie when it comes to 24/7 relationships, but my first answer to your question would be “It’s a dream come true!”
I don’t mean to be glib. It’s just something I’ve wanted my whole life, and Daddy is truly the man I’ve been looking for for my entire 31 years. But it does take work. It’s taking the bad with the good. It’s about making compromises and putting your needs aside to tend to your Dominant.
When I said earlier that you have to take the bad with the good, I mean that when you’re living with someone 24/7, it’s not like when you were dating and they got all spiffed up to go out with you. You will see your Dominant with bed head and morning breath. Your Dominant will see you with bed head and morning breath. You will not always be freshly showered when he’s playing with you, nor will he. He will see you without makeup on, or if you’re serving a female Dominant, you will see her without makeup on. But that’s the part I love ~ how comfortable I am being myself around him and knowing he loves me anyway. He will tease me about my nasty pussy sometimes (it’s not nasty, but as a way of humiliating me) or joke around about how I need to suck on his sweaty balls. He calls me “Sasquatch” because one day I was paranoid about him seeing me without my legs freshly shaved. He also will tease me about being the stinky kid. But then he turns around and tells me how much he loves dirty girls.
But anyway, I got off the subject. Here’s a typical “perfect” day for me. Daddy wakes me up, and I get out of bed to get his coffee started. Sometimes we make love first thing in the morning, but not always. Sometimes I have to pee, so I ask if I may before getting his coffee started. Daddy’s not unreasonable ~ he usually lets me.
While it’s brewing and Daddy is making his way out to the dining room, I step outside and let the dog out. That’s when I smoke my morning cigarette too. (See ~ it’s subtle, but I’m putting his needs before mine and waiting until the coffee is brewing before I take any time for myself, and I’m still doing for him at the same time by letting out his dog.)
When his coffee is fixed to his preference, I take it to him at his computer, where he usually sits for a bit to wake up and check on the few games he plays online. I either sit next to him at the table, or I kneel at the right side of his chair, and I do try to be quiet so I don’t bombard him with stuff so early in the morning. I fetch him anything he needs so he doesn’t have to get up, I handle any interruptions, and I generally inquire about the day’s agenda.
No matter what is going on that day, I try to stay within earshot to attend to his needs, and if I’m not, Daddy will text me from across the house. Daddy really likes to cum as many times a day as he can, so if there’s a quiet moment, I will give him head or whatever he wants. I don’t really get any free time alone, except if he’s in the bathtub or the sauna and doesn’t require my service, but I’m okay with that. I love spending time with him. Sometimes Daddy and I will just sit in the office where he’s on his computer, I’m on mine, and we talk while he plays and I read my forums.
I ask his permission for almost everything. While it may not always be, “Sir, may I please go to the bathroom?”, I do say “I need to go potty,” and then I’ll look at him for a moment, knowing that if it’s not okay he’ll say so then, and then I get up to use the bathroom. If I want to shower, I’ll ask if it’s okay. Sometimes, for whatever reason, he doesn’t want me to shower right then. If I want to spend some time on my computer to write, I ask.
Daddy almost always cooks dinner, because he enjoys cooking, he’s great at it, and he told me he loves to do that for me. Because he cooks, Sweet Pea and I will do the dishes and clean up after dinner. I really hate housework, and I will admit that sometimes I rush through and just help Sweet Pea with the things she can’t do, or I will jump in and take over if she’s being too slow so I can get back to Daddy more quickly.
After dinner, I’ll fix him a drink if he wants it. I’m not good yet at remembering to ask him if he would like anything to drink, but I should be asking that. Sometimes I’ll ask, “What can I do for you right now, Daddy?” because I’m not good at anticipating his needs, but I want him to know that I want to serve him.
Once kids are in bed, I get Daddy an ice water and Sweet Pea sets up the coffee pot. We usually play before bed. Sometimes Daddy and I make love. Sometimes he spanks us. Sometimes he uses our hitachis on us until we’re begging and screaming to stop cumming. Sometimes we suck his cock. He really does like to cum twice before he goes to sleep, so it can be a combination of things. Sometimes Sweet Pea is with us, but sometimes she’s not, depending on how she’s feeling. I’m usually asleep well before he is, but if he’s in the mood later, and I’ve already fallen to sleep, he’ll wake me up. He usually kisses me goodnight when he’s done with me for the night and tells me to get some sleep.
Now, all this will change once I start working again. Daddy is a stay-at-home dad, and Sweet Pea doesn’t work because of her health, so the routines will be different on the days that I work.
I hope this answers your question. -
When you meet your "one" how will you know and how long will you deny yourself before admitting it?I'm pretty sure I know who this question is from, and while I know he has an ulterior motive for asking it, I'm going to actually give a straight answer.Let's tackle the first part of the question first: How will you know when you meet your "one"?There really isn't a formula for this. It's a feeling you get when everything just clicks. But there are characteristics that "The One" needs to have. He/She needs to have similar morals, life goals, and expectations within the D/s lifestyle and in the vanilla world. He/She needs to accept and love you for who you are, not what you look like or what you can do for them. While it's not necessary for "The One" to be drop-dead gorgeous, there needs to be physical attraction.On a personal level, my "One" needs to be stable. He needs to be a family man. He needs to make me laugh. He needs to push me to be the best girl I can be, but he also needs to love me for who I am inside. He needs to beat my ass on a regular basis, but also lovingly discipline me when I've done wrong. He needs to take care of me, hold me when I'm scared, and kiss me when I'm sad. He needs to do all these things not because I require it, but because he knows that by doing all these things, I will be happy and even more eager to please and take care of him.Okay, the second question: How long will I deny myself before admitting I've found "The One"?I have always been cautious by nature. When I was younger and buying my first car, I spent all day freaking out about the purchase, even though I knew it was the car for me. It was good on gas mileage, it was small and easy for me to navigate, it was in great condition, and best of all, I could afford to pay for it upfront. Still... I worried and cried and doubted my abilities to make the right decision.I'm not a risk-taker, and I don't like change. So... it does take a bit of time for me to fully commit to something, even though I know deep down in my heart it's the right decision to make.But, the more time I spend with "The One", the more comfortable I will be in the decision I've already subconsciously made. While there's no set time limit for me to get over my neuorsis, I will get over it.And I am worth waiting for.I promise.
