Ask me anything
Believe me darling, I have plenty to learn myself... God is constantly molding us into the image of His son, and in that reflection, we all have plenty to learn from each other!
Blessings to you!
cont "husband as he was involved in ministry and is now getting alot of heat. We honestly are quite discouraged, misunderstood, and really hurting through this process. Our peace comes from knowing this is where God is leading us now. I appreciate any words of encouragement, as I do know you has a similar story. How does one handle such a situation wisely? It's been a very trying time for us.. especially me, as a wife and mother."
John Pipers church! I know he isn’t the pastor any longer but still, that is amazing, I would love to visit that church and you are truly blessed to live near by it and be a part of it. His sermons have blessed me and my husband in so many ways!
I’m sorry sweetheart, I can definitely relate to the pain and criticism you are experiencing and it sucks. Yet on the other hand, you are so blessed to be married to a man who is willing to go through fire, to ensure that his wife and children will flourish under sound doctrine and teaching. You are blessed to be a witness to a man who is truly willing to sacrifice his friends and family for the sake of truth. That in itself is a blessing.
I’ve spoken to so many wives who are reformed and whose husbands claim to be reformed but because they fear dealing with rejection and confrontation, they continue attending the religious churches they were brought up in. These wives suffer because their husbands can’t truly submit to authority they don’t agree with and there is constant slander and conflict, the wives attend church just for show, to please the “friends and family”, and it’s just an ugly masquerade with so much unspoken emotion and pain. It drives the entire family to dry up spiritually…
So in all this hardship, recognize how blessed you are with your husband, that he is willing to stand up for the spiritual wellbeing of you and your children. There aren’t many men out there like that, trust me.
What really helped me through the process is meeting people within the new church family. Meeting them, being friends with them and being open with them about your hardship, your heart, your journey. I would really encourage that you get plugged into the new church, get to know people and soon these people will be your family. Their support, encouragement and wisdom is so valuable and you will probably be surprised at how many of them share a similar story. We all go through seasons in life and in certain seasons we serve and we lift people up but in other seasons we are allowed to be weak, vulnerable and it is we who are to enable others to serve us, to build us up, to speak truths in our lives, to comfort us. Perhaps, this is the season you are in. Allow people to serve you this time. Gently reassure your husband that it’s ok that he doesn’t have everything under control, encourage your husband to rest in God and His promises.
And instead of lashing out, talking back and harboring bitterness towards all those that gossip, criticize and slander your family and your husband, pray for them. I know it’s not easy, and trust me, I’ve failed plenty, but when I pray for them, peace rules and quiets my spirit, reassuring me that somehow, God gots this.
The truth is, many of the friendships and even family relations will grow colder and maybe even cease to exist, but don’t let that discourage you. In Jesus, in your new church, God will send you many more and you will realize that the friendships and relationships that unite us in Christ are far more valuable and far more precious than those that unite us in blood.
You are welcome sweetheart, all glory to Jesus!
No. In time, she will just be another girl to him. We all get used to beauty, and the truth is, there will always be another one who is "better looking", who is younger, who is more fit... and if he has a habit of cheating, he will cheat.
The only thing that makes an honest man out of a cheater is God's grace. The only person who will change the heart and mind of this boy is Jesus, not a prettier girlfriend.
No, it doesn't work love. Jesus alone can change the hearts of people and when we try to play the role of Jesus in the lives of others, we usually end up hurt and disillusioned. Instead of getting involved with this person, pray for him, and tell him that you can't get involved with him because Jesus is king of your heart.
Your love and passion for Jesus can shake this boy up and cause him to seek Jesus. Make it an ultimatum for all men, if they want you, they have to go through your Father.
"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."
I noticed that we usually don't give into anger, fighting or yelling. Arguments usually arise when we allow our pain to grow into anger. Usually we stop at the pain. Yuriy is so much better than me when it comes to talking about our feelings or admitting pain (I know, you would never have guessed). I love writing about feelings on paper but when it comes to talking about them or sharing them out loud, I tend to close up, withdraw and I can't even control it. It's like an automatic reaction, I crawl into my shell and I turn to silence.
