When I stand alone in a room full of short angry midgets, yes, I feel awkward. Thank you for letting me get that out.

Yes. My phone is better than yours.

My own music. Fuck you, modesty.

The Galaxy has no power? Better get ready for Armageddon.

The Galaxy has no power? Better get ready for Armageddon.

My depression is an angry wrestler, holding me in a half-nelson of despair and sadness, pinning me under a 1-2-3 count of hopelessness. Bring on the mood pills.

Angry. SO ANGRY. Except now I'm hungry, too. Will resume anger once fed.

Who doesn't?!

One day I sunk 16 of 20 shots on the court, all long 2-pointers. I'M THE NEW RAY ALLEN!

Being the CEO of women. Their job is to have sex with me and do the things I don't like to do, like give birth, clean, and tape Big Bang Theory when I'm busy working out.

Water, apples, meat, muscle milk, and rum. Feel free to replace the last one with vodka, whiskey, or gin. Or hell just add them all.

Well, it's Thursday. So my weekend is really confusing so far.

I only write down the names of people I need to kill.

Amazing sex. Js

Nothing, since the only thing a 25 year old guy can actually tell his 16 year old daughter is, 'sorry, I was just a really horny nine year-old'.

...? He's obviously quite real.

Absolutely. Great ass.

Launched nukes on France.

Duh. I'm a writer, bloke.

Younger. Like a 50's Brando... >.<