Metaverse Manners and Virtual World Etiquette
Recent Responses
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It's true that you don't have to befriend everyone, and you have a right to dodge people that you find potentially threatening or suspicious. But, be delicate about it. Remember that there's a slim chance that this person is entirely unrelated. Don't confront them or have an ALL CAPS IM YELLING MATCH accusing them of being someone else. Just limit your interactions as much as you can, so it will simply appear that you're busy or not that into them.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/03/ethics-and-alts-virtual-worlds.html -
For this answer, I'll assume you're both roleplaying in Second Life, at least in the sense that you haven't shared any real life details with each other. Since you're both roleplaying, you shouldn't feel any more responsible to disclose your real gender than you would to disclose any other RL details, since it's a given in these situations that you're playing a character on some level. If you're roleplaying as this gender in the general population and not in a roleplaying environment, it can be a little trickier. Don't go out of your way to be deceptive, but your true gender isn't everyones business... Unless they're pursuing you romantically.
Even if you are both roleplaying, if this person is clearly trying to put the moves on you for more than a one-time session of anonymous pixel-grinding, you should give them the facts. A lot of people won't care either way, but if you're dealing with a person who does care, then you will have just avoided a very messy and dramatic situation. I know many readers will bristle at this idea and say that it's still no one's business but yours, and that if they like your personality then your gender shouldn't matter. But the fact is that to some people it does matter. It's not up to you to make that choice for them, and there's a very high chance that things will end roughly if/when they find out your true gender. Not only will their original prejudice still be there, but they will feel deceived and betrayed on top of that. It would be a lot more constructive to spend that time with someone who's comfortable with both you and your avatar.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/03/ethics-and-alts-virtual-worlds.html -
It's unlikely that you're really doing this to "learn more about them", because if you spend time with them normally you should learn the same things. Instead, this comes off as profoundly creepy, stalker-like behaviour. Furthermore, if you are so insecure about your relationship with your partner that you have to set up honey traps to test their honesty, you're probably better off ending the relationship altogether. It's not worth being with someone that you can't trust. If this is something you find yourself doing with every partner you have, you might need to turn that investigative lens inward. These tactics make you look like the dishonest one.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/03/avatar-alts-part-2.html -
You should only worry about outing your alts to someone if you find that you're roleplaying with them a lot, or when there may be a conflict of interest that could cause some OOC community drama down the line. For example, maybe your main account is a high ranking official who just promoted your alt to a position of power. Consider how you would feel if your character was one of the ones passed up for that position-- rumours may swirl anyway, so in this situation it's best to be honest with the other players from the beginning.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/03/avatar-alts-part-2.html -
Just ask them! Think of an interest you share with whoever it is that you like, and invite them to do something related with you. Explore a photogenic sim, go to a club, try a medieval roleplay area, or whatever you think you would both enjoy. Remember that confidence is sexy, and thankfully it's much easier to fake online than it is in real life!
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/compromising-positions.html -
Before you make your move, you need to figure out if he's already spoken for. Check his profile picks (and his partner's), since many SL couples use that space to wax poetic about each other. If both are all clear, just ask him what their relationship is. Some people partner close friends or business partners, and if that's the case then it's clear sailing! Be careful, though: A lot of people don't take SL relationships very seriously, and won't hesitate to keep a few different relationships going at the same time. If he seems a little dodgy or shifty about the nature of the partnership, you may want to keep your distance-- at least until the partner box is empty.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/compromising-positions.html -
The answer to this question really depends on what your relationship is like. If you're the type of SL couple that regularly go ballroom dancing and hang out in places named "Venus Romance Garden", your princess probably expects a proper proposal and ceremony. If you're a much more casual couple, instead, you can probably drop a lot of the pomp and propose partnership directly. No matter what, though, acknowledge it in world, whether it's with a ring, a shared skybox, or something else mutually significant to make it feel a bit more personal than just an email from Linden Lab.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/compromising-positions.html -
Be as understanding as possible, and don't accuse him of being disgusting or a pervert, that will only drive you apart. You absolutely don't "have to play along", and you definitely have the right to refuse to participate. These aren't the only options, however. Talk about these interests with him and see if you can find an element you would be willing to try. You shouldn't do things that upset you or make you uncomfortable, but if you can find places for compromise, your bond will be a lot stronger for it!
