Hey! What's up?
Most Smiled Responses
Burned some kinky saddle Twilight was saving for someone.
Most likely Big McIntosh.
Whether she was gonna wear it or he was I'm not sure and I don't care.
[insert joke about SPIKE IS TINY HE'LL GET LOST IN HER CLEAVAGE HAHA TITS TITS TITS]
[really Draco get a fucking grip and go take a cold shower]
[The order of Spike reactions...]
Oh no! D:
... Huh? :o
Awww come on Princess! D:<
[utilizes several disguises revolving around large mustaches]
[Spike is intercepted in the middle of sending a question about his sneaking in and turns in a can't enjoy sandwich pose.]
Hiya Twilight! Man, this house is lookin' good! I guess you don't need my help after all bye!
[turns to skedaddle]
[it bounces off your head from offscreen and you recoil back for an instant like Malo]
[Spike looks up]
[raises an eyebrow]
[glances at Fluttershy flying in the distance looking concerned]
[shrugs and goes back to reading questionable material]
My Little Brony.
The short one with the mohawk always gets the short end of the stick, which is great 'cause I hate that guy.
Rarity... Are these guys cousins of yours?
[cue epic fantasy where Spike gives his life to save universe]
GO! LIVE THE LIFE THAT I SADLY CANNOT...
[and also Rarity but she's losing priority after that whole "go away Spike I've got WORK TO DO." thing *raspberry*]
Probably "Don't be ridiculous Twilight I can eat this in one bite."
[And there it is.]
[The perfect vessel. Modest, but beautiful. Sleek and unassuming. It knows its splendor and needs not to brag.]
[The old woman tending the shop claims it is blessed. She demonstrates that the vessel can never break no matter how clumsy the oaf carrying it. Good. This oaf is pretty damn clumsy.]
[It costs about 42 bits which with the taxes these days is exactly 100 bits. Truly this is fate.]
[There is an exchange of goods. The knight-errant hauls the bounty homeward.]
[There's that bandit again. The knight-errant has no hands free for a stone this time.]
[He throws the vessel at him.]
[CONK! The bandit is out cold again.]
[The knight-errant takes the vessel, kisses it, and continues on his way.]
[Behind him, an awakening bandit considers changing his line of work.]
Scowl at Twilight who woke up first and smacked me on the head because I was snoring.
I know! >:]
[taps buttons on phone]
Hey Tails. This is Spike. No no shut up I have to tell you someth --
That's terrible. Sonic's a jerk.
Yeah that sucks, anyway just asking, how many Chaos Emeralds do you have right now?
What? FORTY? There're only seven.
Oh. Right, /Archie/. Whatever, look, are any of them... eeeh... white? Clearish?
Well okay, but, if you see a scrawny pony all in black with a giant red mullet, she's gonna steal one of the clear white ones.
I'm sorry Wave treats you that way.
I'm just gonna hang up now.
No! No I didn't!
Okay yes I probably did but I refused to accept it as a scientific possib --
... Oh no.
Oh no I'm turning into Twilight.
And just like Twilight I'm gonna be alone forever because every chance I get I freak out and pretend it isn't happening.
Although this is only the first chance. Maybe I'll get another chance.
With someone less terrifying and grumpy.
[covers your eyes]
Ahaha! Silly Twilight! It's nothing! Nothing to worry about! Now you just go. Over here. And read those books you like!
[steers you somewhere and shoves a book upside down into your hooves]
Since we don't have a lot of dragon stuff I found this on eNeigh and don't worry! I used my allowance!
["Of thy Hybittes ynd Partyculyrityes yf Alle Drygnse"]
[That's a bit outdatedWOW THAT'S AN OLD BOOK.]
Yeah it's ancient! You like ancient! Right Twilight??? Yes you do, yes you do! I'll just. Be outside not talking to Apple Bloom about an evil book that ruined our lives while wearing a full hazard suit you have fun bye!
[tweens offscreen in said suit]
Spike Handsome Sparkle’s Bio
Book and Branches, Ponyville, Equestria
HellOOO ladies. Look at your man. Now look at me. Now back to your man, now back to me. Sadly, he is --
... Okay fine I'm a tall, stately, handsome assistant treebrarian.