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oh no...
i was seventeen and a high school senior ten years ago. i had my sights set on new york and a boy named julian.
i listened to the esthero, the roots, d'angelo and black star religiously. i smoked copious amounts of weed (i did a lot of drugs to be quite honest. it's something i haven't fully resolved with myself). and if you told me then that i would give it up some years later, i would have thought you were insane.
i loved school. i had so much fun in class. i impressed my teachers but they worried about my well-being as they were well aware of my drug use and the start of my foray into prescription drugs.
i was steeping myself in saul williams, ursula rucker, nikki giovanni and toni morrison. i wrote prolifically. mostly poetry and some fiction. won a handful of writing contests. spent many hours after school in a corner of the poetry section of books & books.
shot lots of ilford rolls with my trusty pentax k1000, my friend gina and i were the only students given access to the school's darkroom.
i found my peace at the shore of north miami beach and i took long walks around tropical park.
i was very self-conscious, very sexually-curious, had very low self-esteem, even though that was the year my skin cleared up and guys started paying me much attention. i was hungry for that. hung around dudes that i shouldn't have been around. nearly got shot because of my recklessness. but i had these amazing adventures, still too precious to share here.
i was easy to anger, had a hard time forgiving. i wanted to fall in love but didn't know anyone that i could have that connection with. i wanted more black friends and started to build with a few black girls just before i left miami.
my eyes were wide and bright but i lacked the confidence many of my friends had. i battled with myself a lot. didn't know *how* to listen to my intuition. -
hmmm... physical feature? i think my neck, shoulder and clavicle area is pretty.
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that is sweet of you. thank you.
creative though? every time i reblog, i cringe a little. but there is so much amazingness out there to share!
i considered writing many books. i studied writing as an undergraduate and had great mentors who encouraged me and opened doors. but i wasn't ready. i have pieces of a story. i mix my genres and make a mess. my influences are sometimes too heavy and my content too light. i still need to learn and workshop and read more and live more. -
kameelah,
wow. wow. thank you. i would rather we both sit face to face, cross-legged, tea mugs at our sides and swap stories. and poems! i have gained much insight from your ideas and words and photos over the years. and i have you to thank for the motivation to just walk around with the camera ready.
much love + respect. -
*some* of my favorite books are
... zami: a new spelling of name - audre lorde
... in search of our mother's gardens - alice walker
... to be young, gifted and black - lorraine hansberry
... there are no children here - alex kotlowitz
... liliane - ntozake shange
... muse & drudge - harryette mullen
... the sweet flypaper of life - langston hughes/roy decarava
... the god of small things - arundhati roy
... good woman - lucille clifton
... the house of the spirits - isabel allende
... the white boy shuffle - paul beatty
... other people's children - lisa delpit
also, there are essays by toni morrison and james baldwin that have had a profound effect on me. and i will basically inhale anything by edwidge danticat and sonia sanchez and tell you it smells like magnolias! -
that's nice of you to say. thank you. i may or may not post a photo of myself. no promises there. i did a while ago.
i'm very much inspired by natural hairstyles but i keep my personal hairstyle the same - usually, some sort of afro, thought right now it's cornrowed to protect it from the weather.
i most love structured, angled afros (see tolula adeyemi, rose cordero, grace jones), traditional intricate cornrows and long, thick, rope-like locks (see ladene clark, queen godis) -
what i eat mostly everyday:
yogurt and fruit for breakfast. salad and sweet potato fries for lunch. but we had a "lunch and learn" meeting today, so i had a HUGE salad with tomatoes, broccoli, roasted peppers, spinach, feta and olives. when i bring salad from home it's usually walnuts, pears, goat cheese, dried cranberries and pomegranate seeds.
i haven't eaten dinner yet. if i eat breakfast and lunch, i'm not hungry enough to eat until the next morning. but i went to the gym after work today, so i want snacks. i may eat some pita chips and a whole bunch of clementines. and have a handful of dark chocolate chips before i go to sleep. -
i don't know if you can or should use your energy convincing someone of something. i think all you can do act from your belief that this mistake won't happen again. but that doesn't guarantee he will believe you. have an honest conversation with him about why you think it won't, and then be the person you say you are.
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ssshhh! :) it was. *sigh*
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(myself! but after me, there is a man.)
i want to type his name here in big bold letters. and i would if he were not a well-known activist/public speaker/dj, soon-to-be published author and very recently married. (but i know at least two people who read this blog know may who i am referring to)
we never dated. we spoke a handful of times each year. we met in 2003. he says i seduced him. i only remember dancing for hours at a party he threw, then seeing him (and i'd seen him before, but this time i *saw* him) and not really thinking about what i would say or how i would say it, but just approaching him and telling him what i wanted.
we were lovers for yeeeaaars. and i had my relationships and he had his, but during the gaps, we gravitated toward each other. and sometimes that meant a call around midnight, but more often it meant crossing paths in the park, at a cafe, at the library... seemingly random spots.
with him, i felt so sexy and gorgeous and powerful and regal and honored. like. a. queen.
the best part is that there was never any disappointment. i never sought more than what we'd created. he would tease me about making me his wife and i would remind him why, on the most fundamental level, it would never work. spiritually, he and i are on different paths.
but i am thankful for the moments we had. and i recently found out that he values those moments too.
so yeah. it's him. this man whose path i will most likely cross again. and i will meet his wife. and i'm sure she will *know* and i'll smile and hug and then i will be on my way. -
well, like always. it's only been in the last year or so that i've realized bk has always been really, really good to me, and i plan to make the most of the rest of my time here.
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my kindergarten teacher miss smith had perfect penmanship. she was nice and we sang a lot of songs. this is what led me to teaching. i had excellent teachers all throughout my schooling. really amazing, honest people guiding me and letting me make mistakes without making me feel bad about them. i wanted to be one of them.
without a doubt what i love most about teaching is talking with my students. we talk so much. we talk about whatever. i listen to their stories, they listen to mine. they are so open and it opens me up as well. i don't think they realize how insightful they are, but they do know that it's important to have a voice and for it to be heard. so i love the culture of communication, of listening and personal story-telling that i have created in my classroom. we laugh a lot. sometimes we cry. but either way, our talking has transformed the space. -
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eh, i'll keep it simple: yes and yes.
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"first love"... it's amazing how many faces flashed in front of my eyes.
my former boyfriend was my first love. his name won't be mentioned here. he's a cool guy. people really respect him. i think it's because he's confident and a great speaker. he is really funny. guarded, solitary in nature. very passionate about his politics. for better and worse, he's pretty argumentative, impulsive and he likes to tell people what to do. he's also handsome and knows the most random hip hop trivia. he's got a foul mouth, smells amazing and he can dance. he was good lover when we met, i made him great. -
love, time in front of the fireplace, bronchitis and a nasty argument with a friend.
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