Ask us anything concerning life, college, relationships, love, the opposite sex, the same sex, friendships, and more.
Recent Responses
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Robbie: Yes and no. Really it all depends on the context of the relationship, and what caused the split. However, it’s best to not attempt friendship immediately after the break up. There needs to be a period after a break up where you give each other space to collect yourselves, and move on. Then, over time, you both can slowly start to work it out. Exes can be friends if they’re willing to be mature and talk about their differences. Typically, bridges get burned in situations where cheating and abuse (verbal physical mental or emotional) is involved. They also get burned if one party is just totally unwilling to accept the fact that they did anything wrong right off the bat. In the end though, if two people can work out their differences and leave it in the past where it belongs, then yes, it is possible to break up and not burn bridges.
Bri: It really depends. It depends on the group of the break up and the people. It depends on personalities, how messy of a break up it was and the situations surrounding it. It depends on circumstances. It’s all in how you do it. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a break up is to give space and maybe slowly work yourselves into speaking terms. Sometimes that’s not possible at all. It really does depend. If you want to not burn bridges, I recommend making it a clean break, tying up loose ends and being honest. I recommend not getting other people involved, starting rumors and drama or slinging mud. I recommend keeping it between the both of you and even keeping it from blowing up into bigger drama. -
Robbie: Let her know that that is how you feel. If there was a falling out between the two of you, apologize for whatever you did wrong. If you both kind of drifted apart or she stopped talking to you out of the blue, then let her know where you stand and try to arrange a coffee date to talk things out. You’ll never know unless you give it a shot. In the end though, you can put forth the effort to be friends again, but if she’s not responsive or doesn’t follow through, then don’t try to force something that isn’t there. One of the most important aspects of any friendship or relationship is that there is mutuality. If she’s not willing to make it work, then just take it as a sign that it wasn’t meant to work out and that there is someone out there who will be a better friend to you.
Bri: Reach out to her! I always feel like there’s this misconception that falling outs and friendships that fall apart can’t be fixed. Whatever reason for your friendship falling apart, I’m sure it’s fixable. Time heals many wounds and you’ll never know unless you try. She’ll either be receptive to being friends again or say she’s not interested. It’s worth the shot and if she doesn’t want to be friends, then she’s missing out. -
Bri: It’s never too late to fix it. Millersville’s website has this nifty GPA calculator (http://www.millersville.edu/advisement/gpa-calc.php) to help you figure out what you need to get the GPA you want. I’ve used it a number of times to make sure I maintain the GPA I want. There’s also tutors available for most classes. Professors are usually more than willing to help you study during their office hours and it’s a great way to make friends in classes. Have study groups and share notes. If the textbook isn’t required, it’s sometimes still a good idea to get it anyway to help you study. Keep yourself in check and just make sure your main focus is school. That’s why you’re here afterall. (And hey, it’s not the cheapest thing out there.)
Robbie: Believe it or not, visiting a professor’s office hours can take you a long way. They are willing to answer any questions you may have, and they will take it into account that you’re trying your best to succeed. They’re going to give you the grade you ultimately deserve, but if you go to them regularly and make an effort, they’ll be more than willing to help you again in the future. Also, if there is any tutoring being offered by seniors within your major or within a certain department, USE IT. I’m AWFUL at math, but I’ve gone to the math tutoring center several time, and have received a lot of help and clarification of certain topics that were confusing me. Also, keep your advisor in the loop on what’s going on with your classes, and they will also be able to direct you to other resources such as the tutoring center in Lyle Hall. It also helps to have study sessions with friends in your class, or study groups. Sharing notes and asking each other questions is a lot more help than you may think. -
Bri: There’s a ton of clubs to get involved with. Most majors have clubs that are related to their majors and even if you’re not a particular major, you can probably still join the club. For example, I’m an art major and am in WIXQ & HerCampus. WIXQ is our campus radio station, which relates to Communication Studies, and HerCampus, which could relate to English and writing studies. It’s good to get involved with different things even if it doesn’t exactly apply to what you’re going to school for. There’s also Greek life and intermural sports. If you live on campus, most dorms have programs you can go to to meet people in your building and hall.
