Ask me anything
I let myself quite down for a moment, and remember recent times I fully felt the love of those who loved me. Or, really, maybe I don't think. Maybe I don't remember. Maybe I just sit and notice how my soul (that's what I call the area just deep and inferior to my sternum) feels. No matter if I'm sad or upset or joyful or sleepy, my souls feels whole, hopefully. Occasionally it doesn't. Occasionally my soul forgets I'm loved. At that point, I usually need back up.
In general, texting and phone calls when my soul forgets I'm loved are NOT helpful, but I Think they will be, and I end up feeling worse. Occasionally they're helpful but if I can get to someone I love at all that loves me at all that's always a better option.
Or, I can do yoga and let my franticness ebb away. This tactic is new for me, but so far it's been life changing and amazing.
Literally EVERYBODY else? People you trust? Your friends? His friends? His parents? Try super hard to be as objective as possible. Is he mean or annoying enough that you would feel embarrassed to be associated with him? Would he be mean to you? Would he be mean to or about people you love?
If the answer to three or more of these is yes, you're going to have to try really hard to not try and get him back, no matter how much you want it. Getting back together is not the right decision. Two or one yeses: proceed with extreme caution.
Would you want to effected by his outlook on life? Would he support you in creating a healthy and happy life for yourself?
If the answer to either of these is no, count them as a yes in your previous calculations.
First and foremost: do not push your cuddles onto someone who doesn't want them.
Second, smell good.
Third, if you're uncomfortable change your position.
Fourth, if they look uncomfortable, they probably are.
Fifth, trust them. If they say they're comfortable, then let them be (as long as their comfort isn't taking yours away).
Sixth, don't be creepy (at all sexual with someone who you're not positive wants to cuddle like that).
Seventh, if you want to cuddle someone who isn't always good about expressing their discomfort and/or the fact that they don't want to cuddle, trust your intuition. Do NOT cuddle for your sake alone. It has got to be about both of you.
Eighth (eighth is a weird looking word) if someone wants to stop cuddling, stop cuddling. Don't be complainy, and don't make it hard for them to leave.
Erm. I think those are the main ones. I'm sorry some of the people you want to cuddle with don't want to cuddle with you.
I'm going to make the assumption that the two people did not have children with each other, rather that they had the children with exes of sorts.
There are tons of factors, I'll address a couple of the one's I have any understanding of.
My first experience of a parent falling in love with someone other than my other parent was very traumatizing for me. I believe the degree of negative feeling I experienced was brought on largely because up until that point, I had expected my parents to re-realize they were in love. Up until the moment my dad told me he loved someone else, only my parents had been divorced. After he started to create a new life with a new partner, our whole family divorced.
I should note here, that my father had absolutely zero intentions of separating his life from mine, or from anyone in our family. The thing about love, especially new exciting love, is that it is very distracting. In my world, I was supposed to be the most important thing in my father's world, and all of a sudden I felt very much ignored and unloved. I was not welcome into his new world, though I later learned he very much wanted me to be a part of it. I didn't know what to make of his new love. All I knew was that (in my opinion) it made him act rash (talking about marriage within weeks) like a "stupid teenager" (quoted from an old journal) and generally not the strong, reliable and trustworthy father I loved.
When you have children; when you get pregnant or get somebody else pregnant, and chose not to have an abortion, their (the child's) life has to become your first priority. Supporting your child in becoming a happy healthy human, and helping them not experience excess pain is now your main purpose in life. You cannot approach love how you did before you had this new top priority. The most important thing in the world is to keep communication between the two of you (you and your child) open. You have to be as trusting as you possibly can be. You have to listen as often and as well as you possibly can. You have to think of them every step of the way.
This is not to say that you should avoid love. Though your child has to be your first priority, you have to be your second. You deserve to live a joyful and full life. Go forth and fall in love, but don't let your joy blind you from what your child is experiencing, and don't undermine that experience.
After years of needing to be allowed to be as little a part of my father's world as I wanted to be I reconnected with both him and my step mom. I get along with both of them very well. To get to this point, however, my dad had to spend years without any communication with three of the people he cares most about, and I had to spend years without the wonderful dad I have now.
On the other side of life, my mother has been a part of a couple romantic relationships since my parents divorce, and I they never caused the same anguish. Perhaps it was because my family had already broken. I lost nothing to y moms partners. There were times now and then when I felt she prioritized some other relationship over ours, but in general she did a good job keeping me at the top of her list.
So, there are a few very specific to my life remarks.
This situation brings me delight.
Nope. No happy place. When I was "little" (meaning between... maybe 12 and 17) I would focus on my core- which was quite a happy place. My core was permanently optimistic and joyful. It isn'y anymore, but that's okay.
Not actively. I have a few times in my life.
Harry Potter ponders possible answers to that questions in Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality- a wonderful fan fiction I highly recommend to those who enjoy rationality out there.
I guess you should work on inventing/finding really "green," efficient, renewable energy, and put it into your other great invention- public space transportation.
It depends why you are "not allowed" to cuddle with them. I would say there are a few primary reasons with many sub categories. 1. The person you want to cuddle with doesn't want to cuddle with you. 2. Someone you care about doesn't want you to cuddle with the person you want to cuddle. 3. you literally can not.
Sub categories of #1 might be:
You're smelly, you broke their heart, they broke your heart and feel bad about/don't want to be around you/don't like you, they don't like you for other reasons or you don't know how to cuddle (you're not good at communicating when you're uncomfortable/ you get offended if they shift, talk about discomfort).
