It does, doesn't it? Alas, it turns out real life can be much more ridiculous than people think.

Riiiiight.

The rest of St. Canard, naturally.

Hmmmmm.... All right, so maybe I can't take you into the police station, but you just better make sure it stays that way, pal. I've got my eye on you.

... Shoes?

Loitering, being a public nuisance, being under the influence of illegal substances...

I sometimes have to remind myself that going after a chicken with a metal-beak who works for people who want to take over the world and employ henchmen with egg helmets is reality. I don't NEED to do drugs.

Riiiiiight. Why don't you just follow me to the nice police station over here, shall we?

So.... How long have you been on drugs, now?

Err, well, no, not the same exactly... eh heh heh.... HEY! Funny pages?! I am a SERIOUS hero! Maybe you ought to get your good eye checked because clearly, you are blind to all the IMPORTANT details.

Once. Let's just say the other couple was really, REALLY annoying. I swear if I hear another Pelican's Island reference in conjunction with being chattered away at about the importance of not putting your elbows on the table, I will do something drastic! Like create a support group for people who are seconds away from busting a blood vessel due to the sheer idiocy that they have to put up with on a day-to-day basis!

Well, pretty much everybody who is anybody, of course! My fans, my adoring press... Really, I'm surprised you haven't heard. You need to get out more.

Skydive? Ha! That's a piece of cake! They don't call me a DARING duck of mystery for nothing, you know!

You do realize that a majority of St. Canard citizens elect to go pantsless, don't you?

I'll be the judge of that! What's wrong, fan?

Oooooh! Clearly, you lack good taste! He looks like he just stepped out of a Sci-Fi convention, and he sounds like a total nerd! I, on the other hand, wear this incredibly fashionable costume, I'm irresistibily handsome, and I'm mysterious! I'm everything a woman could possibly want in a duck!

Yep yep yeeeeep. Not everyone can be as lucky or as irresistible as me. But keep your spirits up, you'll find that special someone somewhere. Probably.

Morgana Macawber.... Siiiigh. This day is shaping up to be one of the best in my life.

I'm glad you asked. Naturally, as an expert crimefighter, hero of heroes, and great protector of St. Canard, I am a very honorable person. You have to have strong moral fiber, dedicate yourself to truth and justice, always eat your vegetables, and always help people in need!

Oh, it varies from month to month. Some months are busier than others, but it's nothing Darkwing Duck can't handle! You really start to lose count after a while.