Robbie: I know many people who do intramural sports, and absolutely love it. If you’re into art, there are various art clubs. There’s student senate if you want to be a leader here at Millersville, and do you part to be a voice for the student body. Like Bri said, each major has a several clubs associated with it. I’m a Public Relations major, so I’m involved with PRSSA (Public Relations Student Society of America). I also do Her Campus, and I sing in Millersville’s Gospel Choir, which meets on Wednesday nights at 9 p.m. at Chryst Hall. If you’re interested in being an Orientation Leader, applications are being taken at the Center for Student Involvement and Leadership office in the SMC right now. As a former OL, I can honestly say that that is one of the most rewarding experiences you can ever have during your time here at Millersville. If you’re interested in Greek Life, their recruitment is just getting underway now. There are several Greek organizations on campus worth checking out. Everyone I know that gave it a shot loves it. -
Bri: Unfortunately if he’s with someone, there really isn’t much you can do about that. You could tell him, but that will probably cause some sort of issue with you and either him and/or his current lady friend. Regardless, you don’t want to be a home-wrecker. Karma is a bitch and tends to throw things back in our faces.
Robbie: I agree with Bri on this one. Regardless of your past with a particular person, don’t interfere in their present in a way that could potentially cause A LOT of drama. Having had a similar situation happen to me, I can say it’s best to just keep it to yourself and (like Bri said) not be a home-wrecker. It’s best to go the Hayley Williams route, and wait it out (i.e. “Misery Business”). Give it some time. Maybe their relationship won’t work out. However, you don’t want to wait around forever. Don’t let other opportunities pass you by. You might find someone better than your ex if you allow that person to have a shot. -
Bri: Welp, obviously we slacked on this week and are just seeing this now. Study, study, study but don’t forget that breaks are necessary. You can’t just spend all your time studying or you, without a doubt, will lose your mind. Schedule in time to study for each class. Spend more time on the classes as they get closer. Example: say you have an English, Math, Science, Art History and Music finals. English final Monday, Math and Science on Tues, Art on Thurs and Music on Friday. Study more for the English, Math and Science ones and after you’re done with them you can spend more time on the rest. Keep your mental health in mind and get plenty of sleep!
Robbie: I agree with Bri on the first part. When it’s getting down to that last week before finals, devoting anywhere from a 1 to 3 hours of studying for one subject per night can work wonders. And take a 15 minute to half-hour break every hour. Go on Facebook or Twitter, go get coffee, go for a run, or go to the gym. Whatever helps put your mind at ease, do it. Also, and I swear by this, chew gum while you study. Studies have shown that the chewing stimulates your brain and helps you to retain information better. And, like Bri said, don’t forsake sleep for studying. A well-rested mind functions much stronger than one that isn’t. -
Bri: Read Cosmo.
Robbie: Read Men’s Health. I mean no offense towards Cosmo and it’s subscribers, but if you want tips on how to give a guy what he wants, read a magazine written by guys for guys. Many of the things in Cosmo may SOUND awesome when you read them, but that DOES NOT mean they FEEL awesome. I think if you want to spice things up in bed, just keep an open mind to different positions or techniques. People say they would never want to try certain things, but eventually their sex lives will get stale if they just keep doing the same stuff over and over again. Not only that, but they’ve most likely never tried the techniques or positions that they’re so against. I’m willing to bet that you and your boyfriend already know what you both are already into, so start talking about positions/techniques that you’ve always wanted to try that you’ve been curious about. After that, take turns trying these new things in bed to see if you they work for the both of you. Open sexual dialogue with your partner is one of those intimacy factors that helps keep things interesting. I’m not saying become swingers or get into S&M (not that there’s anything wrong with any of that). Just keep an open mind. If you try something and you don’t like it, it’s a lesson learned and you’d actually have a reason for arguing against it. -
Bri: It could be his way of saying he missed you. Were you guys close before? Almost all my friends, guys and girls, greet me with a hug when they see me, whether it’s been a few hours or months. It’s possible he was talking to someone else when he saw you for the first time in a while and that eventually progressed to a relationship. Rather than making assumptions, I would suggest just talking to him and seeing what’s going on.
Robbie: It could just be his way of saying hello/goodbye and that he missed you. Hugs are not uncommon between friends, but I can see how the kiss on the cheek could throw you off, especially if you’ve had feelings for the person. However, like Bri and I said, it could just be his own way of saying hi. Did he know about your feelings for him? If he did then I would definitely talk to him just to figure out what his intention was. But if he didn’t know that you have feelings for him then it may have just been a miscommunication, and he wasn’t intentionally trying to confuse you. -
Bri: You’re welcome! Thanks, and we hope to be doing this for the rest of the year as well!
Robbie: You’re welcome. And thank you so much for following us! We do plan on doing for the rest of the year. Next semester will be my last semester doing this (because I’ll be graduating), so I’m hoping to make it worth everyone’s while. -
Robbie: It might be a bit forward if you sang them a song or read them a poem in public, but its definitely not weird in private. Singing a song or reading a poem in public is a grand gesture usually done to ask a person to a dance in high school or to propose to someone. At least, that’s how one usually sees it done. And no, it’s not weird to read them a poem. If that is how you truly feel, it says everything you want to say and you feel most comfortable expressing yourself in that manner, then go for it. Good luck with everything! Remember, if it doesn’t work out, then at least you gave your best shot. That’s something that a lot of people can’t say.
