fuck you

If you had said "get your dick sucked every morning by a different 16-year old catholic virgin school-girl" then we would have a real question here. Because, if I am honest, I'm pretty sure the whole pornstar every morning thing is going to happen for me anyway.

And elaborate on "nobody ever found out". If I solved the Middle East peace crisis, I would make sure EVERYBODY found out. Which would result in a load of dick sucking anyway, I'm sure.

The only thing that sways my opinion a bit is that my one ex-girlfriend told me that my "semen could cure the world of all its problems". She loved the stuff, and maybe she was right? Maybe I should just ejaculate all over everything and cure cancer? Then again, my semen has generally been quite a problematic substance for me (and she was a little bit insane) so I wouldn't count on it.

Look, I know sometimes I come across as some sort of a hyper-sex sex-sex who lives to cum, but this is only half true. I mean, what kind of an asshole do you think I am? I wouldn't enjoy my morning blow-jobs if I knew it was at the cost of people's lives. You see? I'm super selfless. I deserve an award.

In hindsight, this answer was really boring, please don't read it. Ha, see what I did there? You already read it! Schmucks.