... It's enough to make a dwarf wish he could enter the Fade through non-freaky means.

What, it can't be both? That's no fun.

All of them.

Oh, that's easy. Most of the eldest Hawkes are fine, upstanding citizens of loose morals when it comes to other people's torn trousers and moth eaten scarves. There's a few whose lives I'll, oh, -exaggerate- about when it comes time to publish their biographies/bodice rippers, but I won't name them here in order to protect the innocent and delicate.

Juniors tend to be moody, stubborn, slightly pathetic. Could use a kick in the pants sometimes, but they mostly have their heart in the right place. Usually. Sometimes. Once in awhile. I guess. Not a bad card player either, come to that. He'll be better once he learns to lose gracefully.

Every instance of Sunshine that I've met have all been insanely sweet ladies whodeservebettertwins cough and content lives. I mean, everybody -wants- a good life, but if the Maker had the power to give one to anyone, and bestowed that upon my most deserving self, I can't think of many better candidates.

You would have to get up pretty early to get anything past this dwarf.

Actually, might be best if you didn't go to bed at all.

You, ser, are the reincarnation of an ancient Tevinter magister who was smitten by the Maker Himself for your scandalizing habit of prancing about the populace completely naked, except for the living chicken tied around your waist, to preserve your virtue.

Don't deny it.

In another life, Hawke. Another life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1duMyKYNMnY

I couldn't say half the shit that comes out of Blondie's mouth without laughing.

Keep dreaming, Hawke.

Play

Of course not, Hawke! Still, it's not the sort of thing you go around saying about fine ladies such as yourself.

I heard from a very good source that you are one of the only four people in Thedas who is still in possession of all your natural teeth.

Very impressive, Warden!

You are assuming I have any.

[Nooo problem] The enchantment kid? Of course I know him!

It's still natural.

Neither do I! I'm glad we can be mentally addled together, Hawke. Friendship is what counts.

... Mmmmmaybe. I hear there's quite the line to see him though, on account of there being so much demand and so little of him.

Except where it counts, if you get my meaning.

Little too late for that, Hawke. If it makes you feel better, I won't say anything about the other thing you keep in the other place we don't talk about except on sunny days.

Do you mean "dwarves couldn't be mages"? There's nothing magical about my chest hair, I'm just naturally beautiful.

I'm not blind, ser. I see you using your ... hair magic.

I don't judge, my dear.

Absolutely, First Enchanter. For the record, I think it's very selfless of you, damning yourself to a hairline that recedes more and more every day, for the sake of your lovely wife.

Oh, -opinions-. No one cares about opinions.

Let's change the game a little. I'll just list little known facts which are absolutely true and were all extensively researched. And it's me saying it, so you know it's true.

... Just for reference, I'm a little drunk, so if I forget anyone, feel free to ask me about, uh, you. I don't even know if I can fit all my vast wisdom on this thing.

@SerCullen The soppy templar. Wets his pants at night and crushes on every female mage he sees.

@Fem_Tabris The good Warden has a raging crush on the Arishok. You know what they say about qunari with big horns...

@Maidievh_Hawke The lady Hawke wears a wig made entirely of the First Enchanter's hair.

@JosieTaxspawn This little sweetheart stole my heart and keeps it in a little basket so I can live forever.

@LovelyLaica Ah, the princess. Talks to herself when no one's looking.

@SheyHawke Hah, poor Hawke. Has problems with earwax buildup because of all the bees she keeps in her head.

@Stray_Apostate That perpetually angry apostate? Turns into a man every full moon, and has fathered half the Free Marches.

@KirkwallAnders -Only- ever wears secondhand underwear!

@Renegade_Anders ... ... *dissolves into a laughing fit, choking something about miscolored genitalia*

@CarverHawke Ahaaaa, Junior. Locks himself in closets and dressers so he can eat lotion in secret.

@IsabelaPirate Rivaini? She secretly aspires to be a certified personal accountant. She sobbed this into my chest one night after I beat her at cards.

@Nathaniel_Howe I hear there's a dancer in Denerim that looks juuuust like him... You know. Silk scarves and melted wax. Classy stuff.

@Damien_Dimitrov Likes goats. -Really- likes goats. All about goats, that man.