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All responses Most smiled responses
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Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma is an obvious (but good!) place to start. Lately I am really into the pro-fat literature, particularly Jennifer McLagan's Fat: An Appreciation of a Misunderstood Ingredient. In terms of blogs, I love this one: http://politicsoftheplate.com/
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I think this is such a hard question to answer, because I feel like I can't really know what I would do in a situation unless it were to happen to me (and I hope anything remotely resembling a "deal-breaker" never does!).
Infidelity is a biggie to me. Again, I have a hard time knowing what I would do if faced with such a situation, but it is something that we've talked about a lot, and it is something that really horrifies me--and when I say this I include emotional infidelity as much as sexual. Basically anything that could seriously break my trust like that might make me question the solidity of our relationship.
Similar, violence of any kind (not just physical, but emotional or financial or whatever) is a biggie.
I feel like a lot of the "dealbreakers" I have are no longer an issue, because G. didn't have any of them and that's why I married him. For example, and this will sound controversial, I guess, but politics are a big deal-breaker for me. I know some folks can tolerate huge political differences in their relationship, but I take my politics very personally, and they affect the choices I make in my day to day life, and I'm not sure that I could be compatible with a partner who differed hugely with me politically. I'm also not sure I would entirely respect him. G. and I have our minor political squabbles, but they're debates like "capitalism: just how rotten is it?" so we're cool. -
Oh man. I am actually the kind of nerd who does keep a running list of "best meals" in her head. I don't know what #1 is, but here are my top 5, in no particular order:
*My first trip to England when I was 18, I spent a month in Bradford (sometimes known as Bradistan, because it has such a huge Pakistani population), and befriended some Pakistani girls who cooked me and my travel mates an incredible, elaborate, spicy as hell Pakistani dinner that is, to date, the most incredible South Asian food I've ever had (I think I remember it even more happily than I do my dinner at Vij's in Vancouver, which is one of the best high end South Asian restaurants ever).
*I then went to Thailand when I was 19, and stayed at this awesome alternative school in the middle of the forest, which was organized into small homes, and each night myself and a friend were assigned to go to one of the homes for dinner. The woman who ran the house cooked us these incredible meals, which were mostly vegetarian (a feat for Thailand!) and I have never ever tasted any Thai food like it since. Oh my goodness, I can still smell it in my mind.
*This past Thanksgiving dinner. The mister and I really gave-r for that dinner, and every piece of it turned out perfect and warm and comforting and it was like the perfect holiday meal you imagine in your head. Even the turkey did not have a dry piece on it. Because G. is a genius.
*Our third anniversary at the (now defunct!!!) Aurora Bistro in Vancouver--it was this great small restaurant that did mostly local west coast kind of stuff. Pricy and refined, but still really satisfying and unfussy. This year, when we were back in B.C., I had the idea to go back there because I still remembered that dinner so fondly, and I was heartbroken to find out that it had closed. (Although I read a rumour that the folks behind it may be opening up another place, and I will definitely BE THERE should that ever happen!)
*Last year the mister and I went out for a fancy birthday dinner (our birthdays are very close together) at a local bistro that specializes in southern French food, called Le P'tit Plateau. It was BYOB, so we shared an awesome bottle of wine and feasted on the ONLY fois gras I've ever gotten excited about (I tend not to "get" fois gras), cassoulet, slow-roasted lamb with orzo and beans, and perfect profiteroles. It was amazing and we daydream about going back to that restaurant regularly.
(Oh, can I add a sixth? The time I lived in Bosnia and spring came and my friends took me to a random field and did a proper Bosnian "rostilj", aka bbq, and in the sunshine we ate 11 different kinds of meat and potatoes and garlic bread and chilled out and it ruled.)
And now, despite having had a huge dinner, I am hungry. -
asked by GoodMouseBad
I have some really menial tasks that I've been putting off--administrative type stuff--and I don't waaannaaaaa.
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Ok, so for a while I was really into this back-up plan of being a psychotherapist. Through my social work experience I learned that I really loved one on one talk stuff, and my research also involves listening to people, and I thought that if I hated academia, here would be another field where I'd be able to work mostly independently, and still do research and participate in academic-y stuff without worrying about bullshit like tenure. In my darker hours I've looked up requirements to become a licensed psychotherapist in Quebec, and that's when I realised that I will not, under any circumstances, submit myself to that many further years of schooling. No. More. School. Ah!
