I just came out as transgender pretty recently, and I know I don't "pass" as a woman. If the world can't see me that way, how am I supposed to claim a female identity? If people can't tell I'm a woman, I feel weird trying to use female pronouns...
Thank you so much for taking the time to send us your question. Do feel free to ask us additional questions if you would like.
We all vary transitionally in physical presentation. Some of us transition early on in our lives and some of us choose to transition at a later stage in our lives. We all have our reasons why we choose to transition the way we do. While we often seek reflections of ourselves in other people, we are not completely happy with the reflection that we see of ourselves in the mirror.
Some people may not see you as you for now, some people may never see you as you, ever. Just because they don’t see you for who you are does not stop you from being who you are. You are a woman because you feel you are, because you know you are and because you say you are. That is the beauty of self-identification.
Passing vs. Not Passing has always been a topic of discussion in our community. But even those of us who pass are not exempt from discrimination. An example we can provide you is the need to change your documents to fit your physical presentation and gender identity which create issues far beyond physical presentation i.e. birth certificates, pass ports, state identification, like the inability to attain employment or being prevented housing among other things.
To be seen and respected as a woman, it begins with you. For anyone to see you as a woman and refer to you as such; Society learns from what they see and hear. If you refer to yourself as a woman and present yourself as a woman regularly, people will take notice. The more you do it, the more people will make the effort to see you and respect you for whom you are. For some it may take a little longer than others. For others that may not ever happen. All that matters is how you see yourself.
The good thing is that there are local ordinances here in Boston and Cambridge against trans specific discrimination should you ever find your self in that position. But we also want to acknowledge that transitioning can be challenging for some of us and ultimately drives our decisions around our transition.
We hope we were able to answer your question and please do reach out to us if you need additional assistance by emailing us, calling us or dropping by.
