Creepiest thing I've ever done? That would be standing behind you. Right now. As you read this.
Don't turn around because if you do I'll lick your face and then that'll just make it even creepier and you don't want that, now do you?

A woman and yeah, I do regret it cuz I was really, really drunk at the time.











Wait, did that say "splurged" or "splooged?"

Pretty sure if god existed he'd make his opinions known in a manner more impressive than a fucking t-shirt.

Being running kicked in the groin in piblic.

When I got a running kick to the groin 3 weeks ago.

THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU STRONG ARE THE HEARTS OF YOUR INFERIORS! CONSUME THEM RAW BY A CAMPFIRE TO MAKE THEIR STRENGTH YOURS!

Bread. Eggs. Oil. Breaded eggs deep-fried in oil.

Depends on the pet.
Pet dog: "Awww~"
Pet horse: "Umm..."
Pet blue whale: "Wow, that's a spacious bed you've got!"

Tough question. I'd have to say ocean because if you have to pee you don't have to go anywhere.

But I'm a man, darling. It be happy to make an effort though, shave my beard, stick to glossal and digital exploration of your interiors, that sort of thing.

My dog. Gave Zooey a smooch.

A new laptop.

It's only cheating if you stick it in (or let them stick it in)


Not really, of course. I'd say if your flat out saying "let's fuck" via text then yeah you may as well be cheating.

On the one hand, it sucks up an inordinate amount of time. On the other, LIMITLESS PORNOGRAPHY!

Refrigerator boxes are spacious and comfortable :)

Yes. Tea is great. Coffee is muddy water for philistines.

I enjoy them because I get to play with all of my young cousins and I love kids and I'm basicallythe designated person to keep them occupied while the real adults drink. Sadly though some of them are entering that stage where they think they're too cool to running tackle their favorite relative :(

So now I'm a bit confused as to my holiday role as I'm too young to get drunk and 5+ years older than most of the others. What good is a dog with no hares to hunt...

I'm secretly not a bird. I am in fact a skinny nerd from Cleveland.

Yes. Anything that they find is publicly available and the employees responsibility. If they didn't want their boss to know about it they shouldn't post it.

I schtupped a coworker on the day I quit!