Death. Hands down. The idea of not existing anymore terrifies the fuck out of me.

Is this a trick question? :3

If Carl Sagan were still alive, I'd totally just want to sit down with him and talk. About whatever. I'm sure it'd be amazing no matter what.

One time, while walking down the Las Vegas strip, one of the strip club flier guys called out to me, "Yo, Big Meat! Let me hook you up with a piece!"

Sí.

The Internet.

Bacon pot pie.

Cairo, Egypt.

I mostly brofist.

FC was good. With a handful of exceptions, literally everything else could have gone better.

I'd want to be a keytar wizard.

Does Chester Ringtail count as a celebrity?

The hagfish, far and away the most revolting animal on earth.

That depends entirely on where the news is coming from.

Rods of pure platinum.

I learned that skunks are amazing and that I'm really good at being one. Also that black-and-white is an awesome color scheme.

I would cancel "America Live with Megyn Kelly" and bring back the pure awesomness that was "Journeyman."

For legendary coolness factor, I'd want a lightsaber, but for sheer utility, I'd be better off with a sonic screwdriver, since it can apparently do almost anything.

Becoming a published author. Sure, I'm not exactly on the New York Times Bestseller List, but I never thought I'd have people handing me physical copies of books I wrote and asking me to sign them. It's still kind of a surreal experience.

I'm all about pictures of characters with alternate versions of themselves. (I kinda need to get some for myself, actually.)