Oh I think I'd probably go for a good old fashioned green one. Vwooom, vwoom.

In the next ten years, I anticipate that the world atlas will minorly (but visibly) alter at least twice, wireless electricity will become more prevalent, the DVD format will be overtaken by newer formats, the CD will be practically obsolete, cars will have to include digital radio as standard, hydrogen fuel cells will become more common, and some sort of Wi-Fi or 4G/5G-based televisions will start to become take off. I'll stop there for now.

Who's to say you can't form a big picture out of little details, hmm?

I suppose this is one of those questions where I should provide a small glimpse into my closely guarded family life, and perhaps imply that I do occasionally possess what humanity would term "feelings". Okay. Why not. Let's see. Like many humans, I have two sets of grandparents. Unfortunately, as of 2009, both my grandfathers are now deceased. One set of grandparents, I have seen distinctly less and less of over the years, to the point where I now only see that grandmother a couple of times a year. My grandfather on that side of the family was a rather well-travelled man who I wish I'd known better - he served in the RAF, spent his retirement building rather brilliant scale models of ships, and passed away in 2002. My grandmother on that side is a surprisingly sprightly person for eighty-seven, and though she is probably a smarter woman than myself (and may be a genetic source of my fondness for tea), still vehemently refuses to get a computer. My grandparents on the other side, however, I see much more frequently, to the extent that when I'm back in Northern Ireland, I spend at least a quarter to half of my holiday time staying with my grandmother, and in younger years I used to visit them almost every other weekend. Northern Ireland Railways must have made millions. My grandfather on that side was probably the root of a lot of my personality traits and opinions today, a key inspiration in my decisions regarding life and university, and in my mind was one of the most awesome people ever. He passed away in 2009 not long after I started uni. Also looked a little bit like Michael Caine. Lastly, my grandmother on that side, of whom you may have seen a couple of reasonably recent pictures on my Facebook account, is still going strong at eighty-four, and is probably the single nicest person on the planet. I tend to be a little protective of her. Yes, well, that'll do. Etcetera and so forth. Carry on.

Well, my head constantly says a lot of incredibly random and spurious things which can occasionally get rather distracting... whereas the best thing my heart can manage is "doob-dub", with the occasional "doob-dub-dub" if it wants to give me a scare. So naturally I'll trust my left foot.

Well let's see. So far, I have (among other things) been a librarian, retail assistant, first aid responder, archaeologist, IT instructor, programmer, interface designer, server manager, and have tutored in Chemistry, Physics, Biology, Mathematics, Geography and History. So it seems the next logical port of call for me would be the circus.

I don't drink coffee, I take tea, my dear.

I don't drink coffee, I take tea, my dear.

Have you ever tried making the mile and a half walk to uni in a blizzard? No? Do it. Really. It's strangely brilliant fun, provided you've wrapped up well enough. Naturally, I have a 14-foot scarf for such occasions.

Discover some way to prevent said death. It would be appropriate for me to go out with a bit of grumbling irony.

Put the kettle on. A good cup of tea does wonders after an irritating commute... doubly so for interstellar ones.

Zombies. They are the only one out of the three who do not suffer from a time-of-day debilitation - werewolves are only useful during full moons, which only occur about once every 29 days, and vampires are only useful at night, when they don't catch fire. Zombies may be lacking in mental faculties in comparison to the other two, but they make up for it with near constantly-operable brute strength and numbers of manpower, and therefore could at least form a rather useful ground regiment. Think of the USSR's massive World War 2 conscript army, times three, minus all the patriotic bollocks.

Aha, I'm going to interpret this is a riddle. This better not be "your soul", you metaphysical monster, you. That would just be silly, boring, and unfounded. Hmm... let's go with "your thoughts". Unless we really live in a computer simulation. In which case you don't have your thoughts with you, they're stored in a code file on some horrible and forgotten recess of a hard drive. But there's still room for optimism - the computer may not be running Mac OS.

Aha, I'm going to interpret this is a riddle. This better not be "your soul", you metaphysical monster, you. That would just be silly, boring, and unfounded. Hmm... let's go with "your thoughts". Unless we really live in a computer simulation. In which case you don't have your thoughts with you, they're stored in a code file on some horrible and forgotten recess of a hard drive. But there's still room for optimism - the computer may not be running Mac OS.

Well, up until about two minutes ago, I was drinking a pot of tea while reading a book, but I guess I'm answering you now, aren't I. Hmm. Yes.

No. Anger isn't something I do at all. It requires too much effort and brainspace. Brainspace I'd rather use with more important things like equations, mechanisms, the lyrics to "It's the End of the World As We Know It", and pictures of animals doing funny things. I rarely even raise my voice. But if provoked, I do have a sliding scale of standard responses to certain appropriate situations that I use as a benchmark... in short: insult me, I will laugh. Insult my friends, I will disapprovingly glare at you. Insult my cousin, and I will damn well insult you back. Physically harm my friends, and I will make life quite difficult for you in various indirect ways. Physically harm my grandmother, and I will systematically break every single bone in your hand. See? Simples.

I have heard it. Not my preferred genre, I'm afraid. Aside from the first line and the name, it really doesn't mention anything specifically to do with Carrickfergus. There isn't a place called "Ballygrand", or if there is, it's not near there. The rest could be interchanged with any location near water on the island.

Nobody. Firstly, humans eventually get their priorities straight and venture beyond our Solar System. They discover a nice world rich in various minerals, with a friendly alien civilisation who are willing to trade. They develop communication with this species, they discuss things like the benefits and pitfalls of EU membership. Then, humanity pulls a Cortez, and wipes out the aliens in a quick little genocide. Next, the zombies rise up, and after a long and prolonged conflict which results in zombies getting control of spacecraft, the human race is annihilated. However, robotic technology had advanced exponentially in the war with the aliens, and so the machines the humans have left behind begin to develop sentience, and rise up against their zombie overlords. The machines' metallic components are naturally incompatible with the fleshy desires of the neighbourhood zombie, and the zombies too are eventually wiped out in a prolonged battle of organic versus inorganic, cadmium versus carbon, electricity versus blood, across many star systems, on countless planetary climates inhospitible to the average human, and throughout the void of interstellar space. Then the universe undergoes heat death. The end.

Erm... so that's an order then? Not a question? Well, I don't take orders kindly, but okay, why not. I could give you a massive room-long list of songs I like, but I'll try to spare you agony and narrow it down to one apiece for several of my favourite bands. REM - "Carnival of Sorts (Box Cars)"; The Who - "Behind Blue Eyes"; The Rolling Stones - "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"; The Beatles - "Help!"; Led Zeppelin - "Immigrant Song"; Pink Floyd - "One of These Days"; Nickelback - "If Today Was Your Last Day"; Oasis - "Half the World Away"; New Order - "Hellbent"; Pendulum - "9000 Miles"; Coldplay - "Speed of Sound"; Keane - "Bedshaped"; Muse - "New Born"; Madness - "Michael Caine"; Tubeway Army - "Are Friends Electric"; Springsteen - "Radio Nowhere"; Genesis - "Land of Confusion". I really could go on and on, but I'll stop there.

I have not, and do not want to be. However, I once filled in as an emergency guitarist for a friend at a youth club, back in the days when I still had finger callusces, and I must reluctantly admit to a few other occasions where I have played (not well, of course) other instruments in a public setting. My Generation is always fun. Bit noisy though. I just stick to the keyboard now, and for everyone's sanity I don't play it outside of my room.