So, plan A, find someone else to cuddle, someone who likes how you smell, is willing to cuddle you into knowing how to cuddle well and likes you a lot.
Perhaps, if you really feel it is important to cuddle this very person you should try to smell more delicious and try to loosen up in your cuddling. If the problem is the whole ex, there not comfortable with you thing, I'm sorry. Probably the best thing to do is cuddle with other people and cry a lot.
#2, people who might care:
Your parents, your friends, your siblings, your significant other.
Your parents: rebel! Unless they're totally right on this one and you know it.
Your friends: same as above!
Significant: Well, here's some things to consider: Is there any chance you want to cuddle this person to push your sig away? Don't do that. Break up first. Does your sig not actually mind and you're making up that they do? Do you wish your relationship was more open, or in any other way different than your partner wants your relationship to be? You'll probably have to break up if that's the case. Are you going to resent your partner if they don't let you cuddle this person? You're going to have to let go of something here. Maybe it's the cuddling, maybe it's the partner, maybe it's the resentment. Some of those things will get to win, and others will lose. Sorry buddy.
a. You can't move your body and can't express to other that you wish to be cuddles.
b. other equally heart breaking scenarios.
I am so, so sorry.
I can't proof read this. Too many words for me right now. How did all those words happen? there are probably so many more hidden somewhere...
I do not believe in Hell. There is no way anyone could ever deserve eternal damnation.
I think sex is (ideally) an expression of love. Undeniably there are a lot more complications with sex than there are with kissing, holding hands, extended eye contact, surprise picnics, etc., which makes the decision to have sex a much more involved decision. However, I don't think married people are inherently more (or less) prepared to make that decision than any other two (or more I suppose) people who want to express love to each other.
I'm against sex before consideration of all risk involved. I'm against sex before emotional readiness. I'm against forced sex. However, I think sheltering from sex, pressure and shame around sex, and getting married so that your parents and god will let you have sex are all serious problems that can cause as much or more emotional damage as having sex before you're ready.
I think it's important to have consistent, loving parents that were more than ready and prepared to welcome you to this crazy world. So, I think it's very irresponsible to have unprotected sex before marriage, or even after marriage if you're not ready to become a parent. I also think it's important for you and your partner to know whether or not you would have an abortion if your protection failed. That's a discussion that should happen before it becomes a reality.
Those are my thoughts for now, though if you have any further questions on my thoughts on sex, I'm a fan of the subject and would gladly say more.
I like you so much.
If I were to get married it would be because I'd decided that I want to live my life with a team mate. Just like any team mate, Id probably have a crush on him sometimes, I'd probably be mad at him sometimes, I'd probably be disappointed in him sometimes, but we would have a commitment to each other to always work together through whatever feelings pervaded. I would get married if I wanted a helper in life- a supporter, comforter, who was consistently there for me. If, and only if, I felt that I could commit to giving him the same support and comfort- if I could commit to having all decision be co-decision. Additionally, getting married would be an act of acceptance of the idea that I am loved, and that I love. It would represent my decision to prioritize another as I prioritize myself.
Yes, if I have kids of my own (birthed or adopted by me) I would want to have a partner as committed to me as a married partner, or more so, perhaps.
Wake up in a bright and clean room early in the morning.
Cuddle with my loved one and soak up how lucky I am.
Get up, check on the goat (or cow) and maybe feed the chickens and the dog.
Make breakfast and leave some for me loved one.
Smile and wave to my sister who is gardening with a little baby eating rich nutritious dirt by her side. She'll give me some smoothie she made and I'll give her and her baby some eggs.
I'll do a little cleaning and refill my sisters water bottle. Perhaps I'll help in the garden for a bit.
Next my love and I will get in our air powered car and drive to work.
There I will be intellectually stimulated. I will solve many puzzles and feel very helpful and useful.
When lunch comes I will eat my delicious lunch in the sunlight, and then I will go back to work.
When work is over my love will pick me up and we will go home.
We will go to the common area and Sister and Jonathan R. and baby and loved one and I will eat a yummy dinner that mostly sister made, but we all helped as much as we could when we got home.
Then perhaps we'll sit around and chit chat or play a game for a bit.
Then my loved one and I will go home and cuddle and discuss life the universe and everything a bit more.
Soon I will fall asleep, and if I wake up in the night I will see my loved one and cuddle into him and all will be peaceful.
At the end of my life I would like to feel peaceful. I would like to have loved the most I can and given whenever and whatever I could. I would like to know I listened as well as possible and cared with my whole being.
I have very few thoughts and similar amounts of feelings about cannabis. Probably less than most people. I learned a little about it in The Botany of Desire, and that was interesting. I'm not super into things that damage body parts, so I'm not pro smoking marijuana. However, I always have the feeling that if I researched legalizing marijuana I would be pro legalization. That could be, however, because I am of the belief that making anything illegal that hurts only your own body and not the body or spirits of others is ridiculous. It could be argued of course that hurting yourself does hurt others, but I tend not to go there.
This question was asked years ago. It is part of the reason I stopped checking formspring, I think. There is so much I admire in Jonathan, and have always admired in Jonathan, that it felt impossibly hard to answer this question.
Jonathan is separate from so much that so many think is all that matters in the world. Yet, he is more a part of everything than I knew a person could be.
I think honesty is interesting. I think love is interesting. I think joy matters. I like the sound of rain. I like softness. I like sincerity. I like lists and graphs on emotional matters. I like equations and puzzles. I like being alone together.