I've also thought about being a rabbi (same issue re: schooling), owning a cafe/small restaurant (I know this seems like a nicer idea in theory than in practice, but G.'s career goals are similar to this so I am hoping I'll get to dip my toes into this world by proxy someday), being a novelist (duh, like every other grad student), and working in non-profit management (the most likely thing I'll go into should I abandon academia). Phew. -
If you've followed my blog for a while, you may have noticed that when I first started it, I barely talked about my family issues. Slowly, though, it seeped out, partly because I felt like talking about my wedding was pointless without talking about this Thing that was so dominant in the process, and partly because as I started to thaw on these issues, I saw that there were tonnes of people out there going through similar stuff. Basically, it was one of those topics that made it "click" for me why blogging was so powerful.
Of course, as I started being more and more open about my family, I wondered about the wisdom of putting it all online. I decided to risk it, largely because my family happens to be extremely computer illiterate (with the exception of my sister, who has an even more difficult relationship to our parents than I do, so...). Like when my mom wants to download photos that friends have emailed her, she needs me or G. to sit down and save them for her onto her hard drive or USB key, even thought I've shown her at least a half a dozen times how to do it herself. So the likelihood that any members of my family that I talk about publicly would even know what a blog is, much less find mine among the millions, is pretty teeny. But I do know it's still a risk nonetheless; it's just one that I am ok with taking.
That said, I DO worry more about friends/colleagues finding it (a few have already), so there I am much more guarded. I try not to post anything about friends or work that I couldn't handle real life friends/colleagues reading. I can think of only one post that breaks that rule, and I remember leaving it hopelessly vague, such that if the people who I was talking about found it, they would likely not recognize themselves. Still, there have been a couple of times when I have freaked about things like this and made particular posts private.
I will say that writing out the issues I was having with my family when planning my wedding kept me sane. It was a really, really useful means of coping with what was a pretty lonely and stressful situation, and so I am happy that I did it. But I also felt pretty safe putting it out there, and each blogger has to weight their risks for themselves. I absolutely wouldn't write about it if I thought there was any reasonable possibility that it would be found. -
asked by GoodMouseBad
You know, I used to think it was gross, but now I think it's kind of hot. I don't know why.
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asked by petitechablis
Oh I wish this would happen to me! I wish I wish I wish.
Lately, I think the answer is that I would take G. with me to Poland. I have never been to Poland, despite my entire family being from there, and even having Polish citizenship myself. I have been putting it off for years because I know it would be an intense and emotional trip (particularly visiting concentration camps and the like) and I want to be able to go on the right terms. Namely, I want to be able to take my time, and I want to go with G., and G. alone. After my trip to Israel, I was thinking a lot about travel that is meant to connect you to your heritage, and I have been feeling really embarrassed that I have yet to make it to Poland. So it's definitely the priority in my mind right now.
If I could make a second stop, it would be Brazil! I have been obsessed with Brazil for some time now, and am DESPERATE to go. The food/history/music/people/landscape/etc. all seem amazing. Brazil to me is like everything good in the world coming together in one place. Please take me to Brazil. -
I hesitate to use the word "favourite", but the book that affected me the most and that I got the most out of would have to be _Liquidation_ by Imre Kertesz. Kertesz is a Hungarian novelist who writes fiction that is heavily influenced by his Holocaust experiences, and he is unlike any Holocaust writer I have ever read. One of the main characters in _Liquidation_ was the daughter of a survivor, and at the time that I read it, I was really only starting to explore what it meant for me to be the daughter of one. His writing is pretty brutal and uncompromising, and it has little of the saccharine that people sometimes expect from Holocaust narratives. The book got to me not only emotionally and intellectually, but even physically. (I am not sure that I'd ever had such a physical reaction to a book before, but it made me tremble.) It's hard and beautiful and brilliant and terrifying at the same time. Kertesz is not an easy read but I cannot recommend him enough.
