The movie would be called "Dude, Where's My Future." I would be played by the grown-up baby from Juno, because I have the mannerisms of Michael Cera and the face of a fat Ellen Page. My father would be played by the love child of Ben Stein and Eugene Levy. My mother would be played by the love child of Kathy Bates and Rosie O'Donnell. My best friend Matt would be played by Clark Duke, @raptordactyl would be played by someone much prettier, kinder, and more well-loved than me, and Polk would be played by the main guy from Avatar.

It would be rated E for "Ehhh."