I have really been blessed with Yuriy, because he is so amazing at being patient and gentle with me and slowly drawing me out of my shell of pain until I open up and talk to him. And I am highly sensitive ( I know shocker, ha?) So I can get hurt for the silliest of reasons and I usually laugh at myself when it's over.
Yuriy on the other hand, is really good at opening up to me when he feels hurt. I have a lot to learn from him. He never accuses me, instead he shares with me how he feels, or how something made him feel and he usually makes me feel guilty and want to repent.
I would advise that you don't let it go past pain. Stop at the pain and gently deal with it. And if he gets angry or yells, remember the source is that he probably just wants to be loved.
Yuriy taught me that. He set up a set of rules for us even before we got married. He said, in arguments, remember our rules.
Rule #1: I love you.
Rule #2: No matter what I say or do, remember rule #1.
In the end all arguments are just cries of our hearts that we want to be loved and accepted by the other person, and their anger and pain is just a cry of their heart, that they want to feel loved and accepted by us, and when you bring all arguments to this common denominator, they are far less painful and go a lot smoother.
No. He will only begin to change when he meets Jesus and when Jesus changes his heart.
Of course! In fact it's wonderful and every girl should pray and prepare for her future husband. Praying for your future husband will cause you to prepare for him, and marriage is a union of selflessness and forgiveness, it's a union of serving and putting the desires of another before your own.
Every girl can prepare for marriage by serving those whom God places around her, by sacrificing her own desires for theirs, by being selfless, by loving and caring for others.
So yes, pray for your future husband and prepare your heart for marriage.
Why go to church at all?
There is a chance for a couple without love for God, to ride the wave of lust for awhile, to ride the wave of companionship, even for a lifetime. But there is no chance for a couple without the love for Jesus to experience and know true love that only comes from knowing God and being in Christ together.
All relationships are very different, and all motives behind all decisions are also different. I don't know the heart and mind of your boyfriend, I don't know what his intentions are, or what he hopes this "break" will fix.
I guess my question to you is, what are you hoping this break will do for your relationship? If there are unresolved serious problems in your relationship, then time will only bury them, only to un-bury them later on in life. Time will not fix it.
If you are serious about this relationship and really want it to work, you both need to deal with the serious problems of the past, they need to be brought up and dealt with. If you need a third party, a counselor, a pastor to help you through this process then find one, but don't just leave them as they are.
Now, again, I don't know your boyfriend, but usually when a guy asks for a break, for time, he is looking of a way out. Or keeping you around as an option while he explores others that are available to him. A man who truly loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, usually wont ask you for a break or time. He knows and he is willing to do whatever he has to, to make sure you are close to him, and you are his.
Somehow your post sounds like a plea, a plea to justify what he is asking of you. It's as if you are looking for reassurance that he still loves you, and wants to be with you. And what is sad, and what makes me doubt him and his intentions is that he is making you doubt his commitment to you.
Do you really need a break? Or are you still trying to convince yourself that you need one? Maybe what you need is his love, his acceptance, regardless of your past. His complete forgiveness and commitment to you? Maybe you really need him to pursue you, regardless of anything... Maybe you need him to make you feel precious, valuable and loved despite everything?
Would you really ask for a break instead?
If I were you, I would seriously question his intentions and instead of running to time for help, I'd really encourage you to run to Jesus, together. (If you see a future with this man)
It doesn't sound silly at all, God uses even poetry to speak to our hearts. You are very welcome :)
We all have a mountain of past mistakes sweetheart, every single one of us. It's that mountain of our past sin and mistakes that highlights our need for a savior. It's the past we have been saved from that keeps reminding us, over and over, how precious and powerful our savior is.
I am not sure what you mean by "recover", if you mean "how do you stop feeling guilty"? Then the answer is Jesus, he paid all that was owed to your guilt. If you still feel guilty, it's not your past sin you need to repent from, it's your lack of faith in Jesus.