Bri: Hey, if you’re comfortable with it, I don’t think it’d be weird for you to sing to someone in public, but she might get a little uncomfortable with the attention, unless she’s into that sort of thing, then by all means go for it. I think it’s great that you want to express yourself that way, if it’s how you do it best, then even better! -
Robbie: Typically, in situations like these, a person gets mad at your honesty or you expressing your feelings because they know that you’re right and they don’t know how to deal with it. It could also be that they’re just too far gone to see they’re in the wrong, and wish not to be told how to live their life. The best you can do is try to sit her down with zero distractions (her boyfriend, phones, computers, or her new friends) and voice your concerns to her in straightforward, honest yet eloquent way. Take some time to think about what you would say, and maybe try writing it down, just to see how it feels when you read over it. You’d be doing the right thing as her best friend by being honest with her. If you’re not honest with her, you would be acting as an enabler of sorts for her current actions, making it seem as though everything is fine. If she reacts negatively or rejects you, then it might be time to move on and find a new friend; one that deserves your loyalty. You’d at least know that you were honest with her, and gave her a chance.
Bri: Ugh, this is a toughie. It’s a rough spot to be in, but like Robbie said, being honest is probably the best way to go. You can’t tell her what to do, but you can bring up your concerns. It’s possible that she’ll want this new lifestyle and as much as it hurts, you gotta let her go and learn. Sometimes people need to experience things on their own to really understand the consequences of their actions. Try to be her friend, but remember that a friendship takes two people and if you’re giving all the work, then it just means that for now, you two might need to part ways. Don’t let her actions effect you. -
Robbie: As far as I know, resident advisers (RA’s) are not allowed to date residents and vice versa. The reason has to do with ethics. For example, if a resident has alcohol or any illegal substances in their dorm and the RA knows about it, they would have to write that resident up and report them. However, if the two are dating, the RA is most likely not going to write them up or say anything. That will, in turn, make it “okay” for other residents to have alcohol in their dorms.
Bri: I can’t honestly say I know this off the top of my head. I think if you’re in this situation, the RA should know, seeing as it is his/her job and they should know the regulations of said job. If you’re unsure you could talk to your Graduate Assistant. In this situation, assuming wouldn’t be a very good idea. -
Robbie: You just need to break him out of his shell a little. Suggest going out lunch or coffee with him. If you guys have a class together, suggest getting together to study. After doing stuff like that (if you live in wellness, brookwood, or off-campus), maybe suggest hanging out to watch a movie or make dinner together. Be flirty with him, in a playful manner that is. Text him every now and then just see how he’s doing or how his week is going. After a little while if he hasn’t made a move but there’s an attraction, then be bold and make the first move. Regardless of his reaction, at least you gave it a shot.
bri: Welp, you don’t wanna scare him off right away. Maybe just send him a text, facebook message, etc and be like “hey what’s up?” Start some small talk and let him warm up to you. Sooner or later he’s going to realize you guys have two different personalities (hey, this sort of thing totally works sometimes. It’s true when people say opposites (sometimes) attract). Just remember he’s shy and be sure to be careful and you should be okay. -
Robbie: If you guys are into art, there are tons of art galleries along Prince Street to check out. On the first friday of every month, the shops and galleries empty out on to the sidewalks of Queen and Prince streets. Tons of people usually turn out for that. One the third friday of every month, the same thing usually happens, except instead of businesses and galleries, local bands and musicians line the streets and play for people. Also, if the time of the year is right. the Lancaster Barnstormers games at Clipper Magazine Stadium are always a good time.
Bri: Do you like music? Go to a show at the Chameleon Club, it’s usually relatively cheap and there’s usually something going on on the weekends, even if it’s just local music (which I love). The Lizard Lounge is located below the Chameleon Club, just make sure you check for age restrictions on that one. From what I hear, there’s a decent bar scene in Lancaster and Jack’s is right around the corner from campus. On MU’s campus, the University Activity Board usually has events on Fridays and Saturdays and sometimes during the week. There’s some neat little shops in Lancaster, and there’s also the mall, which the bus can take you to for free. Harrisburg isn’t terribly far away and York is a pretty big town. If you’re up for the road trip, Philadelphia, Baltimore and New York City are all within driving distance! Also, check out the posts Sam Ragghianti writes for HerCampusMU in the blog section for local events! -
Robbie: I would be up front with her. Let her know what’s concerning you, and how/why everything she’s doing isn’t good for you at this juncture in your life. The mark of a true friend is how brutally honest they can be with you. If she cares enough or takes what you say into any consideration then maybe she’ll change. If that’s the case, then give her that chance to change and see where it takes you. If responds negatively or doesn’t change, then just cut your ties there. That way you can at least say that you were honest about everything.
