When it comes from the heart.

Rolly the Rowl. Gently. Like the sensitive stablehand character from a romance novel.

Holy shit what a great question. I don't know how I ended up at the table but I'm not complaining.

Module: The original Temple of Elemental Evil

I simply love that module and with Gary at the helm I can only imagine it would be as exciting and life-or-deah as they come. I would opt to play human wizard in the tradition of Tenser or Mordenkainen, grab my dice, and settle in for the long haul (or prepare for a quick and brutal death).

Ah, the old "Flooded House" routine.

Knock on wood, I've never had anyone pull the lame excuse card. People have left my table before but it's been for legitimate reasons: Moving, job change, child birth, etc.

Not as in "had a baby at the table". That might be awesome though. I'd want to hold the baby up like that scene from the Lion King.

It was during my time as a player (not a DM) in the 3rd-edition D&D days. The boyfriend of a member of the group joined our table (let's call him Jeff). Jeff was one of those nasally, rat-faced, guys who thought he knew how to play games better than anyone else and had the bad habit of telling you what you're doing when your turn arrives. Not asking. Telling. He also favored disrupting a campaign as often as possible. We were like the Secret Service in the campaign and this guy never seemed to grasp that.

It took about 10 minutes for us to realize this and everyone at the table (excluding Jeff) groaned whenever we heard "Well actually you should..." or "I am breaking cover! COLOR SPRAY!!!!!"

I tend to have a pretty high threshold for putting up with such players. I make a joke of it but when Jeff stepped on me a few times over the course of a few sessions, I finally lost my cool a bit and told him to "mind his own fucking business" and that I would "play my character my way". I played a multiclassed monk/rogue moving toward assassin. That was my role in the group. When he muttered something about optimal performance and "a real player would have..." I very calmly told Jeff that he'd better watch his ass.

Two sessions later, in the midst of a difficult encounter he dropped to -4 hit points away from the main group and started dying. On my turn, I moved to his character with a potion of cure light wounds in hand. He said "oh thank god. I thought I was a goner."

I coup de graced him.

Was it petty? Yep. Was it the right thing to do? Nope. Did my DM know I was going to do it? Nope. Did the rest of the group need to cheer and laugh? Nope. Would I do it again if in the same situation?

Yep.

I firmly believe in giving folks the benefit of the doubt and trying to reason with them at the table but if all else fails, give them an object lesson.

If I can choose one item I have to go with the Staff of the Magi. I always wanted to find one over the years of playing my favorite wizard character, Waldo Willowtree (LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY CHARACTER). it was not meant to be so I'll use my gift card for that.

The Castle Greyhawk module is a joke (and a bad one at that) and a huge black mark on the legacy of the World of Greyhawk. It came in the waining years of the Greyhawk era of D&D and while it uses the ruins of Castle Greyhawk as a setting, it is best ignored. For many (if not all) hardcore Greyhawkers the "real" Castle Greyhawk is presented in the "Ruins of Greyhawk" accessory. I always considered the module to be a passive aggressive jab at the idea of what D&D had become for many people at that time: a joke.

As a player I always love to play human or halfling wizards and bards. Yes, bards motherfuckers. I've maintained for years that bards are awesome and I will until the day I die! TEAM BARD!

I've always taken a pretty firm stance on not allowing too much booze at the table. I eased up on it with my current group and almost immediately regretted it. Moderation is one thing but it quickly becomes a situation where people are drinking and bullshitting and MAYBE some D&D is played by the time the night is over. Individual groups seem to vary.

My gaming drink of choice is iced tea of the southern sweet variety. Not so sweet that a spoon will stand up in it on it's own but a little on the sweet side.

d12's. I don't think games uses enough of them, honestly. For novelty sake I like d100's. It's like rolling a golf ball across the table.

My inner fanboy squees every time I see it. I never expected folks to react this way.

Knowing Matt Roberts is like having that buddy who is great but a little off. He's fun to be around but you know someday you'll find him with his dick in the mashed potatoes.

I'm Brian Patterson. I draw/write the comic d20monkey and I am a fan of your work. Your beard inspires the masses.

I've joined G.I. Joe and not COBRA? Well never let it be said I pass on the chance to pick up a non-issue uniform and code name.

Code Name: Bahamut
Specialty: Close quarters combat / riot control
Uniform colors: Deep blue and silver
Specialty equipment: A hybrid old-school shield/advanced riot shield.

In my case it would probably be either "Twenty!!!!" or "Holy Shit!!!!"

Muppets: Gonzo, Fozzy, and Scooter.
Our sketch is two-fold as I am attempting to run a session of D&D for Gonzo, Fozzy, and Scooter. Of course they are wound up. Fozzy is dropping Fuzz-bombs to groans from the audience, Gonzo is being Gonzo, and Scooter takes the role of the gamer who is WAY too serious about it all.

The sketch is two-fold as when we play, we go into the game to see the Muppets dressed as their characters, reacting to my narration. Of course, despite a series of missteps and fumbles, Gonzo rolls the natural 20 that saves the day. Miss Piggy makes a cameo as the damsel in distress. Sam the Eagle plays the role of the evil wizard.

My flashback is brief, focusing on my love of comics, gaming, etc as well as my work as a cartoonist. The scene takes place in my favorite local comic book shop on a Wednesday afternoon. I'm there with friends, talking books, and the typically ridiculous scenarios we tend to concoct during discussions.

In the end the flashback establishes my habit of breaking the most serious of moments down to comic, movie, and T.V. analogies to break the tension.

Sadly, I am the guy who dies in the first episode.

The best thing to happen to me in 2010 was the launch of d20monkey.com

I love drawing comics and making people laugh. The comic is a culmination a love of comics, planning, self-doubt, and dreaming that finally stands as a real thing in my life. I could not be happier.

When it comes to the campaign, I plan out quite a bit and lay down sub-plots early to link adventures together smoothly. Sure, I can change events on the fly but the big moments are foreshadowed and usually result in diorama set-ups with maps, dwarven forge, etc.

When it comes to sessions, admittedly I tend to run with a detailed outline for the session that leaves plenty of wiggle room for good player ideas and developments. After all, this is the player's story, not mine and their actions dictate the outcome.

I write out important dialogue. I use NPC voices. In some cases I borderline LARP to set the scene for the players. Basically, I make an ass of myself to bring my campaign to life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.