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/compromising-positions.html -
The problem here is that if it really is only a few cents, you should have no problem providing it yourself. People get irritable at others begging for L$ for many reasons, but mainly it's the idea that someone who can afford a computer and an internet connection that are both capable of running Second Life should also be able to afford just a few cents. For some, it also speaks to how seriously you take Second Life, and generally people who take it seriously enough to invest their money into it will not be receptive to people who take it lightly enough to beg for others' money instead. Even if you aren't interested in spending real money on virtual goods there are more freebies, sales, hunts, and group gifts available now than ever before. Find a few good freebie groups and blogs and you'll get by easily without earning as much bitchy vitriol from fellow shoppers.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/shopping-etiquette-part-2.html -
This depends almost entirely on the store owner's policy. The vast majority of shops in SL will only offer refunds for transferable, no-copy items that you can physically return to the store owner. If you suspect that you may want to return something, check the store's policy or contact the owner for clarification before purchasing anything. The only thing you are really entitled to is to vote with your wallet-- if you don't agree with their policies, don't give them your money.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/shopping-etiquette-part-2.html -
If you've included instructions with the item, ask them to unpack it and review the information that you've included, and tell them that if they have any further questions that you'll be glad to answer them afterwards. Of course many people will push you for more one-on-one guidance, and it can be tempting to be snippy with them, but try your best not to. If it's very clear that they are asking questions that would be answered in the instructions, consider excusing yourself to "go AFK" for a bit. It's not the most honest approach, but it will give them time to properly review to instructions, and it will give you a bit of a breather (since it sure won't help to lose your temper).
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/shopping-etiquette-part-2.html -
It's never easy when you don't like your friend's partner. The reason trolling works is because it preys on common reactions that people have. You're not overreacting, you're reacting in a completely natural way. If your friend doesn't mind this behaviour, then it's not your place to try to change their partner (or their view of him). Instead, try to keep your contact with the troll to a minumum. If you feel like you're withdrawing from your friend too much in the process, explain to them the effect that his behaviour has on you, and that you are just trying to proactively limit potential conflicts. Hopefully, they'll understand and support your attempt to keep things drama-free.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/01/finding-friends-and-tempting-trolls.html -
I've addressed a similar question before, but this scenario is much more specific. first of all, be sure that you aren't in a roleplay region. If you've stumble out into an area with roleplay rules in place, it's your responsibility to read those rules and decide if you want to be there or not. However, in a non-roleplay region, you shouldn't really have to tell them anything. If they're pursuing you in that way, they're definitely in the wrong. Tell them simply that you're not in-character (IC is roleplay shorthand for in-character, and OC or OOC means out-of-character), and suggest that if they are, they ignore you.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/01/finding-friends-and-tempting-trolls.html -
Oddly enough, most of the social activity between SLers seems to happen outside of SL, especially in terms of meeting new people and groups. For example, Plurk is a major social and networking hotspot for residents (to the point that they even let you pick "Second Life" as your location). I've met more likeminded SLers through Plurk than anywhere else. Another helpful place to look are photosharing sites like Flickr and Koinup. Flickr in particular is full of Second Life based groups for just about every interest, so pick a few that you like and start communicating! While it may seem counter intuitive to look outside for people to socialize with inside, a lot of the relationships that start on these external services turn into in-world friendship offers, parties, and eventually a clique of your own-- all you have to do is put yourself out there.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/01/finding-friends-and-tempting-trolls.html -
I would be a little wary of doing this, especially in situations with rented shops in malls. Before you IM them, check their Profile Picks for mentions of the shop, policies, a shop blog, or anything that would tip you off that they're the owner. If you can't find any details like that, examine decor and other vendors in the store for different owner names and check their profiles as well. If no one has any mention of the store in their profile, go with the name that appears most often as an object owner in the shop. Even if they aren't the proprietor of the store, they should be understanding of the effort you took to find out who to contact and forward you on to the correct person.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/etiquette-lessons-for-the-sl-shopper.html -
# Compare the quality of the pictures and ad to the quality of the item itself. Does the item look like it would require considerably more Photoshop skill than is demonstrated in the picture advertising it? That should raise a red flag right away.
