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After all this time in Chicago, I have realized I am not a city man at all, in any way. Even the thought of moving back to a place like LA still feels uncomfortable, and I'm naturally a west coast kind of guy, except I like meat and cigars. And fighting wolverines in order to protect mankind.
With different surroundings, I feel even more that Portland is the place for me to live - a place to raise kids safely and away from extremely violent activity, where people are more relaxed unless you raise a political issue or litter somewhere, and people are friendly and accepting of different views even if they are obviously wrong. Portlandia's quote about the city,"Portland is a place young people go to retire," may be a funny saying, but it's true - in my mind, that city is where everyone is basically retired. Chicago is much like an urban jungle whose presence is only a bit overshadowed by NYC - but it's difficult for a forest creature like myself to live in such a place where tempers rage, traffic rages more, everyone is terrified of each other, blood pressure are constantly rising, and stress levels steadily increase for no reason.
So I guess it has just confirmed my suspicions, not changed my outlook. But truthfully, it was nice to live somewhere else for a change, to really get the taste of being back out in the world alone like I was in the Army. -
For patients that aren't able to ingest food orally due to sedation, trauma, or their condition, the medical answer is basically to shove a tube through your abdomen into your stomach. You get the nutrients, but you don't get to enjoy the taste. And sometimes the body rejects the feeding tube, and it clots, all the food gets backed up, the container with the fluid explodes all over your grandparents that came by to visit, then grandma runs out of the room with Glucerna all over her eyes, but because she's been blinded, she trips over the oxygen tank, which coincidentally flies into the air and hits Robert Downey jr. in the face so now he looks less like Tony Stark, and more like John Malkovich.
We all need answers like we need food, but the effort it takes to cook, garnish, chew, swallow, digest, and poop is a lot for a body to handle in a technical sense - yet it's all worth it compared to getting the dang thing shoved into my gastric cavity directly. Trust me, especially when that cook at Chipotle overloads the burrito with way too many beans, its value is wonderful coming in or out.
It's the same when it comes to getting answers from God. We often forget the enjoyment of being asked the question. Like the U2 song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" - is that really a blues song? Or is it one sung in joy for someone who's still searching for answers to the millions of questions we still have, knowing full well that our time on earth is too short to find them all, and maybe what little wisdom we have - compared to what we think we have - only gets to answer 1 or 2 of them? Or 3 if they're a genius, or happen to be Ted Nugent...
Happiness is temporary and worldly, but joy is eternal and a divine gift, as far as I'm concerned. Anybody can bring my happiness down even if I won the lottery, got a Grammy, or even better, got beat over with a frying pan by Lyndon B. Johnson (I have an active imagination); all they have to do is just mention the names of some of the patients or friends I saw in Iraq and have lost. But with joy, even in the worst circumstances I have faith and hope, enough to still love, no matter the pains I'm going through. It's not as big as some of the greats like MLK or Bonhoeffer and especially not like Jesus, but I'm trying.
Something I should really be responsible for though, is if there indeed is a God, what's going to be our answer to Him to the questions He has for us?
I wouldn't have the faintest clue. Yet. -
PS Concerning Flop, I still have many addictions and faults in my life, so should I turn from those too - I hope to be listening to these same songs, taking the same journey I'm giving to the audience.
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I'll deal with this in my behind-the-scenes videos of recording Flop - but Flop is basically about repentance, particularly the moment when a person is convicted of their sins and shortcomings. I started walking back toward faith from that moment onward when I experienced it, but I remember being totally on my knees and in more emotional and mental anguish than I ever had been, as I surrendered my guilt to Someone instead of constantly surrendering to the guilt, and denying it in public, all while my behavior displayed otherwise.
Flop is supposed to be, as I describe it, a soundtrack to repentance. If you don't think you've committed any wrong or there's nothing you know to turn from, this is definitely not the album for you, unless you just like fast hard (yet non-metal) rock. For those who are going through the stages of guilt, I'm trying to get a person from the realization that they've done wrong, to the point where they have at least a sense of movement by the time the final note of track 12 plays. I know as a fact that there are other people who are in the same place in their lives, and they have nobody out there in the music world speaking for them, let alone correctly. I'm probably the last person qualified to teach them even what the word "theology" means, but the least I can do is show them a sort of outline of their emotions and thoughts, on how to go about turning from whatever they did wrong.
Another consideration is, I think many who listen to Flop will make the mistake of, stopping at the 3rd and 4th track not being cognitively aware of what's going on. I made it my business to make sure that if you stop short of the end, it will be the worst day of your life. I got wayyyyyyy too many messages asking me if I was suicidal again after they listened to The Door or If Ally And Me. Firstoff, I'm not, and secondly, that's exactly what I wanted kinda sorta. Thank you for your concern, it means I'm working this right. :)
Anyways, all the lyrics so far, even Jackhammer (which I actually decided to keep relatively intact lyrically) still have little sidebars of redemption - less so in the first act of
the album but this will become more prominent in the 2nd act, and the 3rd will be a little more joyful. It is a concept album, it follows a three-act structure with each act having 4 songs each, and I don't describe a story, but more a person's psychological process from beginning to end. For instance, the first act doesn't end with being denied or whatever - I'm arguing that the worst of the guilt begins when you start to envy others, and you can discern for yourself where that kind of stuff leads. So thinking I've ended the story like this is like watching The Dark Knight and leaving in the middle once the central conflict just shows itself.
So with the songs on Flop, you'll have to be patient - the light is coming, I only have 8 more songs to go!
Now as for some of my songs from the past, I was experiencing PTSD a whole lot during those times (which I do plan to get into in future projects), and at the time I was going for what I now know, was a rather immature way to look at a mature predicament. Now it's a little bit different and I'm taking a new approach, and you can consider most of those songs I've written in the past virtually nonexistent, unless I choose to put them back up.
As for some of the miscellaneous songs like Criminal On Easter's Day, it does describe quite a bit about my walk of faith so far and how I ended up there; realizing that I've done wrong, making an active decision to turn away from those bad decisions and having faith to walk toward a hope that may or may not be the right decision - this is an integral part for a person to become a Christian, more important than any sacrifice, ritual, or tradition (Psalm 51:16-17). This is what changed my life, and delivered me from PTSD for this time, and allowed me to continue in joy rather than denying rampant sorrow only for a temporary release. So most of my writings will be coming from that point of view, trying to really reach the very bottom of human experience and inspire a movement to somewhere else up top. I prefer to do this via album rather than individual song.
Hope that answers your question! -
I'll buy you one for your 90th wedding anniversary, Mr. Suave.
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I hate stripes. They're geometrically unsavory to me.
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Who is this, why is this, and how many baseball bats do you keep inside your gym locker?
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JP Salamanca’s Bio
I'm JP Salamanca, a Christian singer-songwriter from Portland, Oregon, currently living in Schaumburg, IL. Feel free to ask me anything, no matter what it is, and I'll try my best to answer.
Wants Questions About
- my music.
