Meanwhile, as I attempt to take a chemistry exam on the chemistry department's website and the school's pop-up blocker insists its a virus.....

You answered "yes" to 221 of 500 questions, making you 55.8% nerd pure; that is, you are 55.8% pure in the nerd domain (you have 44.2% nerd in you).
According to the scoring guide, your nerd experience level is: You refuse to live anywhere without pizza delivery
Your Weirdness Factor (AKA Uniqueness Factor) is 20%, based on a comparison of your test results with 52554 other submissions for this test.

The average purity for this test is 63.4%.
The first submission for this test was received March 4, 1996.

Oh, take that @misterwiseguy7. I win.