# Does the designer have a large number of products, in spite of only being a couple months old? It takes a lot of time and work for a designer to build their brand, so it's suspicious when a designer manages to spring upwith hundreds of products ready.
# If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. L$100 for a box of 20 legitimate full-permission skins? Dream on!
# If someone is claiming to be selling used items from other stores, check the original store to see if any of their goods are sold transferable. While some places like BareRose sell almost everything with transfer permissions, hair, shoe, and skin stores almost never do, so anything someone can sell you from those stores is almost definitely stolen content.
# When in doubt, ask the community. If you're suspicious of a product show it to friends or people who may know more about the kind of item-- if it's a pair of shoes, for example, ask an avid shoe blogger if they recognize the style or the brand. That way you can multiply your chances of recognizing a copybotted item exponentially.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/etiquette-lessons-for-the-sl-shopper.html -
This is almost always a big faux-pas. Let me put it this way, if you can't get a hold of your dentist for an appointment, do you call their husband or wife? The only situation where it would be acceptable to do so applies to SL as well, and that is if their partner is directly involved in their business. If they create or work together then it's reasonable to contact either partner, because either one should be able to help you. If you're only talking to them to get to their partner, then it's definitely not okay.
Read more at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/02/etiquette-lessons-for-the-sl-shopper.html -
When you blog an item, the primary purpose is to convince others to buy it. If you cover up mistakes in the product, readers who buy it may be disappointed and upset-- upset with the designer and with you. I frequently gush about virtual clothing with slight flaws, and I'll acknowledge the flaws openly between layers of compliments. It's important that you balance the negative points with positive points, and that you phrase both constructively. Saying "This dress is cute but OMG THESE SEAMS ARE MONSTROUS" isn't going to sell anyone on the product, nor is it going to convince the designer to be more careful around the seams of their design. It will only serve to make them defensive and less willing to hear suggestions you may have for their work. If there is a problem with a design that I just can't move past, I simply won't blog it. Why waste time, effort, and money recommending a product that shouldn't be recommended? Always be honest with your readers, and if you really don't have anything nice to say, it's probably best to say nothing at all.
Read more of this week's column at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/01/well-behaved-blogger.html.html -
If you don't want someone to replicate a look almost exactly, then you probably shouldn't be blogging it. When you blog an outfit or avatar look, you're essentially offering yourself up as a template for your fans to follow. If the particular item is something you've made yourself or that isn't otherwise for sale, it's reasonable to tell your readers that it isn't available and suggest some similar alternatives. If it is out for purchase and you just want to keep it as your personal style secret, replace the item with one that you don't mind sharing instead. However, if you still really want to show but not tell, you may want to reconsider your motives for blogging to begin with.
Read more of this week's column at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/01/well-behaved-blogger.html.html -
Be polite about it, and give them a clear reason why you're not interested in sending them any review copies. If their blog is too new or not quite your style, it's fair to tell them that. If you have a personal grudge against the blogger, you may want to keep that to yourself and be civil with them anyway. If you're on the fence about giving them something, try offering them a group gift, an older release, or even a small store-card as a gesture of good will without giving away the whole farm.
Read more of this week's column at http://nwn.blogs.com/nwn/2011/01/well-behaved-blogger.html.html
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Iris Ophelia’s Bio
Proxima Centauri, Second Life
I'm here to help resolve some of the stickiest issues in metaverse manners and virtual world etiquette. Just call me Emily Post 2.0
