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To say I was like any animal, would be to squish every member of a species into one smidgen of a cliche.
So.
Mmm.
A young Errol (from Harry Potter). -
Yes I would! If they didn't want to be unschooled, I wouldn't force it on them, but until asked to take another route, that's the path follow.
Unschooling, for me, was an extremely liberating, enjoyable, fantastical experience, that I wouldn't deny from anyone I loved. -
Mmm... (the yummy kind of mmm).
The compliments that have made me feel the most sunshiny were from Rachel and Cailin. They both had to do with living in the moment/ focusing my energy on whoever I'm with. These compliments stand out, because they were complimenting a quality I wish I possessed, but often get lost in the hustle and bustle.
ALSO.
Sometimes "you look really beautiful" knocks my socks off. -
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THIS QUESTIONS is more complicated to answer than you might have envisioned.
Okay.
Ideally, if I'm sad, I allow it.
Ideally, if I'm mad about something that is truly horrible, or offensive to me, I allow it.
The term "cheering up" has quite a bit of connotation with me. The word invites the idea of "making things better." Sadness doesn't crop up for kicks. It deserves some time.
Some back story. For a lot of my life, my core default feeling has been cheerful. If I feel I'm supposed to seem cheerful for some occasion, or I've been sad enough and I don't want to deal with the reality of the situation anymore, I would breathe, and relocate my cheeriness.
In the times of my life were my core default feeling has shifted, there is often nothing I can do but temporarily pretend, which usually makes me feel worse.
*Note, the relocation of my cheeriness is maybe more what you meant for me to respond about. If so, let me know.
(Sneak peak into relocation: I think about how tiny and insignificant I am, I stare at the stars, I sing along with the wind (for real) and I...) -
As I said to you over the phone, I love that her presence, and that she makes you think of me, make you happy. I love it a lot.
I will probably not come visit soon.
I'm sorry.
There is some version of soon, in which I will come visit you.
I love you. -
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Hmm.
I met you at your birthday party last year.
Feelings... Impressions.
Some of what is to follow in my words is based off of weak memories, and guess work.
I imagine I felt some sort of jealousy pangs. As we have discussed, I actively chose not to be jealous of you, for the sake of all goodness. I think it was when we went back to find a piece of jewelry that I knew I could find a really good opportunity to pass up feeling jealous, in you.
Once that little business faded into other reactions, I imagine I would have felt a little in love with you. Not connected though. It took some time, and long conversations, a nuzzles to begin to trust that maybe you really liked being with me. You seemed a little distant behind your desire to connect, at first.
Feel free to use any of our many ways to connect if you feel disapointed with this answer, and/or would like to say anything about it.
<3 -
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YES. It's weird that I haven't.
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Hm. hah.
There are definitely people I like less than others.
When people bump me and don't say they're sorry, I get very annoyed. Possibly disproportionately so.
When people are disrespectful I like them less.
When people are very loud, and I'm feeling very quite, I become grumpy, and prone to dislike.
When people murder, abuse, torture, accept inequality or hate without provocation, I tend to feel very negative about them.
When people litter, smoke indoors, or are careless with others hearts, I tend not to respect them.
I don't like when people hurt each other without remorse. People though, are intricate little creatures. To dislike an entire person (not just some of their actions) is to ignore some side of who they are, or where they're coming from. I have done this, but I try not to, too often. Most people I've disliked are people I don't know; it's easier to pretend someone is only evil, when I know nothing of them but what's made them infamous. In addition to criminals and tyrants, I've disliked most of my family at some point. As a child it was harder to see the dimensions and motives of people, therefore, it was easy to see only an "evil" action when looking at one of my family members.
Overall, I often dislike people for a moment, but I hardly ever let the emotion stick around. -
Hm.
Well.
The silliness in my life mostly all comes back to my belief (which I try to maintain) that it's incredibly silly that we (humans) exists. I remind myself of this by;
*noticing all the absurdity in things I stress over
*thinking of how unlikely it is that I exists as I am
*thinking of myself as equivalent in importance to a pipe cleaner, shaped into a stick figure
*taking time to do something that would be considered entirely useless, just to show myself that it's about as useless as all the other things I do.
ALSO.
If you want more silliness in your life, I'd recommend considering making friends with Kayla. She's the funniest person I know. -
OKAY SO. In order to answer this question well I went back through my journals and tried to get some idea of who I was a year ago, how I've changed, what I've figured out, etc. Yet alas, this questions remains quite difficult to answer.
Realizations are never sudden. Or, not for me. There are moments in which I announce something I've figured out, or have come to believe, and they often carry the illusion of being fresh ideas, but they never are.
There are however a couple of things, or ideas, that have been prominent in my life in this past year. They are
-the idea that I'm allowed to feel and act absolutely any way, and that I'm allowed to not feel or act any way I'd like. This is regardless of how I perceive people to wish I was acting or feeling.
-in addition I've realized that I can be ANYTHING I want. Or more specifically the word "anything" has grown to encompass more than it has previously. -
hehe
ehem
*being bumped without an apology
*advertising that has a c switched with a k
*the idea that I'll never get to be entirely and consistently with people who want to be where they are, doing what they're doing
*feeling unintelligent (especially in games where I have to get your partner to guess something)
*lying, or not telling the whole truth about anything that matters to me at all
*getting less than eight hours of sleep for any non-delightful reason
*feeling too shy to talk to intimidatingly awesome people (this one is only mildly distressing)
*spending too much time in the city/ being away from nature for too long
*seeing anyone I've lost closeness to, being close with someone else (this causes a melancholic distress, with a touch joy, generally)
*my room being as messy and cluttered as it is (which is why I'm cleaning it today!)
*confrontation or dislike between my family members
*loosing anything I've borrowed
*not getting any time alone, or in peace -
I am completely prepared to love you Darla darling.
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I don't know.
Shoulds and shouldn'ts are beyond me.
I like talking to you, and I think I'll make an effort not to go another two years before it happens again. -
It is very soft, but, so is the rest of me.
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Nikiah
Nikiah’s Bio
Some Nikiah facts:
1. Her nose is extremely squishy.
That's all she knows for sure right now.
