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Realizing your life is your own and you alone are the gatekeeper to who is allowed in it. You either let people walk all over you or you tell them what the fuck's up. If there are toxic people in your life, cut them out. Stop whining about them while they drain the fucking life out of you.
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Lately, it's the Spyro the Dragon series for PS One. I've already beat the first one and am now on the second. I'm also playing a lot of Tekken for the PS1 and New Super Mario Bros for the Nintendo DSi.
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Getting motivated. I know I can do a lot of things but I overanalyze, make it a far bigger deal than it needs to be and then discard it since I've already made up my mind that it's too much of a hassle. I think it's what makes change so difficult for me..I turn shit into an insurmountable mess.
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My husband and I always quote from the film 'Sleeping with the Enemy.' Especially when we get into arguments. The dialogue between Julia Roberts and her husband is hilarious and everything he says cracks me up because of the way his face grimaces.
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Hmm, shopping makes me happy. When I walk into Sephora, I feel like I'm in a dream. Lol All the colors and smells..I want it all. Or the Hello Kitty store! I LOVE the smell inside of that store. Whenever I'm scared, I get sleepy. When I'm angry, I get goosebumps. When I'm excited, I get hyper. If I'm nervous, I get nauseous. If I'm tired, I get headaches.
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Physically, I would make my boobs bigger and my skin smoother and brighter. I'm not in shape but I'm glad that at almost 30, my body still feels half its age. Pregnancy made minor changes but my body snaps back amazingly quick. Personality, I guess I would be more outgoing. My friends like to go to strip clubs or on trips and when they ask me to go, I always say no. They still ask on the offchance that I will say yes. When I have gone out, I have fun but as soon as I get home, I think, "Glad that's over." That makes me feel like such a stick in the mud. I also dislike physical contact. I don't like people I don't know touching me. It grosses me out. I have trouble eating in restaurants. There really is no rhyme or reason for it. When I'm in a restaurant, I feel like Juno in the abortion clinic. All the sounds are heightened, the clattering of utensils or people's conversations. It's why I always opt for quieter, more expensive restaurants or restaurants with little traffic. I'm getting better at all of this, though. slowly but surely.
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Trinket. It's not quite pink and it's not quite purple. It's both. It's really bright and it makes me happy. =)
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There was a girl that was one grade below me who was always getting picked on. She would just take it and never say anything back. She was a big girl and they would make cracks about her weight and her eyes would well up and this would piss me off. I would tell the boys to leave her alone and they would but then as soon as I wasn't around, they'd start up again. Well, one day, I was walking down the corridors and I heard one of the boys yelling, "Look at Paula-saurus. Who knew dinosaurs could cry." And Paula was crying and asking them to please stop. I flipped on that kid. I grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face on the wall. His nose started bleeding so I let go. He ran to the office and I was given detention for a week. A few days later, Paula came up to me and gave me a hug. She was crying and she said, "Thanks for sticking up for me." She still got picked on but now she stood up for herself. That confrontation, for me, was the impetus to being a bitch. I hate seeing people denigrated and humiliated.
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Laying in a hammock by a waterfall. My hair was so long that I tied it around a tree and used it to swing myself. I was so relaxed and I was eating shrimp kebobs with margaritas. That sounds amazing right now.
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I never throw anything away. You should see my dressing room..yeesh!! I kid you not, there are 25 boxes from Sephora, Zappos, Neiman Marcus, shoes, clothes, handbags EVERYWHERE. There is even a half eaten oatmeal cookie in my nail dryer. I'm not quite as bad as those hoarder people on TV. I'm not even at the point where an intervention would be recommended. I just can't seem to throw anything away.
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When we were younger, my dad would take us to a farmer's market two towns over. Dad would stuff us with corn dogs and churros while he would have taco truck. Every Sunday, we were given our allowance which was only $5 but to us may as well have been a million. Five bucks went far at the farmer's market. I would spend it all on these little plastic bags that had hair ties, stationary, stickers etc. I loved the smell of the plastic bag. It smelled like a child's swimming pool. I've looked for these bags everywhere and haven't found them. :/
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Hmm. It would probably be Matlock. Just when I'm sure I've seen all of the episodes, they broadcast one I've never seen. My favorite episodes are the ones with Michelle. I didn't care much for the ones with Jerry or Kene Holliday. My all time fave episode would probably be the one about the sisters who killed their aunt and framed their uncle.