When you meet your "one" how will you know and how long will you deny yourself before admitting it?
I'm pretty sure I know who this question is from, and while I know he has an ulterior motive for asking it, I'm going to actually give a straight answer.
Let's tackle the first part of the question first: How will you know when you meet your "one"?
There really isn't a formula for this. It's a feeling you get when everything just clicks. But there are characteristics that "The One" needs to have. He/She needs to have similar morals, life goals, and expectations within the D/s lifestyle and in the vanilla world. He/She needs to accept and love you for who you are, not what you look like or what you can do for them. While it's not necessary for "The One" to be drop-dead gorgeous, there needs to be physical attraction.
On a personal level, my "One" needs to be stable. He needs to be a family man. He needs to make me laugh. He needs to push me to be the best girl I can be, but he also needs to love me for who I am inside. He needs to beat my ass on a regular basis, but also lovingly discipline me when I've done wrong. He needs to hold me accountable for my actions, and put me in my place when it's necessary. He needs to take care of me, hold me when I'm scared, and kiss me when I'm sad. He needs to do all these things not because I require it, but because he knows that by doing all these things, I will be happy and even more eager to please and take care of him.
Okay, the second question: How long will I deny myself before admitting I've found "The One"?
I have always been cautious by nature. When I was younger and buying my first car, I spent all day freaking out about the purchase, even though I knew it was the car for me. It was good on gas mileage, it was small and easy for me to navigate, it was in great condition, and best of all, I could afford to pay for it upfront. Still... I worried and cried and doubted my abilities to make the right decision.
I'm not a risk-taker, and I don't like change. So... it does take a bit of time for me to fully commit to something, even though I know deep down in my heart it's the right decision to make.
But, the more time I spend with "The One", the more comfortable I will be in the decision I've already subconsciously made. While there's no set time limit for me to get over my neuorsis, I will get over it.
And I am worth waiting for.
I promise. -
Hi, and thanks for your question. I wrote about BDSM and depression a long time ago. Honestly, I was depressed when I wrote it, so I geared it from the perspective that the submissive is depressed. I also wrote it a year ago, and I've done some growing up since then. So... I'm really glad for your question.
First, I want to say that it's not unusual or un-Domly-like to become depressed. Doms are human, after all, and humans get depressed. So, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
First, let's tackle your first question: "How can a Dom fulfill his/her responsibilities when depressed?" Short answer is, he or she really can't.
That leads us to your second question: "What should subs know about it?"
When the Dominant is depressed, it's time for the submissive to step up and submit without his Dominance. She needs to fall back on her training, her experience, her love and her heart to do their best to elevate the Dominant.
I spoke to a friend of mine who has experience in this exact situation, and he quoted something from the television show "The Sopranos". "If you are going to be with an important man, you better know how to make him feel important."
That's the submissive's job when her Man is depressed. She needs to try even harder to help raise him up. This is not the time to resist or test her Dominant. The higher she can get him, the more dominance he will have, and the more control he can gain.
Girls, listen up. A man's feelings do not change as quickly as ours do. My friend said, "If we are depressed, that's not to say we won't laugh at a fart joke on South Park or be able to f*ck around and go have a beer. Those aren't signs of him not being depressed. It's him trying to take the weight off his shoulders so he can think."
So, bottom line submissives: be patient with your Dom and make him feel important.
Other ideas would be to encourage your Dominant to talk to you about what's bothering him, give him the opportunity to talk to other Dominant friends (but don't come right out and say "Why don't you talk to so-and-so about your depression"). Don't plan a huge ambush or intervention: that will make him resent you. Don't nag at him. Give him time to come to you about what's going on.
Also, be prepared that when he does talk to you, he may talk about things you have done or haven't done. Don't get defensive. Accept that you may play a part in his depression.
On the flip side, Dominants should not take out his depression on his submissive. He shouldn't lash out and hurt her emotionally or physically. He needs to recognize that he is depressed and do everything he can to help himself. Most importantly, he needs to be open and honest in his communication with her submissive. Otherwise, she won't know what's going on and will start to feel shut out.
To summarize, Doms need to talk to their subs and get help. Subs need to be supportive without being a nag. And they both need to communicate.
Hope that answers your questions! Let me know if I haven't covered something or if you have follow-up questions, please! -
Thanks for your question, libby! It's something that I get asked a lot, actually.
Really, it depends on my interaction with people. I can switch back and forth between sub and Domme in a matter of seconds. I can actually feel both Domme and sub at the same time.
If the person I'm with is very Dominant, then I naturally feel submissive toward that person... and vice versa. It just depends on the vibe that person gives out.
That said, I have some "rules" about my 'switchiness'. I tend to keep the roles separate, as in I won't top someone who has topped me, and I won't submit to someone who has submitted to me. So I really wouldn't do well in a relationship with a switch.
I am more submissive than Dominant, although I am very secure in my dominance online. I have recently decided that while I need to have a way to express my Dominance, doing it online is probably the only way I will feel comfortable with it. I can't imagine myself dominating someone r/l.
Hope that answers your question, libs! Thanks so much :)
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dissonance’s Bio
I have 14 years experience in the D/s lifestyle, learning and growing.
