Depends on when I fall asleep. Usually between one and three in the afternoon.

I'd rather not.

That one class that does the one thing. You know what I'm talking about.

Not really. Get high, jack off and drink. That's about it.

I have no tattoos myself. And I think this Gwen Steffani thing has gone on long enough that it stopped being funny.

Is there an Olympic dick-sucking event?

If not, then I'm not interested.

I'm not watching the Olympics. I couldn't give a fuck less.

Huh?! Oh, sorry... I was just...staring...butt...

I'm hungry.

I haven't seen the show. I missed a lot of the beginning, and I can't come in on something like that halfway.

If the fire is small enough for me to actually get into my tiny-ass room and "save" something, how about I just put the goddamn fire out?

I used to write on myself all the time.

I'm not a four-year-old. Funny faces don't amuse me.

Boobies, on the other hand...

No.

What is "The Hills"? Is it a music video?

No. No, you guys wouldn't have it on your channel if it was.

I have never seen that program. Nor do I wish to.

"Face-Fucker 5: The Bukkake Twins".

Do porn stars count as athletes?

Comedy is tragedy remembered.

I would like to see music videos come back and reality shows get cancelled.

Let me know when you guys get on that, will you?

Marriage is a legal contract. Since when has the law ever stopped me?

None. I don't like cell-phones.