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His name was Paul. We were both in 5th grade and I thought he was the coolest thing since British Knights. He had a mullet and wore like three different pairs of socks on each leg, as was the style at the time, and a backwards hat. Back then, I thought he had the cutest bottom lip which now that I'm an adult, I realize was due to an overbite. But jeez, he was the first Guy to make me draw those stupid hearts all over my Spartan journal. The next guy was this 7th grader who was an impeccable dresser. His hair was always gelled to perfection and he always smelled so good. I thought he was such a fucking pimp because he always walked around with a flock of hos. I later found out that he was totally gay and it was then that I realized that I needed to step my fucking game up and vet my crushes. I was creaming my panties for the wrong guys.
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I either eat my feelings or shop. I remember the day of my dad's funeral, everyone brought cakes and casseroles and hams.. I couldn't stop eating. When I'm sad, I don't know what to do with myself so I eat anything and everything. I also go online and try buy myself new stuff. Usually, a new handbag does it. There are days when I know all I have to do is make myself laugh and I watch this guy..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLa6dzVN_AU&feature=youtube_gdata
At 00:17 and 00:38 I can't help but laugh. I can't even fathom that level of happiness! -
My AP Pscychology teacher, Mrs. Johnson. She was so cool. I learned so much in her class and she introduced us to sides of ourselves that we may have never known. She would have us watch films in class that opened our eyes to the complexities of human nature. We learned about nature vs nurture, cognition, Maslow, Belyaev, archetypes, fight or flight, chemical imbalances etc etc. She was so kickback and I always looked forward to her class. She encouraged open discussion and nurtured our very strong opinions. I definitely feel like she played a huge role in my growth as a person.
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I speak English, natch. I'm fluent in Spanish. I took four years of French in high school but I'm gradually losing it because I don't speak it. I'd like to be fluent in Italian, German and Japanese.
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If I had never met my husband, I know that I would already have my doctorate and my own practice. I probably would have married First Love, who irl is also pursuing a doctorate, and we'd be living in some exclusive area up north. We wouldn't have had kids and used our extra resources to help the community. First Love coached baseball and pee wee football and was into volunteering. His degree is in Sociology. That life sounds really nice sometimes but if that had happened, I would have missed out on SO much.. Meeting Jeremiah and having Aiden, saying goodbye to my dad, being there for my mom, being emotionally and financially supportive of my brothers when they needed me, being close with my family. I still want that doctorate. It's going to take me longer to get it but I don't mind. I am responsible for all of my choices. I do have onus for where my life is and I don't blame anyone for it. Sometimes I feel like such a failure because I never wanted to be one of those women who stays home while her husband brings home the money. I WANT to contribute so I handle our financial affairs, the house stuff, doctor's appointments...anything to feel useful. J says I handle logistics or he calls me a domestic engineer. Lol I can definitely picture my life without my son and husband but the truth is, I don't want it. I like waking up and hearing Aiden laugh while he watches cartoons or having J kiss me goodbye every morning before he goes to work. This life makes me happy.
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Half would go into Aiden's trust account. I would buy myself a car. Something simple to get me from A to B, the Bentley Supersports. LOL I'd pay for something I've wanted for a long time. I'd buy a new wardrobe, shopping spree, I'd buy J the muscle car he wants. I'd pay off credit cards. My husband always talks about going abroad so I think I'd pay for an all expense paid trip for us. Maybe backpacking through Europe.
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I do believe in God only because I don't want to believe that death is finite and there is no afterlife. I want to be with my dad in heaven, if there is one. I'm not polytheistic. I think if there is a God, there must be ghosts and spirits. Thus, if God exists, the Morning Star exists. So then, demons exist. The archangels, the cherubim, purgatory..
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AJ Cagney
On the couch or the love seat..sometimes I mix it up and sit on the chaise.
AJ Cagney’s Bio
By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes..
