A high score for the classic arcade game, Robotron.

That's all well and good, but what if I wanted to be FABULOUS!

Publish all my friend's comics (and then pay them for their work).

<Insert snotty comment about all the aweful shit being crapped out by Hollywood here>

Baby squirrels smear in rasberry sause,

Yes. I am THE ONE. I come in a pack of twelve.

I drink a lot of coffee.

Dying in my sleep seems like a great way to go. That, or I suppose I could take the Hunter S. Thompson retirement plan if the need arose. You're not asking for advice are you?

This is a really stupid question.

Yes! It's about fucking STAN LEE! This happened at the 2009 San Diego Comic Con. Stan Lee had bouncers force me to vacate a table at a bar so he and his entourage could sit there. What an asshole.

Yes and no. In my opinion, residual hauntings are probably real. Poltergeist activity is absolutely real. But I don't ascribe to the belief that post-life human intelligences are the source of such phenomena. In fact, most "ghost" activity shows absolutely NO sign of intelligence behind it human or otherwise, which leads me to believe these events are probably akin to other natural cycles we see all around us such as ocean currents. Frankly I don't believe in spirits of the dead, or any sort of post-life consciousness interacting with our world.

Zero. I don't watch television at all. Now DVDs and streaming Netflix? I watch plenty of that. But no TV. It hurts my brain.

Brain. Absolutely my brain. I'm a goddamn mentat, motherfucker! What's a mentat? Look it up!

Rabid land squid.

Our former President, George W. Bush. Because when I think of him, I think of a shit sandwich.

"Bull Fucking Shit!" by S.A.M. (Sythetic Adenadline Music).

Inside the ass of a zebra-painted donkey in Mexico.

This is not an issue I take lightly, and frankly I'm glad you brought it up. Millions of people die every year from vicious coconut attacks yet our elected officials refuse to take this threat seriously. My feeling is we must demand the systematic extermination of the entire coconut population here in the United States. Oh, sure, I know groups like Green Peace and Coconuts United are staunch coconut supporters who claim these spherical creatures are "cute" and "harmless". But does anyone truly believe that claptrap?! I mean, I'd like to see how the C.E.O. of Green Peace would react to seeing his children maliciously attacked by a swarm of rabid airborne coconuts. So I say "if you like pina coladas" then it's time for you to grab a crowbar and start doing some smashing.

I'm mildly radioactive due to an accident with a toaster in my youth.

I don't really find "celebrities" all that interesting. In fact, most should just stick to acting and keep their mouths shut the rest of the time.