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All responses Most smiled responses
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I haven't closed it down... but have lost some steam. Openly Feminist is a lot more work than How to Marry a Bulgarian... It requires a lot of research and planning even if the conversational tone of the blog suggests otherwise. But I do miss it and hope to return to it soon. I'm trying to figure out how to juggle a full-time job, freelance writing assignments and two blogs.... so far, I've been largely unsuccessful in figuring out how to do it. I would love to chat with you about Openly Feminist... whoever you are, find me on gtalk: petya.kirilova@gmail.com :))
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I took a year off between college and grad-school. I needed a break before going back to school and I'm very happy I took the time to think about what I wanted to do and where. In that year, I worked for a great non-profit in Sofia, made a lot of friends and ended up dating a Bulgarian guy. I was NOT happy to be going back to the States but I had been accepted to grad-school and thought it would be silly not to go.
I am VERY glad I did. Graduate school was a humbling but ultimately very rewarding experience. I got a Master's degree in Political Science from Penn State. It was at Penn State that I met Kyle who is now my husband. (I will skip the story of my break-up with my Bulgarian boyfriend. Let me just say that it wasn't pretty and it was one of the hardest periods of my life).
I returned to Bulgaria after I was finished with my MA for one reason only: I was homesick. I was tired of going back and forth. I was tired of living parallel lives. I couldn't do it anymore. I made that decision without Kyle. He said he would come visit me in Bulgaria but I didn't think he would.
But he did. At the time, he was already done with his coursework and was writing his dissertation. He came to visit, loved Bulgaria, we got engaged and he soon after moved to Sofia. We stayed for a little over 2 years and had a great life there. I think it was GREAT for our marriage. He now speaks (some) Bulgarian, knows my family and friends very well. I think I make a lot more sense to him now.
We moved back to The States not because we didn't like Bulgaria but because he is a college professor and there were absolutely no real job prospects for him in Bulgaria. We thought it would be a lot easier for me to find work that I love in the States than for him to do what HE loves in Bulgaria.
All this back and forth has taught me that as long as I think of my "Bulgarian" life and my "American" life as two separate things, I can't be happy. Being married to Kyle and living in Bulgaria with him was a great learning experience... I was forced to integrate various parts of myself in a way that really make sense now and did not in the past. -
Young Bulgarians who are well educated have a very different experience than those who are not. Also, people who have gone to school and/or worked abroad are in an even better position to get a good job, do interesting work in Bulgaria.
I have lived in Bulgaria twice since I originally left for the States: once after college and once with my husband while he was working on his dissertation. Both times were great. Because of Kyle's job (he's in academia), moving back is not a real option for us right now. I would love to have a job that would allow me to work from home and thus be able to spend summers in Bulgaria. -
Yes. We do want to have children, just not yet. Not sure about the names. Kyle loves Bulgarian names so maybe we would pick something Bulgarian but easy to pronounce in English.
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This is a question that has come up many times before. It's a BIG question, especially for expat spouses, I think. It's not always easy to be the "trailing" one. Here're some more of my thoughts on this from a couple of months ago: http://www.howtomarryabulgarian.com/2009/08/my-spouses-friends.html
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I don't know much about this but I have an idea. Contact Berlitz, it's a foreign languages school that offers immersion classes. If they don't need teachers, they might be able to point you in the right direction. Also, you can search for other ESL teachers in Bulgaria online (both for standard of living/professional questions). You'd be surprised how many have blogs. I'll put together a list for you soon.
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Ouch. This is a tough one. I've been in three serious long distance relationships in my life. One ended sadly, one ended horribly, and one ended in marriage. Long distance relationships are not necessarily difficult but I think they tend to exacerbate whatever underlying issues there were in the relationship already. I wouldn't stay away from being in a relationship with someone I truly love simply because they live far from me but I would expect to work extra hard at it.
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I dislike Bulgarian cynicism. I think that more often than not Bulgarians are unnecessarily pessimistic. I don't think that there's absolutely no ground for it but I think we push it to an extreme. I know I do and I am working on getting over it.
