I watch too much internet.

Shower. Best for sex and not soaking in your own semen.

Each of my sperm cells is an individual person.

South Park has the possibility to be funny now and then. Seth MacFarlane hasn't done, said or thought anything funny in the past decade.

Never lie to your friends, it's too much work to keep track of what you've said, but remember that they don't need to know every kind or vile thing you do. Omission is a healthy element of every relationship.

Freak flag, when the weather's right.

Porn.

I don't refer to myself mentally, but I have plenty of self-referential terms to which I respond.

Not by the definition of "best," no. But since no one is enough of a faggot to split hairs like that: yes, you can have as many friends in that upper echelon as you want and refer to them as best friends to distinguish them from others.

The one where they let you fire a rocket-propelled grenade at a live cow for a couple hundred bucks. I could probably knock it down to double digits if I can convince them I've got a cure for the hiv.

What you do during a break isn't necessarily infidelity, it depends on whether one party led another to believe they'd stay monogamous. It's important to distinguish what kind of a break it is when it begins before it wrecks any chance of reconciliation.

Sir.

If you're sitting in the back, people have to turn all the way around, uncomfortably so, to make sure your hand isn't so far up your date's skirt that she technically qualifies as a muppet.

I kept hitting him in the face until he quit being a faggot after which people quit picking on him for being such a faggot.

3D hasn't been cool for movies since Reagan was president.

Usually drugs if I have them. Mostly alcohol, though that's no secret. I also go for a drive and try to isolate what's pissing me off and determine how I can address it. That's how I've done since I quit drinking (again). I'm more focused on staying out of the hospital than anything, so a lot of things I used to do to deal I can't do anymore.

Best way to eat ice cream?

Off a pair of tits.

I have not played Mother 3. Earthbound, though, is my favorite game of all time, so assuming I played the third game the bar would be set pretty high.

Intervention

A laptop, ten free hours and eighty milligrams of oxycontin.