The Bible clearly tells us that we are new creatures:
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
You are no longer who you were, Jesus took the old you upon Himself and the old you was buried with Christ. This is the new you. It doesn't matter how ugly your past was, it doesn't matter if you were a liar, a thief, a prostitute, an addict, a religious person. It doesn't matter what the nature of your sin was, Jesus paid for it, He washed you clean and no one has the power to accuse you.
Satan is the accuser of God's people (Revelation 12:10). It is Satan who brings up the sins of our past and tries to deceive and convince us that we are ruined, worthless and guilty. And if any people in your life are bringing up your past to put you down, they are only doing Satans bidding.
Remember, you have Jesus on your side, saying the exact opposite. You are made new, you are free, and you are perfect in Christ. Listen to the truth, counter the lies with the truth.
To help you, I would encourage that you write down every accusation of your past down on a piece of paper. every time you get a thought reminding you of your past, accusing you of your past, write it down and right next to it, write down the promises of the Bible. Counter the lie with the truth. And every time the past haunts you, reread the promises and truths of Jesus, and be rooted in your new identity, in Christ. Bury your past...
Let your past remind you of who Jesus is, and of how graceful and powerful He is to save you from it, and make you perfect, beautiful and new. Because your future and your blessings do not depend on your past, they are determined by who you are in Christ, and that's all that matters.
Don't be afraid of your past, don't be afraid of talking about your past, don't be afraid of using your past as a testimony of sharing about Gods amazing Grace and power in your life. Your past, like the dead Goliath, is dead. It can not hurt you, you can not ruin you, it is dead.
If you think about the story of David and Goliath, think of Goliath as your past and David as God's grace. When you talk about your past, that is no more, you are forced to proclaim the power of Grace that defeated it and now lives and rules in its place.
Blessings to you!
Haha, you are very welcome, my pleasure :)
Sweetheart, your desire to start, in itself is a start.
We all go through dry seasons in our lives, and we all experience this emptiness which is so hard to recover from.
Imagine having a childhood best friend, whom you spent days and nights with, who knew all your secrets, who could make you laugh and cry all at the same time. Well, imagine she moved away, life got busy and you grew apart... Maybe years have passed and you haven't spoken, how would you reignite that friendship?
You'd probably call her, email her and set a date to meet and catch up. It probably won't be as exciting as your childhood when you were so open and free with her, but in time, it can be. You just have to get to know her again, you have to be open and allow her to get to know you again.
Do the same thing with God. If you have to, start formal, set a time and a date, and show up. I don't know when you have time throughout the day or the week, but set a time. Be it after work, before work, before school, during lunch, before bed... etc. Set a time to spend with God and no matter the circumstances, stick to it. Be open in your prayers, and listen when you read His word. Start rebuilding that relationship, there may be times of awkward silence but it doesn't matter, God doesn't mind. He is longing to have an intimate relationship with you, and He will be there, patiently waiting for the fire in your heart.
I like what Mark Driscoll said the other day:
"Most people shouldn't go to seminary. The world needs more teachers, lawyers, doctors, politicians, and business leaders who love Jesus."
Just because you will do ministry does not mean you will do something greater or inspire more lives. The point of our lives is not to do something greater than someone else, it's not to inspire more lives, it's to love Jesus no matter where we are or what we are doing, and the Holy Spirit will draw people unto Jesus through that.
If you can't love and share Jesus as a politician, you should not aspire to be a preacher. pursuing a career and pursuing ministry is not "either, or", you can pursue ministry within your career, no matter what your career is. You can pursue ministry in being a mom, a wife. To pursue ministry is to pursue and be pursued by Jesus, and it doesn't matter what you choose to do, if you are a Christian, you should minister.