What I really like about Bulgarians is our complete disregard for personal space: we are nosy neighbors, tell people how to raise the children, take a lot of group trips, talk to our parents several times a week, show up uninvited, pick fruit off any tree that's within our reach. When I am in Bulgaria, I feel very connected. I love that.
I don't know if I am a typical Bulgarian. What I like about myself the most is that who I am has been influenced by two cultures that I like. -
Probably not. Kyle love his work and, let's be realistic, Bulgaria is not exactly on the world philosophy map. We do plan to spend as much time in Bulgaria as we can. We get along very well with my parents and miss them tremendously.
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Not so much. We eat at home 5 days of the week and there are plenty of good grocery stores to shop for veggie stuff (I mention that because when we lived in State College, that was NOT the case). When we go out to eat, we have plenty of options... not as many as bigger cities have to offer, of course, but still a lot to choose from.
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Да, чета. Харесвам съвременна американска литература и особно много обичам да чета имигрантски истории. Последната книга, която прочетох е Holidays on Ice на Дейвид Седарис, приключих я преди около седмица. В момента чета The Lazarus Project на босненския писател Александар Хемон (той в момента живее в Чикаго). Имам акаунт в GoodReads: http://goodreads.com/petya и там добавям книгите, които прочитам и онези, които бих искала да прочета. МНОГО готин сайт!
In English:
Do you read books, if so which was the last book you read and how long ago did you read it?
Yes, I do read books. I like contemporary American fiction and I especially love stories of immigration and expatriation. The last book I read was Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris, I finished it about a week ago. I am now reading "The Lazarus Project" by Aleksandar Hemon. He's a Bosnian writer now living in Chicago. I have an account in GoodReads: http://goodreads.com/petya where I keep track of the books I've read and list books I'd like to read in the future. -
That's so sweet! It's not hard to be awesome on the internet. What's hard is to be awesome to the ones you love the most.
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Hey! Congratulations on your marriage! Do you guys want to be interviewed for the Life in the Trenches series?
Advice... god... I don't know. Of course it depends on where your man's from, how he's raised, etc. If I do have to give advice, though, it'd be to be aware that Bulgarians are both very progressive and very conservative about gender roles. In general, Bulgarians are 100% comfortable with the idea of women working, getting education, having opinions, etc. but at the same time, we seem to be very set in our ideas about what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. Bulgarian women end up carrying the burden of house-work and childcare, men are expected to be Head-of-Family. Big time. Kyle noticed that a lot when we were living in Bulgaria and had a hard time with it. So do I, especially because even though I identify as a feminist, I often catch myself saying/doing sexist things; having unfair expectations of my husband (to be the handyman of the house, know about cars, etc.) :)
All that being said, I think all of the above happens more due to inertia than anything else. Just be aware of it, think about it, talk about it, deal with it. No biggie. -
I switch back and forth. When I'm in Bulgaria, I nod the Bulgarian way and when I'm in the States, I nod "American". The first couple of days in a country are, of course, confusing. Kyle is the same way.
I never thought that this nodding business was that big a deal UNTIL...
A couple of years ago, our Philosophy professor from grad school and his wife came to Sofia for a conference. We took them out to brunch at Brasserie (BEST.PLACE.EVAH)and ordered food and drinks. At some point, our friend gestured for another glass of wine and the server, of course, nodded "SURE". Our friends jaw just DROPPED. "What?! Did she just CUT ME OFF?!" It took a minute for everyone to realize what had happened and we all laughed about it for hours that day! Now, we never miss an opportunity to tell the story! -
Thank you for asking the first question!
I don't remember reflecting upon my Bulgarianness while I lived in Bulgaria. I wasn't embarrassed, I never minded being Bulgarian. I just never thought about it.
The only time when I did feel especially Bulgarian while IN Bulgaria was when Kyle moved to Sofia back in 2006. Being around him made me hyper-aware of silly Bulgarian things: our relationship to public space, eating fruit off random trees on the street, traveling in groups, taking forever to make simple points, never smiling in pictures... -
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Making Kyle laugh, drinking coffee with my sister, meeting people who GET IT.
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Petya Kirilova-Grady’s Bio
Reader. Writer. Beginner bird-watcher.
