I like to think Adam Brody would. I feel he could capture my essence.

I don't really pay Tyra any mind. The most I've ever seen of a Tyra episode is about 15 mins and then I couldn't take it anymore. Personally I think that ho is cray cray and just carry about my day.

I have a small burn mark on my hand from a crafting incident involving a hot glue gun when I was in Jr. High. I also have a scar on my eyelid from when I was about 3 years old and my neighbor threw a rock at me. I don't remember the incident but I was told the story and can clearly see the scar.

While I am known to randomly break into choreographed dancing at parties, work or the aisles of Target after a good meal at the Olive Garden, I would never think that I am as bad as Lady Gaga. First of all, I don't walk around in a leotard with with empty pepsi cans in my hair as rollers. Nor do I leave my house wearing a telephone made out of hair on my head or an outfit made out of caution tape. I ain't gonna lie though, I would like a polar bear cape just like the one she has in the "Bad Romance" video. That thing is pretty fierce.

If I'm going to die anyway, I want the full meal from Olive Garden complete with all-you-can-eat breadsticks. I'd like the artichoke dip appetizer, tons and tons of salad and for my main course I'd also be getting my usual dish, the manicotti formaggio with alfredo sauce instead of the red sauce. Then I'd have more breadsticks because damn are they delicious. Hopefully I'd eat enough to slip me into a food coma where I'd gladly welcome death rather than feeling so full I want to die.

I actually haven't had to deal with Internet gangsters. I have though had to deal with the most ruthless gangsters known to man, The Mexican Church Ladies. Mexican Church Ladies are scarier than any gangster, Internet or otherwise. MCLs will look you in the eye, greet you politely and wish you were dead. Have you ever been sitting at Starbucks, minding your business when a MCL walks in, shakes your hand and gives you a look that says "I just came from mass and I'm in my nice clothes so I will act politely but if I could have you taken out I would" and survived? I have.

MCLs will never be rude to you to your face. They'll save that for when you're not around and talk shit about you like it's their only ticket into the pearly white gates. The best way to deal with MCLs is to act as politely as they are to you and sleep with their sons. There's no point in yelling or acting a fool with a MCL, that's what they want. That will only give them more ammo and prove their point that you're a heathen that wasn't raised right.

There's nothing better than looking a MCL in the face when she's smiling and resisting the urge to kill you because that would be unChristian and knowing in your heart that you slept with her son and she has no clue.

Anna Nicole Smith. She'd have the BEST stories. And just keep to keep it in the spirit of Anna Nicole, I'd take her to Olive Garden. Lord knows I can tear it up at The OG.

This is actually something that I decided a long time ago. Salt 'N' Pepa's Greatest Hits will be played at my funeral. My cousin and my boos have already been told this. They're going to make it happen for me.

I don't know that it has yet reached my 2009 love of "Single Ladies" but for the past 6-8 weeks I have been listening and rocking out to Young Money's "Bed Rock" like it's my job.

No matter where I hear it, I can't help but sing along with "Call me Mr. Flintstone I can make yo' bed rock." If I still went to church and a car drove by bumping that song I don't know that I wouldn't break out into Nicki Minaj's rap portion and in church sing "It's time to put this pussy on your sideburns."

People watching. From the first time I was out there I had so much more fun just walking around the city, finding some park bench or seat in a coffeehouse and just watching people for hours. I'm amazed at how many different types of people there are in New York. I love hearing all the different accents, seeing the different dress styles and variety of people New York City has to offer. You can walk one city block and see a crazy homeless woman pushing a cart with a pacifier in her mouth and then further down the block see the most drop dead gorgeous looking man who should've been a model but is just randomly walking the street.

You don't get that type of variety in my little town that's over 80% Mexican.

That sign is a blasphemous. It is nothing but lies created to lure people into the town so that the townspeople can feast on unsuspected passerbyers vital organs. Don't believe the hype and stay clear. That sign is a lie!

Sadly, I'm going to work and attending several pointless meetings. I wanted to take the day off but being a Wednesday, my busiest meeting day, and the first one of the new year I decided against it. For lunch my friend who I share a birthday will be going to a new restaurant that opened up near my work. I plan on having a couple of beers and then returning to work for my afternoon meetings.