So again, if you feel called to seminary or a certain type of "ministry", go for it, but don't think that what you are doing is more important, meaningful or greater than a Christian lawyer, a Christian kindergarten teacher, a Christian nanny, a Christian esthetician, a Christian Cosmetologist, a Christian makeup artist, a Christian doctor, a Christian nurse, a Christian politician, a Christian accountant, a Christian banker, a Christian maid, a Christian cab driver, a Christian janitor, Christian mom, a Christian wife, etc.
Hi sweetie, personally, my suggestion to you would be to drop him like it's hot. Any boy that needs a "big butt" or "big boobs" to be happy is not even worth pleasing. He is making you insecure. A boy who loves you, truly, will love you when you are skinny, when you are fat, when you are pregnant and when you are old. You will always be his standard of beauty, not other girls.
Now on another note, just because you are skinny, does not mean you can't be curvy. You can still have a butt, defined abs, arms and legs, you just have to work out. It's not easy and it takes dedication and hard work, but it is definitely within your reach, no matter how skinny you are.
Hi sweetie, it's email@example.com
True, but you did mention that you "went through a lot together" and now "grew apart" which to me sounds like the meat and the life of your relationship is in the past.
And it doesn't matter if you broke up or you didn't, what I would encourage you to look for in this boy is his love for Jesus. Where is Christ in his life, in his heart, in his daily living, in his worship, in his conversation, in his dreams, in his desires? Does he lead you spiritually? Does he inspire you to love and worship God more? Do you see Christ being reflected in him? Do you see him repenting? Do you see him worshiping? Do you see him submitting to Christ, to the authority Christ placed in his life?
Because if you don't see these things in him, he will never really, truly be able to love and treasure you, your relationship with him will never be satisfying, and you will only continue to grow more apart.
True, we do live in a very broken, sick and depraved world. I imagine that's why so many people even ask me questions on here, because they are tired of living in this world. I draw my answers from the Bible, from the only thing in this world that is perfect and flawless. Of course things don't happen exactly as the Word of Gods calls them to because of our sin, and of course people will not always take my advice, but that doesn't make the word of God any less perfect, any less real, or any less powerful.
Just because many people, myself included are broken and often choose sin, doesn't mean that there isn't a "perfect, right" answer. That answer, that is found in Christ is what I strive for, and I can only encourage others to strive for it as well. Because no matter what the problem is, no matter how broken, sinful, ugly, damaged or depraved our world or our situation, Jesus in His perfection, in His righteousness is powerful enough to fix it.
Hi sweetheart, you know, there is no cookie cutter answer. I can't tell you to give it another chance or to move on, I can only tell you to make sure the source and the foundation of your relationship is Jesus.
Sometimes we rely too much on our past, on our memories, and on our nostalgia for our decisions. And sometimes the only thing that binds us to another person is our past. Sometime we put too much hope in what we've been through, what we've experienced, what we've promised, what we gave up. that we fail to see what's right in front of us. Sometimes we try too hard to see our present reflection in the mirror of the past... And we only deceive ourselves.
Sometimes we are like an old ex-supermodel of about 70, who looks through her old portfolio and based on it makes the decision to go in for a swimsuit casting call. Her hope lies in her past, in the memories that promise her fame and glory. She fails to see and recognize, that her reflection has changed, she is no longer the same... her past is no longer her present.
Often, we do the same thing with relationships, we look through old photographs, stroll through memory lanes and we hope to relive our past experiences, while ignoring our present reflection. And if this is the case, I would encourage you to move on, let go, and close the chapter. There was a time, there was a season, but it is no longer.
What I would encourage you to look for in this boy is his love for Jesus. Where is Christ in his life, in his heart, in his daily living, in his worship, in his conversation, in his dreams, in his desires? Does he lead you spiritually? Do you see Christ being reflected in him? Do you see him repenting? Do you see him worshiping? Do you see him submitting to Christ, to the authority Christ placed in his life?
If you don't, you might just be like that 70 year old supermodel, hoping in your past. It may have been a beautiful past, a successful past, a promising past, a memorable past... but in the end, it was the past.