Bri: I’ve been in this situation and it’s tough. You can take two routes when it comes to this: You can be honest with her and tell her that you’re realizing you need more positive people in your life and think it’s for the best if you and her are no longer friends. Or you could take the more common approach and ignore her. I’d honestly try to find a nice mix of the two, but I know how that can get. -
Robbie: Just be there for him, and help see him through this difficult time that he’s having. Still keep friendly contact with him, but be as loyal and dedicated to him as you would be if you guys were still dating. At the end of the day, he’ll remember that you were there for him through it all and that maybe there’s still something there.
bri: If he’s not responding, it might be his way of letting you know he’s not interested in keeping you around or that he’s not ready to have you around again. Sometimes things just can’t be revived and it’s best to walk away, this may be a hint that that’s how he feels. Give it some time and see if he tries to contact you. The ball’s in his court now. -
Robbie: Has one of you voiced your attraction to the other, or stated in anyway that you like the other? If that’s the case, then I think you should let her know your position on the matter, and reasons for not wanting to pursue a relationship. It’s never a bad thing to be honest with someone in the long run, especially if you like the person. From there just try staying friends and hanging out, until you feel the time is right for you both to be together. I wouldn’t keep her waiting too long though, of course. If neither of you has confessed your attraction to the other, then I would just keep things as friendly as they have been for the time being until you feel you are ready to be in a relationship. In either case, if she’s a good enough friend and cares about you, you won’t push her away nor will she consider running away. If she doesn’t get pushed away or run away, that’s the mark of a good, loyal girl and you should definitely pursue something.
bri: There’s three incredibly important things you can do in this situation: 1. Be honest. 2. Be open 3. Don’t lead her on. You obviously must care about her if you’re so concerned with not pushing her away. Keep that in mind. Great chemistry is important and sometimes rare these days. Why are you so hesitant? Is it bad experience with girls? Concerns about the future? Talk to her, bring the reasons up and maybe you guys can work something out. It’s important to bring up concerns now, rather than down the road. There has to be a reason that you can’t let her go, considering you’re hesitant about furthering the relationship. If you don’t want to push her away, then don’t! Keep in mind that life is short, you only really have one chance to find out what’s gonna work and what’s not. Maybe giving it a shot is the best thing to do, maybe it’s not. It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth giving it a shot despite your fears. Sometimes fear blinds us from how wonderful something can be. Personally I’m all about trying new things and hey, if it doesn’t work out, you gave it a shot and you can [hopefully] go back to being good friends. -
Robbie: You’re very welcome! And thank you for the compliment, and for following us. It really means a lot.
bri: Ah! That’s great to hear! Thank you & you are very welcome, glad we can help. =D -
Robbie: So, go do something about it? As long as its legal and consensual, obviously.
Bri: That is quite the predicament and I’m not sure what you’d like me to do about that. However, there are a number of options you can pursue, I’ll leave it up to you to figure them out... if you know what I mean. -
Robbie: How busy is he with school or work? Sometimes when people are under a lot of stress they kind of shut themselves off from everyone to some degree because they have so much going on. I’d like to think that that may be the case, but if he doesn’t compliment you or lay with you anymore, then something might be a little off. Try suggesting having a date night or just getting together to do something fun. If he says no doesn’t seem enthused about that or doesn’t respond at all, then I think you should let him know that you guys ought to get together to let him know about your concerns. In the mean time though, don’t blow up his phone or send concerned texts saying “why don’t you talk to me?” or “Did I do something wrong?” Some guys get scared away annoyed or freaked out if you get on their case about that sort of thing. Test the waters with the date night suggestion and if he reacts in the ways that I listed, then its time you guys had a little chat about what’s going on between you two.
Bri: Talk to him, it’s better to ask him and have an honest conversation than just sitting and making assumptions. He might not be feeling the relationship anymore, or he could be having a bad day. See how the conversation goes (do it in person if possible) and gauge his reactions. If he’s open and honest with you, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If he’s hesitant and seems like he’s being dishonest, then maybe you need to bring up your concerns.
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Advice by Robbie & Bri!’s Bio
Millersville University
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Wonderfully thought out advice from not just a female's perspective, but a male's as well. Brought to you by Her Campus: Millersville, and Robbie & Bri.