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asked by GoodMouseBad
Good question! Like every grad student, I am constantly questioning this choice. The short answer is that I really, really love what I research. And this is the best path to take in order to be able to research it. I also love to teach, and I LOVE the idea of a job in which I am paid to learn about what I want to learn about. There is no other job like it that way. I also like that once you have a proper academic job, you don't really have a "boss" per se.
That said, I'm still not sure it's worth it. -
asked by twochicksnest
Oh this is tough. Ideally we'd stay in Montreal. For a multitude of reasons, we think this is pretty much an ideal place in which to have a family. And we love it here. But should I go on the academic job market, we know that we will have to be flexible with where we're willing to live, and we talk a lot about what our limits are in the great job vs. quality of life debate.
We'd like to stay in Canada. But even then, we're picky about where in Canada we'd be willing to live. I would say that Vancouver is my second choice, especially as I'd like to be close to one of our families, but oddly, G. is less into the idea, even though he grew up there. Vancouver just freaks me out because housing is so damn expensive. Sometimes I dream about moving to Burlington, because I really love Vermont (with the exception of how lacking in ethnic diversity it can be) and the university there would be a really good fit for what I do. But that's more of a daydream.
Really, though, I decided a while back that I would happily sacrifice career for location, within a reasonable limit. If I could get a lesser academic job in Montreal, I would 100% take it over moving elsewhere. (It helps that this is a really great city for G.'s career as well.) -
Are those your only two options? I'm not sure what I'd do in your position. We did not hire a DOC largely because we went with the VERY lazy option; our venue did 90% of the work for us. They took care of the space/lighting/sound/food (they're attached to an amazing restaurant)/booze/set-up/clean-up. We chose them largely because of this--I did not want to be an overly detail-oriented bride. There were other venues we liked a lot that were a lot more DIY, but this is really one of the biggest reasons we chose ours.
Luckily we were happy with the ethics of our choice--I don't know the specifics of how "green" they are, but it's an awesome local independently-owned restaurant that uses seasonal meat and produce and seems to run their business well. They were even happy to donate our leftovers to the homeless shelter next door, which was pretty much my top concern in terms of the ethics of the food.
Whether or not your "easier" caterer identifies themselves as "green", what do you know about their business practices? I am really skeptical of the increasing labelling of things as "green" and think it often has little substance. I think you're better off looking at the specifics of how both business operate, figuring out what your priorities are in terms of ethics (local vs. organic, for example?), and choosing from there. I would totally go for the lazier option, as long as I was ethically ok with it. -
No idea! I used to be way more into shoe shopping, but in the past few years, I have bought less and less. (Maybe I just liked the shoes more when I lived in the UK? I don't know.)
Looking at our shoe rack by the front door, I see: 1 pair of winter boots, 2 pairs of fall boots, 1 pair of wellies, 3 pairs of flats, 2 pairs of heels, and 4 pairs of sandals/flip flops (why do I still have these out in the middle of winter? I suck). In our closet I have a few more pairs of shoes that get worn less often. -
Ever since I first saw immense fields of sunflowers in the south of France, I have loved sunflowers. There is something so optimistic about them. I am also really fond of dahlias and wildflowers.
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For blogging? I just find it in whatever has been weighing on my brain at any given time; it has proven to be an amazing outlet. It also kind of blows my mind that I am still finding things to write after almost a year of blogging.
In the rest of my life, it sounds cheesy, but I find inspiration in the diverse group of people I have been lucky enough to meet and get to know in my short life. People have such incredible/rich/complex/heart-wrenching/involving stories and I want to understand them all. -
This is weirdly easy for me: Patti Smith's cover of Hendrix's "Hey Joe", which is a b-side on one of her early singles. G. bought the 9" for me for one of my first birthdays with him, and it is proudly displayed in our home. Download it. Patti Smith is a genius at covers.
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I am a hardcore, over-the-top, animal lover. So I'd say cats because that's what we have, and I love my kitties more than is reasonable, but really, I love dogs so much too (and eventually we'd like to add one to our menagerie!).
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It's going ok! I am working on the couch, with a kitten snoozing next to me, as usual. I have actually been headach-ey since yesterday afternoon, which is driving me a little bit nuts, though.
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